StarCrossed
by weirdocaitlin
Summary: Takes place after Shadow-Kissed: Rose has started her journey to find Dimitri and save his soul. Question becomes, can she really kill the one she loves most?
1. Chapter 1

**I recently discovered Richelle Mead's young adult series, "Vampire Acadamy," and I'm thinking that Dimitri probably isn't going to turn back to normal. The thought saddens me, so before the next book comes out, I'm writting a fanfiction about what I think should happen. I read one fanfic and it confused me because a lot of what happend isn't even possible when you think back to the rules of the Strigoi, Moroi, and Dhampirs. So I re-read all the books to make sure my story was accurate.**

**Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns all**

**Chapter 1**

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Even with my winter coat on it was cold. The Montana breeze kicked in, and this road seemed to never end. I knew from a trip a while back that there was a town just a couple more miles down this road. Problem becomes getting there without freezing my ass off. I felt pretty badass at the beginning of this escapade, but now I feel like a Popsicle.

On the way into town, I had a lot of time to think about how I was going to do this. The empty road ahead cleared my head of everything that could hurt my mission. Dimitri became my only focus in my head. All I thought about was Dimitri. Only Dimitri mattered now. For once, Lissa wasn't a priority; they would give her another guardian, more than fit to protect her. She doesn't need me right now…Dimitri does. Although our promise weaved in with our words, that shopping trip, we established that we'd both rather die…our promise became that if either one of us became a Strigoi, that we would want ourselves killed. Just like Sonya and Mikhail.

Sonya Karp (A.K.A crazy Ms. Karp) specialized in spirit: just like Lissa. The only problem was that she didn't have someone like me to catch her madness. Soon, Ms. Karp went crazy enough to turn herself a Strigoi. Thankfully, she had just enough sanity left to warn us about the dangers of having other dhampirs and Moroi know about Lissa's powers. But little did we know, she told her lover, Mikhail, to kill her if she ever turned Strigoi. He has been tracking her down for over two years, trying to save her soul. Just like I am doing with Dimitri.

God, I loved him. I loved him so much. Ever since they took him away from me, I've felt like there is no air around me, like I'm suffocating. Staying at the academy wasn't an option. Today, my eighteenth birthday, I'm breaking away from St. Vladimir's. Part of me looked forward to being on my own, without rules, no Mistress Kirova bitching about my attitude or how I'm "expendable." The other part of me was dreading the upcoming and unforgiving journey. There was a huge possibility that I will not be coming back to St. Vladimir's. Of course my main goal is to…save…Dimitri, but even after the deed is done, there is still the concern of other Strigoi. I can take down three at once easily. But if it became an attack? I'd literally be fucked.

I finally reached a point in the road where I could see the town. It still took a good forty-five minutes to cover the distance, but I finally got there. The first thing I looked for was an ATM. Adrian said he put money in the account, and I already need to purchase an item with a hefty price. Taking the piece of paper that had the account number and password, I managed to get into the account. $50,000. Whoa. I'd expected Adrian to be generous, but not _that_ generous. Managing to push aside the ridiculous balance in the account, I withdrew two thousand dollars. I didn't know how much plane tickets cost, but my guess is that international flights in and out of the country aren't exactly going to be the bargains you find on .

Standing on the side of the road, I put out my thumb. Okay, so hitchhiking isn't exactly the most effective way of getting around, but he, it's that or walking the entire distance. My feet would hurt like hell, even with dhampir stamina and strength. After about ten minutes of standing there like a hooker waiting for a job, a Chevy Envoy pulled up next to me. Thank God it was a woman who was driving.

She rolled down the window. "Do you need a ride?"

I put on my best smile (the best I could manage knowing Dimitri was a Strigoi) and walked up. "Yeah. I kind of need a ride to the Missoula International Airport. Are you headed in that direction?" I finally got a good look at the woman. She was tiny. She had pin-straight, silky, shoulder length brown hair with brushed-aside bangs. She looked like a mom, but I didn't see any children. Her pixie face and dark hair brought out her icy blue eyes.

She laughed. "Yes actually. I was just heading to the airport. Hop in," she unlocked the door and I reluctantly opened the door and sat down in her heated car.

I gave her my hand, like a polite person. "Hi, my name is Rose." It'd be kind of awkward if you had to make an hour drive with someone without knowing his or her name.

She smiled and took my hand, shaking it. "My name is Alice," cool, old-fashioned name. "So what were you doing out by yourself? Don't you have family or friends nearby?" She kept her eyes on the road, not bothering to look at me. I probably looked a lot more miserable than I thought.

Keeping the Academy secret is dhampir and Moroi law. I fibbed. "No, actually. Not any more at least. I came here for a funeral," not entirely a lie. I had to go to Mason's funeral. "And I had to go soon after I got here because I had scheduled this trip a couple of months ago. I just made a quick stop in, but I didn't know anybody." I twiddled my thumbs in circles, hoping to entertain myself.

"Where are you going?" She asked conversationally.

"Russia," I said nonchalantly.

Her eyes left the road and turned to me. I had to hold back on screaming, "Keep your eyes on the road lady!" But her gaze helped hold me back. She looked like she just saw Jesus.

"Really? That's really interesting. Why are you going there? It's freezing, literally, this time of year. All the rivers freeze up and there's ice everywhere. I heard a lot of people ice-skate to and from places," she laughed. That actually was true. It was more convenient then wasting gas on cars.

I laughed to, trying to pull off the happy façade. "They do. I'm not exactly looking forward to freezing my butt off in Siberia, but someone I need to see is there. We kind of promised to meet," not totally a lie. We promised that we'd kill each other if we ever turned Strigoi… that was exactly the case.

She smiled one of those huge God-you-are-so-lucky-I-wish-I-were-you smiles. She wouldn't be smiling if she knew the real reason. She'd be crying. "I've always wanted to travel the world, but life moves too fast, and my chances have long since left me." Her expression turned wistful.

"What's stopping you now?" I asked. My mom dumped me like trash to go travel the world. Surely Alice could do something.

She sighed. "I have a husband, a baby boy and a baby girl waiting for me back home in Minnesota. My husband's an accountant for Microsoft, but with children, we just don't have the time to travel. Maybe after they grow up I could venture out." My suspicions proved correct! I can tell when I see a mom. She was definitely a mom. Her laugh lines proved she had already passed her glory days, her stand-outish hips said she had bore children, and her very mommy style: light blue denim jacket, white thermal shirt, jeans, and $180 UGGs on her feet practically screamed mother-of-two.

"I'm only eighteen, but I think this is going to be my only big trip." Kirova would be so proud of me. I can actually tell a truth once in a while.

The hour ride passed quickly. We only stopped once for the bathroom, so our timing was pretty good. We arrived at the airport in the late afternoon. I bid my short-time-friend Alice goodbye as she headed off to her flight to Minnesota. I headed toward the ticket counter.

"Is there any straight flights from here to Moscow?" I knew that was highly unlikely (based just on my luck), but you never knew.

The young woman at the counter looked just as thrilled to be here as I was. Her bitchy I-don't-want-to-put-up-with-you glares proved it. "Sorry, but no," she stretched out. "We have one flight that stops in Juneau, then in Magadan, then to Moscow, but there are no direct flights." She made a few clicks for the computer screen. I suppressed the urge to smack that caustic look off her face.

Through clenched teeth, I said, "Is there anything quicker? I'm kind of in a family emergency." That was a total lie. But I'd once seen this lady get a great deal on a ticket when she said her dad was in the hospital because of his Parkinson's disease. Maybe my case would be similar.

The bitch gave me a sarcastic glare. "In Russia?" she said doubtfully.

I was getting supremely irritated. "Yes. My brother is suffering from Schizophrenia," the closest I could come to describing what a Strigoi had, "and I need to be in St. Petersburg soon or else I won't get to see him before he becomes a total vegetable." My annoyance was seeping into my tone. But her befuddled expression almost made me laugh.

"Skit…so…fania?" She tried sounding out the word. Her face scrunched up in deep thought. Wow, this girl was a real dumb-shit!

I smiled at her noticeable stupidity. "Schizophrenia," I repeated slowly, "it's a severe mental disorder that causes the victim to see hallucinations and be delusional. It basically means they will go crazes until their circuits blow out. It's very rare, but it's still out there." I said as convincingly as possible. But I was still in a rush. "Could I have a ticket please?" I said, grinding my teeth together.

She shook her head to push away confusing thoughts. "Alright. Isle or window?"

Finally, I got my window seat on the plane. Looking out the window helped me think. If I looked to the left of me, where all the passengers were sitting and saw the Fat Joe impersonator sitting next to me, I'd probably develop a case of claustrophobia and become a schizophrenic myself. God, that'd be embarrassing.

The ride wasn't too rough, thank God. Mostly, I just gazed out the window, thinking of all the moments Dimitri and I had together. The first one I thought of was the day we met. He was gentle, but I was very high strung and in protective mode though. Even though he totally kicked my ass, he was kind to me. He complemented me on my bravery. Though I think he was thinking that you could take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity. Also, by the look on his face, he was probably admiring the fact that I'd been feeding Lissa myself for two years. I flipped through other memories; the time he told me not to cut my hair and instead just wear it up, the time where he told me I was pretty, the looks he gave me when I was wearing that little black dress, his arms around me when I fell. What stood out the most was his silky voice, in his moments of affection for me, he called me my Russian name: Roza. He said it as if it were a poem.

I fell asleep after an hour of staring out the window. It was dark out, and it was unexpectedly easy to close your eyes and just sleep. In my sleep, I relived that night in the cabin, not so long ago. God, the way his arms wrapped around me, even in my bloodlust, it felt so perfect. The way our bodies seemed to fit together so perfectly made that night that much more special. The way he kissed me, it was with so much passion and love I wanted to cry (but that'd be really awkward and weird). It was truly bliss. Even now, with my Dimitri gone and a zombie taking his place, I could pretend I could feel his arms around me, his lips at my ear, telling me how much he loves me and how he will never let anything happen to me. At the time, they were dangerous words. Now they were like a safety blanket for me.

I woke up when I heard the pilot over the intercom inform us of our arrival in Juneau, and that we'd be stop for an hour to refill the fuel tanks. I took this opportunity to use the bathroom and stretch my legs. The airport was relatively small, so it didn't take much ingenuity to figure out which way to go. After using the bathroom and putting down a bagel and a bottle of lemonade, I went to sit in the terminal to sit down again.

I looked at the people around me. Most of them were speaking Russian—well duh, this flight was headed to Russia. There was a young couple sitting closer to the plane entrance than me. They were definitely Russian. But what caught my eye was how in love they seemed. Their hands were intertwined together, her head of gold, curly locks rested on his shoulder, him leaning down to give her a kiss on top of her head. She smiled, but kept her eyes closed. A dull, numbing pain tore through my chest. They reminded me so much of Dimitri and I. I managed to tear my gaze away from them and turn back around.

My face nearly came into contact with a big, muscular guy standing right in front of me. I looked up to meet a smirking face framed by dark curls. His darks eyes were deep with feeling like Dimitri's…they were filled with mischief.

"Hello there," he said with a grin. I scowled. "What's got you so angry?"

I gave him my iciest smile. "Your close proximity to my body is beginning to piss me off." If possible, his smile grew wider.

"Aw, do I make you uncomfortable?" He definitely had a hint of a Russian accent, but it wasn't silky like Dimitri's…. it was menacing,

"Fuck off," I said with a smile. Instead of listening to me like he should have, he took the seat right next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. I held back my I-am-going-to-fucking-murder-you scream and instead tried to stand up.

"Aw, don't be like that. Stay for a while, we might become buddies," oh my God this guy was a moron.

"I said fuck off. And there is no way in hell I'd be all buddy-buddy with a dipshit like you." I tried getting up again, but this time, he slammed me back down in my seat. Mistake numero uno pal!

"I wasn't finished with you yet," he said sternly. He thought he was going to get somewhere with me. Alaska was just full of delusional people!

"Oh, I am way passed being finished with you, pal," I said, shoving his arm away from me. He actually winced in pain. Good. "Don't touch me and piss off." I began to walk away. He made mistake numero dos. I felt him give me a good slap on the ass.

I whipped around and gave him a good punch in the face. "You son of a bitch! Don't you _ever_ touch me again. You do, and I'll call security on you. Try getting back home to Russia with a set of handcuffs on you. I hope you enjoy your time here." I stalked off and boarded the plane.

I didn't want any more guys touching me. My body was for one man and for one man only. Dimitri was the only one who could touch me. I felt defiled when other guys besides Dimitri touched me in any way that said, "hey, wanna hang out?" No. I didn't. I wanted to save Dimitri's soul and maybe get back to Lissa. Boyfriends and lovers were no longer on my priority list. Dimitri and Lissa. Those were the only things on my list, because that's all I had.

When the plane took off, I fell asleep again. I was once again smothered by memories of Dimitri. Now and again I'd see us back in the cabin, in each other's arms, living just for the moment. That's how I wanted it to be forever. Now it will never even happen.

Whenever the memory of the cabin showed up, I could once again feel his strong arms wrap around my waist. I could feel his hands trail up my body, leaving me burning at his every touch. His hands lit me on fire, and I loved it. I loved how life shocked through me at his every touch; I loved how my heart fluttered at his every praise and every affectionate glance.

I woke up again when the plane arrived in Magadan, but I didn't bother getting off the plane. I didn't want to run into another jerk-off like "Buddy" in Juneau. Instead, I mentally prepared myself for when I arrived in Moscow. This was Russia, home of the wealthiest Moroi families and the heart of the Strigoi population.

When I finally arrived in Moscow, after 36 hours of traveling, I was get lagged, but I made sure I was prepared to get off the plane. What I wasn't prepared for yet was making sure I could shove a steak into the dead heart of a man I loved.

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**Okay, so I thought this would be the perfect place to stop. **

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**In my opinion, this chapter is a little short, but the next chapter will be long and _very_ eventful. Promise! Anyway, with new books come new characters. This new character's name is somewhat of an inside joke. You will get to hear the punch line in the next chapter. Thanks to my friend Riley for the new character inspiration!**

**Chapter 2**

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Standing outside the Moscow international airport, I began to freeze my ass off. Russia is so damn cold; I don't understand how anyone could live here. These ridiculous negative ten temperatures would make any warm-blooded animal freeze. I shivered in the cold, bag over my shoulder, filled with things that were necessary: silver stake, extra pair of socks and underwear, hygiene products, and the lip-gloss Dimitri gave me a long time ago.

I stood by the bus stop, huddled under a tiny little pavilion with several other people, trying to stay out of the vicious wind's reach. I didn't talk to anyone, because I didn't speak the language. I just stared at my feet most of the time, hoping the bus would show up so it could take me to St. Petersburg, or as the Russians call it, Petrograd. The time seemed to pass in slow motion, threatening to drive me insane.

After a long time of waiting, the bus finally pulled up to the stop. I picked up a map of the bus' route to find out its destination. When I opened it, I grew befuddled; everything was written in Russian. Trying to keep myself calm, I took a deep breath and made a decision I would probably regret: I walked up to a stranger, hoping they'd be able to speak some English to tell me where the hell this bus intended ongoing.

I accosted the first guy I came to, and I already regretted my decision. Pain shot through my chest as I looked at who I thought looked like Dimitri. His hair, cut semi-short, had the color of oak wood, his dark brown eyes were just a shade lighter than Dimitri's, his distressed leather jacket, cut short at the waist, looked almost exactly like Dimitri's duster. He had a strong jaw line; his lips were full and plump in a way that managed to look manly, and very kissable. My heart began to ache, but I pushed the words off my tongue.

"Excuse me," I grabbed his attention, "do you speak any English?" One thing I hated about foreigners is when they speak very slowly when they ask if you understand their language. They either speak the language or they don't. If they do, they will understand you. If they don't, they will look at you as if you are a poor sucker who just walked into the wrong place, or they just stare at you confused, wondering what the hell you could possibly be saying.

He smiled. A heavy Russian accent coated his speech. "A little," it came out as "leetle," but I kept that to myself. "Do you need any help?" His voice sounded so different from Dimitri's. This guy's voice sounded deep, but kind. Dimitri's sounded like music; he always talked calmly and softly. And in our occasional romantic moments, his whispers of love filled my world.

I came out of my trance-like state and back into the real world. "Yes," I pulled out the map. "I need to get to St. Petersburg, but I don't understand Russian." I paused to look up at him. "Could you tell me if this bus will take me there?" His smile returned.

"This bus will get you there in about five hours." Great, the bus will get me there. Next problem on the list: is the bus even heated? God, I hope so. "I'm going to Petrograd, too. But if we plan on making it there today, we should probably get on the bus," he pointed to the closing doors and I leaped for it. The bus driver looked severely annoyed, but we both made it on. I became greatly relieved the moment I stepped onto the bus: it was heated. But when I tried to go sit down, the bus driver wouldn't let me pass.

"Privyet," Dimitri imposter said. He deposited a couple of coins into a small box that I hadn't seen and the bus driver finally let me pass. Now I felt guilty. A complete stranger just paid for my five hour bus ride to St. Petersburg. I'd have to pay him back somehow. We both made our way towards the back of the bus, where there were two available seats. The least I could do would be to give him my company…but if you asked some people, they'd ask you what they did wrong.

As soon as I sat down, he held out his hand. "Hello, my name is Peter," I took his hand and shook it. His hands felt rough, even against my calloused hands. "Ti is American?" I didn't understand his first word, but I'm pretty sure he spoke, referring to me.

"Hi, I'm Rose, and yeah. I'm from America. Montana, to be exact," I gave him the best smile I could manage in my current Dimitri-is-strigoi-and-I-have-to-kill-him mood. His smile softened, telling me that my smile showed him just how miserable I really am. I withdrew my hand from his and began to rub my hands together, helping warm them up.

"Here," Peter handed me his gloves. "These should be able to keep you warm. They are leather on the outside to block the winds and the cold, but the cashmere on the inside helps warm the hands." This guy is so sweet, but I still couldn't take his gloves from him.

I shook my head no. "I can't. They're yours, keep your own hands warm." Even though I turned him down, he still held out the gloves. I sighed and took them; it's obvious this guy isn't going to take no for an answer. I slipped them on and, oh, they were wonderful. The gloves warmed my hands instantaneously. You wouldn't be able to find these types of gloves in Montana. These probably cost a fortune.

"My hands are warm now, but you didn't even bring gloves. How can you come to Russia, in the midst of winter, with no gloves?" The smirk on his face made me irritated. I can hear the teases.

"Hey, I was in a rush to get here. Family emergencies don't exactly hold up, so I grabbed my coat and necessities and hopped on a plane. Comfort isn't exactly on my list for necessities." I needed to defend my thoughtless self. I would never admit to a stranger that I don't think things through and am totally oblivious to my own bodily needs.

"Self preservation isn't at the top of your priorities list?" I shook my head no. He faced forward instead of at me. "Same here." My suspicious side began to wake up. I took a closer look at Peter. He had very well toned muscles, very fit. His black fitted tee looked to be short sleeved, and his dark denim jeans were beginning to fade. I didn't see any luggage with him.

I knew of one way to solve this mystery. I spoke quietly. "Do you know who Tatiana Ivashkov is?" Anyone who belonged in our world knew who Queen Tatiana was. Even strigoi knew of her. If he really was a dhampir, he would know who Tatiana is.

Peter's shocked gaze answered my question instantly. His mouth, slightly parted, seemed to be searching for the right words to say. To be honest, his astonished expression amused me. He really didn't notice anything about me. I guess he wouldn't be able to; I wore my hair down to keep my neck warm.

"Do you know the Ivashkovs?" He finally asked.

I laughed. "Yes. Well, I'm not exactly on first name basis with Tatiana, but her great-nephew kind of has a thing for me." Okay, so I was gloating about my royal connections. So what? Anyone else would all but put a gold star over their chest and have a pin on their jacket that read, "I'm friends with the Ivashkovs!" I didn't want to really brag about being on friendly terms with Adrian. Everyone knew his reputation, and anyone who hung out with him received the same reputation.

"Wow, that's amazing. But Adrian? Being around him isn't exactly safe." UGH. This guy knew too much. God, as if I didn't get enough of this shit from my mother.

I scoffed. "Gee, thanks for the advice, Mom. You think I don't know that? Besides, I could never go out with him. He's nice and all, but really weird. And I'm not interested in him that way. He's good to have for a friend, but go any further and the next day you'll be labeled a blood-whore. I'd rather keep my reputation, thank you very much." I didn't mean to sound rude, but it really pissed me off when people tell me who I should and shouldn't hang out with.

"So what are you doing going to St. Petersburg? You look like a young guardian. Shouldn't you be, you know, guarding?" I could tell he was trying his hardest to be nice. But as Dimitri once said, sometimes, you need to put yourself first.

"Long story, short, I'm meeting someone here and they required my immediate departure from the academy. So I guess you'd call what I did 'dropping out.'" I shrugged it off as if it was nothing, but really, not graduating bothered me. Without sacrifice, there would be no gain. I gave up guarding Lissa so I could save Dimitri. No matter how much I loved Lissa, I loved Dimitri more. I promised him, and I plan on keeping that promise.

Peter stared at me incredulously. "You dropped out so you could meet someone on the other side of the world? Are you sure you made the right decision to come out here?" So the judging begins.

"I am one-hundred percent positive I made the right choice. I already know who I'm guarding, and she said that I could still be her guardian when I got back," I almost said "if." Thankfully I caught myself. My mission would be blown if another guardian found out. Only Lissa knows, and I hoped to keep it that way. "Besides, I don't know if I want anymore _molnija_ marks. They hurt like hell when you get them done." I didn't laugh. Those things seriously hurt.

His eyes grew wide. "You already have a _molnija_ mark? Do you at least have a promise mark?" I shook my head. The tattoo artist didn't want to give me my marks because I didn't have my promise mark yet. Oh well, I've always been one for starting something new. Rules have never really applied to me…in my opinion. "How did that happen?" I kept my mouth shut. Talking about Mason didn't make me feel better. He turned to face forward, sensing my discomfort on the subject. "It must have been very hard on you," he said quietly. "Having it happen to you so young."

I smiled. "Someone helped me through it. I'm not sure if I would've totally gotten over it if it weren't for him." Dimitri saw through my tough-guy act. He saw through everything. He called out every lie, always knew the right thing to say, and knew when and when not to leave something alone. "That's who I'm meeting here. He needs me more than anyone right now." My focus returned to where it's supposed to be.

"What about you? You must have a reason for being here. What's your life story? So far, I mean." I hated it when people evaded the question by saying, "still being written." I scoff at it every time.

"Well, this is my first vacation in seven years. I saved up enough off days to take a week's vacation. I thought I'd come and help out my sister and her children. I haven't seen them in a long time, and she needs my help. I'm also," he began searching for the right word, "meeting someone in St. Petersburg." I could hear a different story stirring behind his words.

"Well, that's sweet of you. Helping out with your sister's new-borns is the right thing to do. From what my mother told me, it's very hard to take care of a child. She once told me that you always wish you could do a better job. I won't ever know what that feels like, but I know if I did raise a child, I'd want the very best." Some part of me would like to have children, but that is impossible. Dhampirs can't reproduce with each other, and since I'm in love with a dhampir—or someone who used to be one—there is no chance of having children…unless I stoop to Adrian's level. The thought makes me shiver.

"They aren't new-borns. They are twins, but they are both three years old. She's trying to keep up her job, but balancing a full time job with two toddlers is making her very stressed, so I thought I'd take my vacation time to help her out since I'm in the area anyway." He said this as if it were nothing. One word formed in my head.

_Blood-whore._

I didn't think badly of them like I used to. Before Dimitri told me about his happy childhood, I'd always thought blood-whores were like my aunt. Now I know that the communities were great places for kids to grow up. They'd never be love-deprived.

"They must have a good home to have a mother taking care of them at that age. Your sister must love them very much." Most mothers would've sent their boys or girls off to be raised by an academy by that time. Some mothers don't until they reach kindergarten age. My mother wasn't one of them.

That brought a smile to his face. "She loves them so much, you have no idea. Ever since she had them, her priorities have been arranged. The kids always come first. She would do anything for them." His eyes looked wistful, deep in thought. I decided it would be better off to let him be. I wanted time to think about the perfect life Dimitri and I could've had if there hadn't been a strigoi attack.

I could imagine Dimitri's face on my eighteenth birthday: his entire being glowing, his eyes passionate, his words with double meanings that would make me want to leap into his arms and never leave, his gentle touches, and if I was lucky, I'd feel his soft lips kiss mine. Even now, my whole body ached for him. I wanted to feel his arms around me, his lips at my ear, and his warm body against mine.

Peter interrupted my day-dreaming. "What's wrong? You just got the strangest expression on your face," I turned to see him gazing curiously at me.

"Why, what did my face look like?" I meant it as a joking question, but he answered seriously.

His face scrunched up in thought, trying to recall. "I saw a lot of sadness, but you were also happy, and maybe a little wistful. You also reminded me of a child deprived of love," not that far off. Ever since Dimitri left, I felt like there was no one to love me. Besides my mother (which I still had my doubts about), no one had ever really been there for me like Dimitri had. He said he loved me so many times, and I didn't hear it once from my mother. My mother's love must have been intertwined with her actions.

"Just remembering, and thinking what could've happened if things had gone the way they were supposed to. But I guess that doesn't matter anymore. Everything I had wished for is impossible now. I'm just going to have to live with that." I really didn't want to though. The chances of me walking away from this trip were between slim and none.

"You can't change the hand you're dealt, but you can always change how it's played," Peter suddenly had a Yoda moment. In a way he was right, though. I am playing up the cards a little bit though.

"I didn't change the way the cards were played, I changed the entire game." I abandoned my responsibilities as a guardian to take care of a fellow guardian. Sometimes, Moroi aren't the only ones who need to be taken care of. Besides, because of me, Moroi can learn to fight for themselves. Christian and the rest of the fire users have the best hand, but water is also a good weapon to have; Mia showed me that in Spokane. Earth…well it's everywhere. Air could be manipulated to suffocate you or make your head want to explode. I got to experience that first hand.

My eyes began to droop and I wanted to sleep the rest of the way. I wanted to dream about Dimitri and I working together at court, planning our next romantic getaway. I wanted to dream about the night in the cabin, not saying much, but just holding onto each other. That will forever be the best day of my life.

I began to drift when Peter called me back to the real world again.

"Who are you meeting here? I told you my little secret. What's yours?" I'd rather that he not asks.

I artfully evaded a detailed explanation. "I'm meeting my best friend. We promised each other a long time ago that if we ended up here, we would go after each other and made sure business was taken care of." The summary was very, very vague.

I closed my eyes, hoping that my fantasies would not be interrupted this time. I only heard a soft, "life hasn't been kind to you either." He might have said more, but I was already asleep.

When Peter shook me awake, I knew we had arrived.

"Dobro pozhahlovat St. Petersburg." _Welcome to St. Petersburg._

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**Yay! She made it to St. Petersburg. Every minute she gets closer to achieving her promise, but there might be some delays...mwahaha. No, I do not feel guilty with giving you that extra clue and creating tension. It keeps you reading and reviewing! I've decided, that even though I have already written the next chapter, I will not post it until I get 20 reviews. Feedback is healthy for us writters.**

**Reviews make me smile! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is filled mostly with fluff. I needed something to fill the time space, and I also wanted to introduce my character Peter a little more, let you get to know him. I don't know if he's going to play a super important role in future chapters, but I'm thinking about it. School is starting again, so please give me a little time to update. Thank you and keep reviewing!**

**Chapter 3**

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My spur-of-the-moment attitude towards everything was becoming a real problem for me. Okay, so I thought a lot about _what_ I wanted to do, but I never really thought threw _how_ I was going to do this. I think of the ideas, and then I act. I don't put much further thought into things. But at times like now, I really give myself a mental kicking.

"Shit," I murmured to myself. "Are you sure there are no available rooms?" I sounded exhausted, and I really was. Spending five hours on a bus with a guy who is guzzling every single detail of your life out of you and spending the rest of the time dodging questions about him as if they were the black plague. My mind was at its limit at this point.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but all the rooms are booked with parents who are adopting kids from the orphanage across the street. There is a motel a couple of blocks away that I could recommend." The thick Russian accent smothered her speech, making it very difficult to understand a single word that came out of her mouth. Thankfully, I understood some of the directions she gave to get there.

My killer headache made me lose my focus. I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Fine. Thank you." I should've known that Peter would never allow me to sleep in a motel. Who knows what creepy crawly creatures you may find beneath the covers? The mere thought sends shivers down my spine.

We walked back out into the freezing cold weather. I began to walk in the direction of the motel when Peter caught my arm.

"You weren't actually going to stay at the motel, were you? Even Americans know better. This is Russia; we don't put much money into motels." I could tell that his dark, dark brown eyes were begging me to stay with him. This is exactly why I shouldn't have done what I did.

"Alright. So where do you suggest I stay? In the alley back there? I'm sure I could get a couple of free meals from the trash," I said sarcastically. I knew what he was getting at, but I didn't want to give him any encouragement.

A disgusted look swiftly took place on his face. "Of course not," it sounded more like "nut," but I didn't want to make fun of his accent. On Dimitri it sounded sexy. On anyone else it just sounded funny. Then he said what I was deeply afraid of. "Why don't you stay with me? We have plenty of room and a big enough water heater. No offense," a smirk caught on his lips, "but you look like you could use a nice hot shower." He raised a hand and took hold of a lock of my hair. Yeah, I knew my hair looked like a haystack right now, but does it seriously look like I give a damn?

I playfully brushed his hand away, trying to not show how uncomfortable that gesture made me. "Thanks for the wise advice, obi-one, but I think I already noticed. " I lost count of how many days I've gone without a shower. That should tell you something, but even though he liked me, it was in a way I could not return the feelings. I glanced around me. "I'm sure there's another hotel around here somewhere, and we still got another hour or so before sundown." I pulled out the map I got from the bus station and began searching, before Peter took it away from me.

"Are you always this stubborn to accept Russian hospitality?" He folded the map and put it in his back pocket, then returned his attention to me. "You will stay with me." He took my hand and I flinched. Only one person could pull that one off, but I followed anyways. It would take a fool to not notice he wasn't taking "no" for an answer.

I followed him, slightly scared of where we were going. His sister is a dhampir, that's for certain. But was she a blood-whore, too? I had never been to a dhampir commune, and I had never planned on it. If any Moroi man walked in and had mistaken me for a blood-whore, with God as my witness, I hold no responsibility towards my actions. There was a small chance, a very small chance, that she might just be a dhampir raising her kids or living with a dhampir husband. If Dimitri asked me to marry him and turn our adventurous lives in for jobs with humans, I'd have to really think about it. Though to be quite honest, the more feasible outcome would be "HELL YES."

After a long walk (or what seemed really long. I was lacking several nights of sleep and I've been traveling for several days straight), we arrived at a normal-looking apartment building. I'm not sure what I'd expect a blood-whore community to look like, but this looked like any other apartment building you'd see in a city. The red brick went up four stories, the windows were average size, and there were even a few flower pots hanging outside of them. The building looked kind of cute: very family-ish.

Instead of going inside, Peter stopped me. "I know what you've been thinking, but just re-think for a second," he stared me in the eye to make sure I was paying attention to every word he said. "Do you really think I'd put you in that kind of position?" His expression softened. "Trust me. It's nothing like that. My sister is a retired guardian. She's here to raise her kids until they're old enough to go to the academy in Siberia." That was going to be my second guess.

I didn't want him to think I was some judgmental bitch, so I redeemed myself. "I never thought your sister was a blood-whore," not entirely a lie. "I knew you wouldn't bring me to a blood-whore community. I just never knew how well off guardians, or I guess in this case retired guardians, were when they weren't working. I didn't know what to expect."

His surprised face offended me. I wasn't thinking anything vulgar about the communes, just wondering what they were like. The way Dimitri described them, they didn't sound like too bad of a place to live. He had a better childhood than I did living there.

Peter caught himself and wiped the surprise off his face and replaced it with a smile. "Excuse me. That was very rude of me to say. I'm really not that much of a know-it-all. It's just," he paused to think for a second. "The last person I brought here didn't even make it through the front door before running." He smiled apologetically. I returned it with a gentle smile of my own. I will probably never use my man-eating smile ever again.

"That's alright, but are you going to bring me inside or not? It's freezing out here," my whole entire body was shaking uncontrollably.

He shook his head and his smile turned into a smirk. I grasped my hand tightly to prevent myself from slapping the smirk right off his face. "Alright. C'mon," he led me through the doors and into the building.

Relief didn't even cover how I felt. The heat felt like pure bliss. My chapped skin on my face welcomed the burning sensation the heaters created. My hands burned from the transition and I took off my skimpy cashmere gloves. I followed Peter up a couple flights of stairs to the third floor. The hallways were decorated with eighties wallpaper that made me want to gag. We stopped in front of a door that had two gold numbers on it that said "47." I heard a TV in the background and a couple of high pitched squeals of laughter. I could hear women telling them to calm down.

Peter smiled, almost to himself, and knocked on the door. Dressed in fitted jeans and a thick, creamy colored wool sweater, a beautiful woman opened the door for us. Her very fine, thin, slightly wavy brown hair reached just to her shoulders in the front and was cut short on her neck. Her light brown eyes were gentle and warm, laugh lines on her face indicated she had enjoyed her life. I only saw frown lines on my mom.

Her eyes immediately went to Peter. They were quickly in each other's arms. She started speaking quickly in Russian. Did she speak English? If she didn't, that might cause problems. Peter spoke in Russian to her, too. Thankfully, Peter noticed my cluelessness and stopped the confusing Russian. His sister continued to chat, unfazed by my presence.

Peter interrupted her briefly. "Cathy, this is my friend Rose," he put a hand on my shoulder, I tried not to flinch. "She traveled a long ways and has nowhere to stay. Do you mind if she stays here?" Cathy's eyes met mine, and they were kind and caring. If you saw her on the streets, you could tell that she was a mother.

"Excuse me," she apologized with a smile, "Of course you can stay here. There is plenty of space." She held out her hand for a shake and I took it. "My name is Catherine, but everyone calls me Cathy." Her accent, so thick, was difficult to understand, though I got the jest of it. She led us both into the deceivingly large apartment. A little boy and a little girl were already on top of Peter.

They were shouting happily in Russian. I didn't understand a word of it, but I caught onto the fact that they were very glad to have Uncle Peter here. He whispered something to both of them, and they were almost just as happy to have me here.

They spoke English! "Hi!" they both shouted. The girl gave me a little squeeze around my waist. "Welcome!"

It became very hard not to smile. "Hi," the little boy pulled his sister off of me. "What are your names?" I asked them, kneeling down to their level.

"I'm Aña," the little girl piped. Her round face was framed by bronze ringlets; her eyes were big, round, light brown orbs. Her cheeks were flushed. She looked almost exactly like her mother with the toddler jeans and thick sweater.

"I'm Nicky." The little boy, a bit precocious, kept composure and spoke formally. A little boy wanting to be a man: it's just too cute. His hair was very fine, like his mother's, and semi-long. His face was narrower than his sister's, making his jaw line stand out more, and his thin frame was hidden beneath layers of clothing.

"Nice to meet you," I shook Nicky's hand. "I'm Rose. I'm sorry I don't know much Russian, but I'm a fast learner." Dimitri told me that a long time ago. "I'm sure I could pick up a thing or two."

Their faces lit up. "We don't know much English, but you could teach us!" They looked over-joyed. Peter interrupted our little chat and picked up both kids.

"Alright, that sounds like a fair trade, but it will have to wait until later. Rose has come a long way and needs to rest. I'm going to show her around the place. Your mom looks like she could use some help in the kitchen, though." They squirmed to get out of his arms and made a bee-line for the kitchen.

"They are great kids," I told him. "You are so lucky to have a family to come home to." The thought made me wistful. I did have Lissa, Adrian, and Christian waiting for me back at the academy, but my mother is always guarding Moroi royals in Eastern Europe, and Dimitri…well, he's not going to be here for very long.

"Yes they are," I turned to him, wishing I hadn't. His eyes rested on me in a very uncomfortable way. The way Dimitri looked at me in the moments our eyes met, wishing we could do more. But I wasn't looking at Dimitri.

"I'll show you around," his statement broke the tension. I followed him into the family room, which was open to the kitchen and dining room, all of which were of decent size. A big, blue denim couch dominated the space in the family room, which also had, on one wall, an entertainment center with a giant TV. I didn't know what this girl did for a living, but she made a pretty damn good one!

"Wow," was all I could say. Peter laughed a little, but took my hand, ignoring my flinch, and led me to a hallway with several doors. He pointed out everyone's room…including mine.

I opened the door to the guest bedroom. It looked as if it were made for a princess. The walls, a sage green, were decorated by Slavic paintings. The furniture was white, French provincial. The white, fluffy comforter looked so inviting. I jumped right smack into the middle of the bed. I had never really had the chance to be a kid, and being around them reminded me of how deprived I was. I allowed a giggle to escape my lips, but put it away soon after. Peter sat down on the edge of the bed. I had a feeling that he'd want to talk more about my circumstances.

"So, this person that you're meeting," I could tell he was searching for a way to bring up the topic without making it sound rude.

I decided to help him out. "He needs my help." I said simply and honestly.

"And his need of your help required you to drop out of school?" I nodded. "What is it that he needs help with? I'm sure it could've waited, I mean, you were only a month away from graduating." He thought Dimitri was the bad guy in this story…well he technically is, but we don't discuss that.

"He didn't force me if that's what you're getting at." I felt the intense urge to protect Dimitri. "He doesn't even know that I'm coming." No fibbing there.

"Then why are you helping him?" God, the mind reels. He still doesn't get it.

I groaned aloud. "Because he doesn't know that he needs my help." I was waiting for it to click in his mind, but it never did.

"Then did you ever think that he may not need your help in the first place?" Oh, I see where this is going. He's going to tell me that I traveled all this way and dropped out of school, and now I'm going to regret it. This guy…unbelievable.

"It's more like a promise we made to each other. If I put it that way, do you understand?" He shook his head no. I sighed, exasperated. I tried again. "We promised each other that if we were to…get…into a…certain situation," I struggled to find the correct evasive terms, "that we would help each other, no matter what." I hoped he would get it.

"That's a pretty serious promise for your age. This person must be pretty important to you to make that kind of promise." His eyes were getting accusatory…and they were correct. But me and my pride stuck to the story.

"Yup. We were like this," I crossed my fingers in front of his face for him to get it. "We are kind of a package deal." I smiled. We were. Dimitri and I were going to go to the Moroi court, be guardians, be lovers, be battle buddies, be training buddies; we were going to have a life together. All that changed, though. Peter noticed my change in expression.

"Are they okay? Physically, I mean." Yeah. Strigoi are great, physically. But if you talked to one, you'd notice the unhealthy mental state of mind.

"Yes, he is. Bu—," I made my slip. I gave away the gender. Crap on crackers. I decided I had to roll with it. "Yes, he is. But he still needs my help, and I am going to give it to him." I stopped there. I said my statement with finality.

"Would you like my assistance?" He asked, trying to brighten the mood. But his attempt darkened mine. I couldn't imagine doing that to him. Leading him into a pit of strigoi would be a death sentence. I'd never allow him to go with me.

I returned with the same formal language. "Your assistance will not be required, but I thank you for the offer." I tried my best to keep a normal face on. He didn't seem to notice how totally and completely fake the smile I had on was. I had a feeling that Peter felt more for me than he let show, and that made me nervous. I knew how to handle the jerks who couldn't keep their hands to themselves, I dealt with them a lot at the academy, but I don't know how to just say no to nice guys. Just like Mason.

We stared at each other for a little longer, before he turned away and broke the silence.

"You should get some rest and get cleaned up. You look like you could use a couple hours of sleep and a nice warm shower. The bathroom is right across the hall. If you need anything, I'm in the room next door if you need anything." He got up off the bed and I said thank you as he left the room.

I sat on the bed for a moment before getting up. I went to my small back pack and picked up my spare underwear. I didn't really know what to do about clothes…

There came a knock at my door. I put back the cute Victoria's Secret underwear that Lissa bought for me, and went to the door. When I opened it, I was very surprised to find Cathy standing there. She smiled at me.

"May I come in?" How could anyone say no to a face like hers? I gestured her in, she found a comfortable spot on the bed, just like Peter. She looked around and sighed, returning her gaze back to me with that smile that never seemed to disappear. "Do you like your room?"

I smiled. "How could anyone not? It looks like you put a lot of time and effort into this room. You must have worked very hard." One question still bugged me. "What do you do for a living, Cathy? You make a fine living." I gazed at the Slavic paintings that must have cost a fortune.

Her answer surprised me a little bit. "I work for international relations with the Moroi royal Court here in Russia." Those jobs were very hard to come by these days, and they weren't exactly the easiest jobs to fulfill.

My eyes widened. "Wow. That's quite a job. So do you bring Moroi royals together, or do you just help them into the country?" Her description was very vague.

"I guess I do a little of both. I'm also responsible for making sure that the Moroi are safe in our country. I make sure they have extra guardians on hand, just in case."

I sat down on the other side of the bed, grabbing a pillow. "That sounds like a big job, and you're balancing two kids on top of that. You are amazing," I was serious, but she laughed.

"It's not that difficult, and I enjoy taking care of my children. They'll be off to the academy in a year, so I am enjoying them while I can." She caught sight of my small backpack and frowned. "You didn't take very much," she stated.

I shrugged. "I didn't expect to be staying the night anywhere, but Peter insisted that I stop and rest. My original plan consisted of coming here, going to the Winter Palace, and then going back. Now I see that it's probably better that I rest anyways. I'm going to need my strength tomorrow. But I only brought what I really needed. Spare underwear, toothbrush, and toothpaste. What else would I really need?" She frowned again.

"You can borrow some of my old clothes," she said, getting up and walking towards a door on the other side of the room. She opened the door and started throwing things onto the bed.

"Thank you, but it's really fine. I can just wear this again; it's not really that dirty." I looked at myself and knew that I was wrong. My clothes were ragged and worn, looking like they'd be taking a trip to the trash soon.

"Nonsense," she called back to me. She threw me a pair of flannel pajama pants and a nice thermal shirt. "Those you can wear to bed. I know that you're going to take a shower, and I didn't want you putting on the same dirty clothes. I'll wash those and have them ready for you in the morning. But if you ask me," she gave me an apologetic smile, "those clothes won't keep you warm. They look like they are ready for retirement anyways." She read my mind. These jeans were from the Salvation Army store that Lissa and I visited back in Chicago.

"Thank you," I told her honestly. "This is very kind of you. Taking me in, giving me clothes. I'm not sure how I'll be able to pay you back." Maybe Lissa will help me out if I ever go back.

Cathy looked insulted. "You will do no such thing. I do not need anything in return. I have more than enough clothes, I never wear them anymore, and this room hasn't been used in ages. It just sits pretty most of the year." She started to walk towards the bed to sit down again, when we both heard a crash and a shatter.

A couple of frantic whispers before, "Peter did it!" Two little voices shouted. Cathy looked tired all of a sudden.

She looked at me with tired eyes again. "Sometimes, those two can be a handful," she said before excusing herself and heading out the door. I got out my clothes again and headed for the shower.

The hot water felt so good. I hadn't had a shower in a couple of days, and I hadn't felt warm since I got off the bus. Overall, the shower was my escape. When I closed my eyes, all I could feel was the warmth of the water and…

I felt arms wrap around my waist, I felt a kiss to my neck, and I knew who it was. I heard a soft whisper, "Roza, you are so beautiful." I knew this wasn't real: I was in a stranger's apartment, and Dimitri was a strigoi, but I was glad I could still pretend. I turned around to kiss him myself. Nothing but the tile wall stood in front of me. I felt a few tears escape my eyes, but I finished my shower and got out, not wanting to hog all the hot water.

When I returned to my room, I let myself cry. I hadn't cried about Dimitri until now. Remembering his touch, my entire body ached for him. I felt incomplete without him. It's like if Dimitri doesn't exist, neither does Rose. You can't have one without the other. I knew right then that I wouldn't be able to go back to Lissa. I would never be able to leave Dimitri. I knew that if Dimitri died, I would, too.

I let myself dream about Dimitri and his touches, kisses, his hands on me, whispering words of love and passion to me. I ended up crying myself to sleep, my chest aching the whole way.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I loved writing this chapter. It's very eventful and introduces new conflicts. The next few chapters will be very fun. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.**

**Chapter 4**

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Since sleep evaded me, I stayed up all night, hugging myself, hoping the ache in my chest would go away. It never did, but I survived the eight hours that were supposed to be meant for sleep.

Hoping to avoid any messy goodbyes with Peter, Cathy, Anya, and Nick this morning, I got out of bed and ready to go by five. I quietly cleaned the room and grabbed my backpack filled with my bare essentials. My hopes died when I saw Peter sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper as if it were any ordinary Sunday. A, it wasn't Sunday and B, who reads the paper anymore?

He looked up from his paper. It was written in Russian, so I didn't have a clue what it said. "Oh, good morning," he paused and looked at my backpack. I was clutching the strap tightly with fury. I didn't get any sleep, I have to do a job that I _really _don't want to do, and it's just that time of the damn month. Peter is really beginning to piss me off. "Going somewhere?" He asked conversationally.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "As a matter of fact, yes. I am going somewhere." I emphasized the "am" to make sure he understood that I'm going whether he likes it or not.

His calm expression didn't break, mine was about to. "Where are you going?" He knew, he just wanted me to say so he could follow me, stop me, and rescue the damsel in distress…even when she doesn't want to be saved. Heroes be damned, I am not about to tell this guy.

"I am going somewhere with danger lurking around every corner and death lingering over my head. Someplace power rangers like you would be too scared to go." Truth be told that he would die if he went. He doesn't deserve the same fate as me. He has a family. The thought of Cathy and the kids loosing someone like Peter would break my heart if it wasn't already broken.

"Power rangers?" He did the awesome one-eyebrow thing that I could never do.

I strained a smile. "Yeah, the heroes that handle the less intense missions. The heroes that are famous but never really see how bad things can be." My smile was supposed to be really cool and sinister. It was also supposed to be a warning of what was coming.

He stared at me. Finally the casual smile disappeared and he broke. I smiled inwardly to myself. I tend to have that effect on people. People could ask Dimitri about that if he were still alive. "If I'm a power ranger, then what are you? You just got out of the academy. Have you really seen what is out there? You are young, you haven't seen much." Several people have assumed that.

In a low voice, I told him, "I've seen more than you know." I turned around and lifted my hair to show him my point. My three _molnija_ marks: One for Isaiah, Elena, and the multiple that Christian and I defeated during the attack. I turned back around, and he looked shocked. "I told you. I've seen everything that needs to be seen by people like us."

"So if I'm a power ranger, then what are you?"

I had never really thought about it. From my birthday on, I was free. Using my freedom, I chase after what has to be done, even if I don't want to. Even if I destroy myself in the process, I do it anyways. I make the choices most people can't. That reminded me of a movie I saw. I smiled to myself. "I'm Batman. They called him the Dark Knight; I guess I'm one, too." I shrugged and walked towards the laundry room, where I hoped to find my clothes.

Peter didn't say anything to me for a long time. After I retrieved my clothes, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and started to head out.

"You need a tour guide?" I heard Peter's voice ask from behind. I whirled around.

"No. I have a map. Finding where I want to go shouldn't be that difficult." There should be a shirt for girls that say, "WARNING! RAGING HORMONES!" because mine were off the charts. I kept a straight face.

"Well then, how about a detour? There are many beautiful sights in the city that tourists never get to see. It's the places you need to see before you die." _Before you die._ The words echoed in my mind. What did I want to do before I died? I swiftly pushed the thought aside. Right now, Dimitri comes first.

I shook my head. Then I looked up and saw his expression. "You aren't letting me go alone whether I want to or not, are you?" He smirked. "Christ on crackers," I murmured.

"What?"

"Glad to have you aboard!" I opened the door and walked quickly down the several flights of stairs and out the door. My face came in contact with the below freezing air that I could never escape here.

"Re-thinking your decision?" I didn't bother turning around to see Peter.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I asked, growing very irritated. "I appreciate everything you've done for me and all, but why do you keep following me?" I looked to my side and saw Peter easily keeping up with my brisk pace.

He kept his gaze forward. "You are a very interesting person." He stated simply.

I scoffed. "So I hear."

"I'm also trying to figure out at least one of your secrets. You have a very dark air about you. I realize that you've been through a lot, you proved that this morning," I smiled to myself, "but there's more. You are a secret keeper. But even now, I can see the fight for control." I pretended I didn't hear that. If I acknowledged it, I might have to reconsider what level of friendship we were on.

"Curiosity killed the cat," I told him.

"Yes," he conceded, "but using its nine lives, it came back."

"Curiosity can do more than just kill a cat," I told him. "And if emotions, well recognized as feminine, are inimical to feline life, then jealousy would soon leave the whole world catless."

I turned to see his reaction to my retort, and he looked shocked. Leaving people speechless is a talent of mine. I just kept walking. We soon reached a small street that looked more like an ally-way than a street. He turned and I curiously followed.

"This is one of my favorite places." He looked up. When I looked up, I saw beautiful old apartments. There were rod-iron railings surrounding the small balconies that would hold about one person. The metals were sculpted into elegant swirls and designs. The snow made everything look that much prettier.

"Wow," I breathed, my visible breath hitting me in the face. "This is beautiful." I'm glad I followed Peter. This place really was beautiful. I'm glad I got to see it before I died.

"Yes, you are." Whoa, that one caught me off guard.

I nearly choked. "What did you say?" I stopped walking. He took a few more steps before turning around to face me. His eyes, deep dark pits, looked passionate and lustful at the same time. They looked like Dimitri's eyes. I nearly started crying.

"I said, yes. You are beautiful." I expected his cheeks to turn red like Mason's always did when he said something that showed his affection for me, but his didn't. He meant what he said, and he wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to say it. That scared me.

"Well, I'm flattered, but I was talking about the scenery." I swallowed my tears and tried to push away the flood of memories of Dimitri, telling me he loved my hair, how I looked in my black dress, how he loved _me_.

He stared at me a moment more before he continued walking. Sighing with relief, I continued to walk. When I got right up behind him, he abruptly turned around to face me.

His eyes were filled with the same passion. "Rose—" I felt the prickling, nauseous feeling in my stomach. I pushed Peter away and turned around to fight off whatever strigoi thankfully cut off whatever Peter was about to say.

It was the blonde strigoi from the academy. The one that murdered Dimitri. I hesitated, so did Blondie.

He grinned. "If it isn't Dimitri's little girlfriend," he slurred. If he was still human, I would've said he was drunk. "He will be glad you came to pay him a visit. Want to join me?" His red eyes widened. "I was just on my way to see him."

"Not anymore you're not." My leg flew at him. He swiftly dodged it. I grabbed my stake that I kept attached to my belt at all times. I started throwing punches and dodging all of his attacks. His grunts indicated his growing irritation that he couldn't land a hit on me. One of my punches didn't connect, but the tip of my steak did. There was a clear cut across his arm and his screamed in pain. I took this as an opportunity and tried to stake him, only he grabbed my arm and pinned me to a building.

The thirst in his eyes was restrained. "I'm sure Dimitri wanted to save this part for himself, but I don't think I can wait that long. He'll understand." My struggles were no use when he mouth made its way to my neck. Then he let go of me and he flew ten feet down the street.

Peter took after him, and I followed suit. They both wrestled with each other, neither one gaining on the other. I decided it was time to intercede. Pushing Peter aside, I brutally kicked Blondie and he fell to the ground. I lunged for him. Before he could get up, I was on top of him, and despite his frantic struggles, my stake made its way under the ribs and sternum and pierced his heart. His eyes widened for a moment before closing.

I didn't move for a long time. Standing over his body, breathing heavily, I didn't notice Peter trying to get my attention.

"Rose," he shook my shoulder. My body slowly turned to face him. "Are you okay?" His guard was up. His body looked stiff, and his eyes left me every couple of moments.

"Yeah" I breathed. "Fit as a fiddle." I turned around and used Blondie's shirt to clean off my stake before returning it to my belt. If I did end up going back to Cathy's, I didn't want to show up with blood on her jeans. It would totally freak the kids out.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said. I dragged Blondie's body over to the nearest dumpster and with Peter's help, threw him over the side. Okay, it was a sloppy clean up job, but it was the best we could do on short notice and with little resources.

He scoffed. "That's a lie. You talked to him like you would talk to an arch foe that you haven't seen in a while. He was a _strigoi_ and you were talking to him." He seemed to be having a hard time processing the information he gathered. He had a look on his face that read-DOES NOT COMPUTE.

"He kind of _is_ an arch foe I haven't seen in a while and since I didn't get to kick his ass last time," I gestured towards the dumpster. "Well, as you can see." I continued walking down the alley.

"And who was he talking about? This Dimitri guy. You looked surprised until you heard his name. Then you just looked pissed." I almost laughed. He couldn't pull off cussing in English. I highly doubt Dimitri could either, and that's why he stuck with Russian.

My voice firm, I said, "That's none of your business." I hoped he would leave it alone. "You shouldn't have interceded. His ass was supposed to mine, and now I can't take full credit." He didn't leave it alone.

"You fell in love with a strigoi?" Peter reprimanded me.

Glaring murderously, I said, "I didn't. I fell in love with someone who was turned into a strigoi. Not that you'd understand. All your girlfriends kissed you with their eyes closed, and judging by your face, it's the only way they could."

He glared back. But with all honesty, it wasn't nearly as good a glare as mine. "Is that why you're here? To kill him? Or to be turned into one yourself?" My mouth dropped. Who would ever turn strigoi by their own will? That was like condemning yourself to hell. Peter immediately regretted saying that.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I shouldn't have said that." His apology held no affect towards me. I continued walking and brushed past him.

"I don't hold your behavior against you because I know it's caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell and your head broke the pavement." My wit reawakened within me. This always happened when I got angry.

Peter caught up with me. "Okay, I deserved that one, but are you still in love with Dimitri?"

Can this guy read my mind? "Ordinarily, people live and learn. You just live." He didn't know when to hold back. Dimitri taught me how to hold back…on some things.

"I thought so." I didn't respond.

We were silent for a long time. We walked through the alley-ways, viewing the scenery, forgetting the strigoi we just encountered. Nothing was said until we made it back to civilization and stopped in front of a coffee shop.

"Need something to eat?" He asked. Really, I think he was just addicted to coffee.

"Sure," I said despite myself. The coffee joint was a Starbucks. I haven't had their hot cocoa since Lissa and I took the shopping trip to Missoula. I also ordered a muffin to eat. My sugar levels were low from the morning's festivities.

We sat in silence. Me, because I was pouting that he knew so much about me, him probably because he felt bad for bringing the banned topic up.

"Excuse me for a moment." He got up and headed for the back.

I was still angry. "When you see the sign on the men's bathroom that says 'Gentleman', pay no heed. Just go right on in." I smiled coldly. He glared at me.

"I'm laughing inside." He walked off. I turned back to my cocoa.

Keeping my eyes on the swirly designs on the table, I sipped my very hot cocoa and stayed silent, thinking about Dimitri and Blondie Boy. With the strigoi temperament, it's not possible for them to live together. They can only barely tolerate getting together to form plots against the Moroi and planning their demise. If Blondie Boy was on his way to see Dimitri, that means they were already making plans.

I looked up in hope of finding Peter, to tell him I had to leave today, and that I wouldn't be going back. When my eyes brushed past the front windows of the shop, my eyes widened.

A tall, dark figure stood in front of the window. I met his blood red eyes. His hair looked disheveled, his clothes looked worn, and his skin was as white as the winter snow. He stood and stared at me. I became immobile under his gaze. My heart felt as if it would shatter at any moment.

"Dimitri," I whispered to no one. He smiled. A crowd walked by and then he was gone.

I didn't think, I just acted. Abandoning my hot beverage, I threw on my coat and picked up my backpack. A couple of people stared at my panicked movements, but I didn't acknowledge them. By the time I was outside the shop, he was already gone.

I ran back inside, once again, hoping to find Peter. He looked alarmed that I was standing.

"What—" he started to ask.

"What's Cathy's number?" I barked at him. If Blondie Boy and Dimitri were meeting, that could only mean that a Moroi would be attacked.

His befuddled expression frustrated me. "Yes, what do you need it for?"

"I don't have time to explain. Do you have it?" He pulled out a small cell phone. I grabbed it without hesitation. I ran into a slight problem: the whole damn thing was in Russian. "Uh, help?"

He half-smiled. "I was going to say something, but you had it in your hands before I could say anything."

"Sure you did. Find the number." He did.

"It's dialing," he said, handing the phone to me.

"Peter?" Cathy sounded worried.

"Cathy, hi, it's me, Rose. Do you know if there are any royal Moroi in the city?" She of all people would know.

She sounded flustered. I guess I spoke a little quickly. "Ah, um," I heart papers shuffling. "Ah, yes. Princess Vasilissa Dragomir, Christian Ozera, and Adrian Ivashkov. They just flew in. They claim it's for spring break."

Damn.

"Okay, thank you Cathy. Um, I'm not sure how to put this, but, ah, I'm not sure if I'll be seeing you again, so, uh, bye." I hung up before she could say anything. Peter looked a little freaked out.

I thrusted the phone into his hands and started moving. Peter, impossible as it sounds, distracted me temporarily, and now I might be too late. I ran for the alley which we came, knowing I'd find privacy there. Completely aware that Peter was trying to follow me, I pushed through the crowds. Not sure if I'd lost him or not, I sat down on a bench, closed my eyes, and searched for Lissa. My connection to her has been a little week lately, given that we've been far apart and I haven't bothered trying to see what she was up to. When the connection finally went through, I found her in a room, talking to someone.

"How soon will you be able to provide guardians for us?" Adrian's voice came from behind Lissa.

The woman looked nervous. She tried to look calm, but her eyes gave everything away. "Well, I should be able to have some here by midnight." She flipped through a filing cabinet and pulled out three files, probably guardians put on hold.

"There is no way you can get any sooner?" Lissa asked. She felt anxious, impatient, worried, and a little empty. She missed me.

The woman shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. We can hold you here for a while. There are waiting rooms with refreshments, and there are feeders on the second floor if you are thirsty. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." The woman looked exhausted. Then I knew. Adrian or Lissa had been using compulsion on her. Academy students weren't allowed to travel unless it was with family or the academy itself. Since they didn't have the permission statements, they wouldn't grant them guardians.

"Thank you." Lissa felt disappointed. She stood up, taking Christian's hand, which had remained silent throughout the conversation. When she took his hand, she felt a little warmer inside. Though, I could feel the sadness stirring in the back of her mind.

As they walked out, Christian whispered into Lissa's ear, "Don't worry, we'll find her. She can't be far." He squeezed her hand and her heart swelled with love. My chest began to ache.

"There are a few places I've been to that she might be. There aren't that many hotels, so we could check and see if she's there." Adrian sounded obnoxiously hopeful.

Lissa was a little more doubtful. "But she left over a week ago. She might already," but she couldn't finish. She didn't want to think of me being dead along with Dimitri…or worse.

"I'm sorry, but you have a point there. Rose has never really been one to think things through thoroughly before acting on it. She's a very spur-of-the-moment person. I wouldn't be surprised if she found him the day she got here and—" Christians murderous glare cut Adrian off. Lissa felt a little more hopeless. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that I'm fine for now and to say goodbye. I didn't want her to come looking for me.

All three of them sat down in the lounge, Adrian sober, Lissa doubtful, Christian worried, and they were all here for the same reason: to bring me back. They didn't know that I couldn't leave Dimitri.

When I pulled out of Lissa's head, Peter was shaking my shoulders. "Rose! Rose! Rose, are you okay?"

I shoved his hands away. "Chill, I'm fine. Just had a moment." He looked at his watch.

"Well, you've been having a moment for ten minutes now. Would you like to share what's on your mind?" His eyes were wide and hopeful.

I stood up. "Sorry to disappoint, but know. My thoughts aren't something you want to hear." He started to walk after me. I spun around and told him what needed to be said. "Listen, Peter. I appreciate everything you and your sister have done for me, but I really have to get going. I've stalled the job long enough, but now I have to get going or else bad things are going to happen all around."

He searched his mind for words. "What is going on? You aren't telling me anything! You talk to strigoi, you are in an extreme rush to kill one, and then you ask for the names of visiting Moroi. What kind of conspiracy are you a part of?" I thought that was the end of his "what the hell are you doing" speech, but no. "Why can't you stay here and let go of the past and move on with your life? Why can't you stay here with me?" Unexpected turn of subject.

"I'm trying to move on with my life!" More like end it. "That's why I have to do this! I can't move on until I kill him. He won't find peace until I do. And the reason I can't stay here with you is because I don't want to drag you into this. You'll die if you stick with me. That much I can guarantee. I care for you enough to stop you. If you value your family, your sister, niece and nephew, then stop following me."

I would've kept going, but his mouth enveloped mine with a kiss. I didn't get the warm, butterfly feeling that I got when I kissed Dimitri, I didn't feel the need to return the kiss, I didn't feel the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and put as much affection into it as Peter did. I didn't have that kind of feeling in me anymore.

When he pulled back, I didn't say anything. "Will you stay?" He asked.

I gave him my best sympathetic look. Shaking my head, I told him, "No. You know I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't return the feelings," if we were actually in a relationship, I'd still say that things were escalating a little too quickly for my taste. "I can only love one man in this world, and I came to Russia to kill him."

"Have you ever let yourself love anyone else?" Peter asked.

I nodded. "I learned a few months ago that you can't force love. When I thought Dimitri moved on, I tried to, too. I forced myself to like this one really nice guy who was crazy about me. But when he tried getting closer to me, I just couldn't do it. If the love isn't there, you have to learn to accept it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love." I remember telling that to myself the night on the roof with Dimitri.

"But you're willing to protect me from whatever it is you're going after?" He misunderstood me.

I clarified. "I'm protecting Dimitri from getting anymore blood on his hands than he already has. My best friend that I would've been assigned to be a guardian for, that was the most important person in the world to me several months ago, can't even take the place of Dimitri. I realized before I left that I could never love anyone more than I love Dimitri. My friend realized this too, yet she is still trying to keep me. I have to protect her, too. That's why I have to leave…now."

"Where are you going?" He sounded desperate for me to stay.

I gave him one more glance. "To finish what I set out to do."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is a little late! I've been frantically studying for these exams! Not looking forward to history, science, or geometry. English has always been my strongest subject. :)**

**Chapter 5**

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I felt a little guilty for leaving him hanging on my words, but I got a really bad feeling that he wasn't going to let me go away that easily. He might have let me go this time, but this isn't the last time I'll be seeing him. He acted as my shadow, always lurking around somewhere.

Not knowing which way to go, I pulled out a map that I had in my backpack. St. Petersburg wasn't the biggest city in the world, but it wasn't exactly the smallest either. I found my current location and started heading north.

Being a local would certainly help in a situation like this. I had no idea where a strigoi would hide in a city this size. To sum up my uneventful day, I sauntered through the St. Petersburg streets aimlessly, hoping to find something that leads to Dimitri. Now that Blondie told me they were getting together, I also had to worry about the murder of my best friends. The issues just keep piling up.

Exhausted from so much walking, I sat down on a park bench in front of the Winter Palace. I'm not one for art, but the building was undeniably beautiful. The Romanovs might have been politically incompetent, but they sure had taste. Staring at the beautiful structure, I wondered if people would ever notice if a Moroi moved back in. If it were just me in Lissa, I would've liked to live here. Rebuilding it would be a pain, but the outcome would be rewarding. I wouldn't change anything though. I'd restore it to its original glory.

A dark figure passed by the gates and caught my attention. Standing up, I followed the figure until the brick wall that outlined the premises turned a corner. The street, completely vacant, stretched on to the next corner. The dark figure continued to walk at a rushed pace. When he turned the next corner, I sprinted to the corner to see where he went.

Anxious, I looked around the corner. No one stood there. Cautiously, I walked a little further down the sidewalk. Then I noticed a swinging gate…and a couple of voices. Crouching down low next to the gate, I listened carefully.

"Where is he?" a raspy voice asked.

Another voice said, "Dead. He was attacked early this morning. We found him in a dumpster. The damage was too extreme for just one dhampir. There had to be at least two." They were talking about how Peter and I kicked Blondie's ass. Strigoi weren't as stupid as I assumed.

"He was expendable anyways. He always blabbed to his victims everything. We aren't going to let this ruin our plans. We are one step away from eliminating a royal family. The Ozera boy may have a different future than the Dragomir, but the Ivashkov…keep him." I felt bile rise in my throat. Not that I was entirely fond of Adrian, but he gave me a ton of money to get me here and really cared for me. Despite the fact he's annoying, envisioning him as a feeder is downright disgusting.

"We should tell Dimitri. He can get close to them." My heart sank to the ground. Dimitri is the one in charge of my best friend's murder. "He can also get us some more people."

For some reason, that angered the other voice. "What are you talking about? I have just as much respect around here as he does. Also, I'd like to have a go with the Dragomir girl. Her blood sounds mouthwatering right about now." His bloodlust was evident in his voice. I couldn't take anymore of this.

Slowly and quietly I stood up. Then the raspy voice gave me everything I needed. "We are all meeting back here. Tomorrow. Dimitri should have the Moroi here by then. If he doesn't, we'll just have to commence an attack." Shit. Either way I go there is disaster.

Taking what information I already had, I made a run for the public street around the corner. The idea that I sat within feet of two strigoi who obviously know what they are doing and get away unseen was unbelievable.

Reaching the street in front of the palace, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. In a crowd, there is safety and isolation. When I looked at a small clock tower further down the street, it said half past midnight. Lissa will have gotten her guardians by now. Stopping, I tried to tune into her conscience.

My efforts didn't fail, only I loathed what I was seeing.

"How did you manage to get away from the academy shortly before graduation?" I came to know that voice very well over the past few days.

Lissa suddenly stiffened. She didn't want to tell him any lies, but she didn't want to tell him the truth either. She spoke softly. "Adrian saw how stressed we were after the attack and told the headmistress that it would be best if we got away from all of it." No, that wasn't right. She had a flashback of Adrian using compulsion on Kirova to get us—her—out of there.

"Interesting," Peter said. He didn't buy the story one bit. "So where did you plan on staying?"

Adrian answered. "The Rocco Forte Astoria. It's the best we could do on short notice."

Lissa and Christian fell back while Adrian and Peter stayed ahead. I didn't notice until now, but there were two more guardians behind them, ready to fight when the time comes. Lissa gripped Christian's hand tightly.

"We'll find her and bring her back. Don't worry." Ha! So he thinks.

"But it's been over a week." Her hopes were dying. She prayed that I was still alive, but another part of her didn't want her to hope and thought I was already dead.

Christian said firmly, "We'll find her, Liss. Either that or she'll find us." I jumped back into my own head. They had plenty of guardians with them to keep her safe for a couple of hours. Now that I knew where they were staying made my life a hell of a lot easier.

Not knowing where to go, I wandered through the city. I grabbed a bite to eat with a little bit of Adrian's money and stayed sheltered for a while. When I stopped walking, I stood in front of what looked like a hotel. The huge sign said something in Russian. A couple seconds later I knew.

I saw Lissa and the rest of them walk into the hotel with their luggage. Lissa kept her eyes closely pealed for any slight chance of sighting me. Standing out front ogling at the fact I randomly chose to stand in front of Lissa's hotel made it very easy for someone to spot me.

I briskly walked away, pulling up my hood in case she saw me. Instead of walking away, my protective side for Lissa told me to stay close, just in case. I walked around the side of the hotel, hoping to find a bench or something. No such luck. I really was tired. I'd been up for more than twenty-four hours straight. Leaning against the side of the building, I sank down and let myself close my eyes.

I knew Adrian was here when I saw the green garden, completely enveloped by roses. Cheesy bastard.

"Adrian, get the hell out of my dream." I called out, knowing he would hear me.

Adrian materialized next to me on the iron bench. He looked tired. He smiled and said, "hey Rose. Long time no see. How has life been treating you?"

Glaring, I told him, "Well, you're here, so apparently not so well." He laughed.

"Glad to see you haven't lost your attitude. I'm not sure where you'd be without it." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Go ahead," I told him, looking away.

"Go ahead with what?"

I sighed, irritated. "Go ahead and ask how successful I've been. I can tell you're dying to."

"Okay then, how successful have you been?" I faced him.

"Well, I found out that Dimitri is being sent to kill you guys…well, only Lissa. He is going to keep you for a snack and try to convert Christian." Adrian winced. "I also know that you guys came after me." I got angry. "Why? You didn't trust that I would come back like I told you?" I never expected to come back, but I expected them to stay away.

Adrian grinned. "Nothing gets passed you, does it? We came back to make sure you came back…alive. Lissa would be crushed if she realized you came back in a body bag. This was her idea in the first place."

Anyone could see he was lying. "You're talking through your ass." I retorted. My dream world blurred.

Quickly, Adrian asked, "Where are you?"

My world blurred again. "Closer than you think."

"Tih! Tih!" A bellhop was yelling at me. I had no idea what he was saying, but he needed to chill.

I told him what I knew in Russian. "Ya ne ponimayu," _I don't understand._ "Ya iz Americah." I wasn't sure if it was the right translation, but I think its close enough.

The guy rolled his eyes, which really pissed me off. I gave him the universal sign for I hate you. I let the birdie fly. He frowned and just pointed to the street.

Grumbling about damn Russian hospitality, I made my way to the street. When I rounded the corner of the street, I stopped in my tracks.

Red eyes. Bright red eyes stared at me. His pale skin glowed from the moonlight. His brown hair looked disheveled and unkept.

My heart began to ache. Some part of my conscience told me I should be reaching for my stake, but I couldn't move. The rest of the world seemed to move around us. I could see the people, but the only person I could really see was Dimitri…or what used to be Dimitri.

"Dimitri," I whispered to myself. He didn't budge, neither did I. After a while of silence, I stepped towards him. He took a step back. "Are you going to kill Lissa?" I asked. With that, he bolted. Without thinking, I ran after him. I shouted his name, running after him. "Dimitri!" I noticed the people staring, but ignored them.

Then something clicked. I stopped running. He _wanted_ me to chase after him. He needed to steal away Lissa, and I stood in the way. I extended my conscience out to Lissa. She felt happy; unusually happy.

"It's Rose!" She yelled, looking at a letter. I didn't write a letter.

Adrian and Christian were by her side right away.

_Oh no, no, no, no._

"She says she can meet us in front of the Winter Palace tomorrow at eleven. I told you she was here! I wasn't hallucinating." She sneered at Christian. He put an arm over her shoulders.

Christian looked at the note speculatively. Hopefully he would notice something off about the note. If he doesn't, I will personally walk in there and kick his ass for being the dumb shit that he is. "Something's not right," he said uneasily. Halleh-damn-luah he has a brain after all!

Lissa rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about, Christian? Of course it's Rose. Who else could it be?" Lissa was irritated that Christian would doubt her. She wanted to believe so badly that I sent that letter.

Adrian leaned over her shoulder and got a peek at the letter. "I agree with Christian. She's alone in Russia, with enough money for food and a place to stay. Where is she going to get a hold of a printer and a computer? If she was sending a letter, she'd write it."

Lissa frowned, and her hopes dimmed slightly. She stared at the note, hoping that I really did send that note.

_Lissa,_

_I'm sorry I left, but I needed to keep my promise. I'm finished here and ready to go back. Hopefully I didn't mess up too badly with Kirova that she won't let me back in. Please meet me in front of the Winter Palace tomorrow night at eleven. Bring Adrian and Christian._

_Love,_

_Rose_

I definitely did not write that letter. I never signed my letters with "love." That's so…girly.

"Be honest Liss, does that really sound like Rose?" That was Christian. I'd have to remember to thank him.

She hesitated. She fought between what she wanted, and what she knew was right.

She chose wrong. Shaking her head furiously, "No. Rose sent this. I know she did."

Adrian and Christian sighed in defeat. They didn't want to crush Lissa, but they didn't want her to hope too much either. I could understand the looks on all their faces. They were thinking, "hey, why not? It's not like some strigoi is going to pop out and get us."

Quickly, I ran inside the hotel, making sure I stayed mostly invisible. I approached the check-in counter.

"Excuse me?" The woman behind the counter turned around to face me. "Do you have a piece of paper and pen?" She nodded, digging in a few drawers before finally handing it to me. "Thank you."

I scribbled as fast as I could.

_Get out of here. It's not safe. Ask Peter to take you to his sister right away. He can protect you; that or go home where you are supposed to be. Whatever you do, do _NOT_ go to the palace. The strigoi found out you are here and they are going for your head. Do not follow me, do not seek me, tell Adrian to stop hacking my dreams, and tell Christian he's not as dumb as he looks._

_-Rose_

I thought that pretty much summed up everything. I have the note to the woman. "Is there a room under 'Ivashkov?'?" She looked to her computer.

"Yes. Would you like me to send him this letter?" I could hardly understand the thick Russian accent.

"Yes, thank you." I bolted out of there. I ran into a couple of bellhops, but I made it out of there within seconds. I ran down the street in Dimitri's direction, positive that Peter would keep Lissa safe. Not surprisingly, I made it to the end of the street to find the Winter Palace again. I sat on the bench again, feeling a pull at the bond.

Lissa pulled me in.

"You were right," she whispered. Adrian sat next to her on the couch, Christian on her other side. "She didn't send the last letter." She half smiled. "The terrible handwriting pretty much proves it." She read over the words, growing slightly horrified.

"We have to get Peter." Adrian got up, but Christian stayed with Lissa.

"She says you're not as dumb as you look," she told Christian. He smiled and her heart fluttered.

"She's with you Liss. She always has been. She must have seen that note." He put a reassuring arm over her shoulders again. "She knows what she's doing," not really. "Just let her go. She said she'd come back. Trust her a little."

Lissa's mood turned sarcastic. "Oh, she's coming back alright. She just didn't specify whether it's in a body bag or not." She flinched at her own words. She was determined to bring me back alive.

Peter burst into the room. "That letter is from Rose?" He demanded, holding his hand out. Lissa, a little frightened, gave him the note. She hesitated for a moment, worried that they'd find out their true reason for being here. His eyes flew over the letter. He muttered a swear word in Russian. He glanced up at all three of them. "Get your things. We need to move. You are practically sitting ducks staying here." He turned around and left the room while everyone remained stunned into silence.

Slowly, they started collecting their things and I tuned back into my own mind.

I still stared at the huge palace in front of me. There weren't any people on the street and I didn't want to look like a midnight snack for the strigoi. I stood up and started walking again, attempting to form a plan in my mind.

Now that I knew Lissa was going to be safe, I could focus on more important and pressing issues. I knew that Dimitri is planning a get-together tomorrow, he plans on murdering Lissa, and his gang of followers already respects him. It's hard not to respect him when he is so wise…even if he is a strigoi. I had to be there. It might be my only chance to save his soul.

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**A relatively short chapter. I didn't have time to really expand on it. Most likely, I will not be updating for another week or so, at least until exams are done. Pray for me!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: OMG I cannot tell you how sorry I am for waiting so long to update. School has been kicking my ass and my parents are about to murder me for being on the computer, so I PRAY that this will satisfy you for a little longer! Once againk, I'm so sorry! (Good news though! Boosted grade in Geometry but bad news is that my biology teacher is still a dick who can't teach without bringing up World of Warcraft and Xbox live.)**

**Chapter 6**

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I knew this was really stupid of me to do, but what else was I supposed to do? Just wait for a newsflash to show up in the newspaper reading, "STRIGOI MEETING INSIDE ST. PETERSBURG PALACE!" followed up by a date and time? If I'm going to protect Lissa, then I have to act now.

When I first arrived here, I thought the St. Petersburg palace looked beautiful, now it just looked intimidating. Standing right outside of it made me feel very small and unimportant. Ignoring the _oprichniki_ wandering the streets and the "DO NOT ENTER" sign, I scaled the fence and used the darkness to obscure my body, sprinting for the huge palace.

I couldn't find any entrances. All the doors were patched up with wood planks. That would not stop Rose Hathaway from getting in. I started tugging fiercely on the wood. After a couple seconds, I heard some of the nails coming loose. One more tug and the piece of rotted wood was off. One down, only five more to go.

After ten minutes of fighting with the rotted wood, I finally cleared enough of it to squeeze through. The place was a pitch black. I could barely see the tile floors in front of me that were lightly visible from the illuminated moon. I found a grand staircase, and decided that there was no harm in following it. When I reached the first landing, there was a slightly aged portrait of the last of the Romanov family.

Little does the rest of the world know, the Romanovs were actually royal Moroi. They were the reason Moroi ruled the vampire world ruled secretly now. Czar Nicholas II made the mistake of hiring Rasputin, a dhampir, to protect Alexei. He is the reason that Dhampirs are just shadows for Moroi. Rasputin gained political influence through Alexei, and because of him, the Russian people began to hate the Romanovs for their political incompetence. Lissa's family, the Dragomirs, stepped in and murdered the man. Their tactics were questionable, but in the end, they got the job done. Then the worst possible thing happened: a group of people found out. Lenin and his followers rebelled against having vampires as the ruling monarch. Personally, I wouldn't mind vampires ruling over an empire; just don't tell that to the communists.

I continued to ascend the seemingly endless staircase, and finally reached a floor that seemed promising. When I rounded a corner, I found tables among tables of serving trays and silverware. I'm surprised nobody had smuggled out any of this stuff and sold it on the streets. Everything was covered in cobwebs and dust, but I couldn't help but run my hands along the silver. _This is all that's left of the Romanov dynasty: a palace filled with material things_. The thought saddened me.

The next room almost made me laugh. The high ceilings and paintings on the walls; it was the ballroom. I felt like I was in some sort of Disney movie for Anastasia, waiting for 'Once Upon a December' to start playing. I permitted a smile and sauntered forward into the room. The velvet chairs at the top of the steps was probably where the royal family sat; there were two small little chairs. I swallowed whatever got stuck in my throat. Murdering children…a chill ran down my spine.

I silently made my way across the moonlit floor to the other side, hoping to get a hint of something. Lucky me, I heard voices. I didn't make myself seen, but only listened from around the corner.

"What do you mean, 'it didn't work'? We've been planning this for over a month now and you come back with, 'it didn't work'? What the Hell Dimitri!" The voice hissed.

"Rosemarie Hathaway sent a note, telling them to get outside of the city. I couldn't do anything without revealing myself." Dimitri's frustrated voice made my heart stop. He sounded the same, but different at the same time. The correct adjective hit me like a cold wave: _soulless_.

"Is that the real reason you stopped? Your passed lover just happened to show up? Get a hold of yourself, Dimitri. She doesn't matter." The harsh tone made me angry. No one should talk to Dimitri that way.

"Of course she doesn't matter. She's just an obstacle we have to get rid of." As much as I hated the words, they were only to be expected. He was a strigoi: he had no sense what was right, moral, or ethical. My Dimitri didn't exist anymore; only a hollow body remained. But I wanted so badly to round the corner and just look at him again.

"So how do you plan to accomplish—" I hated myself right now. My hand accidentally hit the candlestick sitting on the table behind me, making it clatter to the floor. I did the only thing that I could do: run.

I sprinted across the dance floor, perfectly aware of the gaining footsteps behind me. My stomach prickled, making me feel nauseous. _I am perfectly aware that there are two strigoi chasing after me! _I shouted internally. A footstep came a little too closely to mine.

I whipped around and swung a kick at my pursuer, and came in contact with Dimitri's side. He grabbed a hold of my ankle and twisted it until I fell to the ground. He looked at me for a good five seconds before his pal turned up next to me.

"Speak of the devil," he said with astonishment. "Rosemarie Hathaway, how very nice to see you. We were just about to go looking for you. What are you doing in a place like this?"

"None of your fucking business you son of a bitch," I spat. Dimitri rolled his eyes. Every part of my body wanted to hold him, but every part of my mind told me that I shouldn't and that this wasn't Dimitri.

"Ah, I like it when they have a little fight in them."

My anger bubble burst. "Then you are going to love me," I used my free leg to kick free of Dimitri's hold. I suddenly realized that I had two strong strigoi against me. The odds were against me, but as long as I took care of Dimitri, the outcome of my life didn't matter. I leapt up and guarded myself from one of Dimitri's flying fists. I tried to remember the time I fought off three teachers during my brief field experience and tried applying it with two strigoi instead of three guardians.

Determined, I realized I was only fighting Dimitri. I was on the defense against his buddy, but otherwise I ignored his attacks. It continued like this for a long time: block Buddy (as I'd come to call him), attack Dimitri. Block Buddy, attack Dimitri. It became an endless cycle, and I lost strength and energy quickly.

Buddy realized this, too. "You can't fight forever Rose. Give up and you might be lucky enough to be our fountain." I mentally shivered.

"Not until I finish business," I huffed between attacks. Dimitri stayed silent.

"Does it really bother you that much to see Dimitri as a strigoi? It really isn't so bad after you get past the thirst in the beginning," this guy was pushing buttons. "If you became one, maybe you could be together again." I completely turned on Dimitri and attacked Buddy.

"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at the bastard. He didn't look surprised at my reaction, but he barely dodged my quick coming attacks. I felt Dimitri's presence behind me, and I swung my stake around and—to my horror—came in contact with his heart. His hollow body sank to the floor in an ungraceful way into a heap. I stared at it for the longest time.

I felt empty, numb, and heartbroken. I looked at a job well done, but I still felt like a failure. If I hadn't just stood by while Blondie killed him, I could've saved him from this fate. If I had been on a better guard, I would've been able to protect him, but no. Now Dimitri lied in front of me as a dead heap of flesh on the floor.

Why didn't the world stop? Or did it? I couldn't tell. I couldn't feel tears coming, and it didn't surprise me. I couldn't feel anything; only the painful aching of my hollow heart. I felt my world crumble in front of me. Everything that I had hoped and dreamed for died with Dimitri. Why was I still standing? Why wasn't I on the floor dead alongside him? Was the world still rotating? Would the sun rise?

More than anything, I wanted to be dead. Before Dimitri died, I wanted to live. Now I want to disappear, to dissolve, to die. I lost all will of living or moving. When I felt a fist come in contact with my temple, all I could think was, _thank you_…

***

LPOV

"Something's wrong," I told Christian, waking up from a disturbed sleep.

His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" I got up and started getting dressed. Christian got up and tried to stop me. "What's going on?"

When I was sleeping, something dawned on me. If Rose really was here, what would she be trying to do? Protect me, and kill Dimitri. What was the most secure, isolated, and secretive place for Strigoi to hide out and plot out my demise? The Winter Palace.

"I know where Rose is, or where she's going to be," I pulled on my winter coat and fur boots. Christian started throwing on their clothes, too.

"Where is she?" He asked.

"I'll explain on the way. Get Peter while I get Adrian up." I ordered. Christian ran to get Peter. I entered Adrian's room without knocking.

"Adrian!" I discovered the shouting was unnecessary. He was already up.

"We've got to get to the Winter Palace," he said, getting up in a rush.

"How do you know? Did you get into her dreams again?" It didn't bother me that he was still in his boxers.

"Yeah, but I couldn't get her to respond because she's bleeding to death on the floor, thinking that she's already dead." I froze in the doorway, but Adrian kept moving. The thought of Rose dying didn't click in my mind. She was too strong; her senses were too acute to let a Strigoi take her down. The possibility of her dead seemed impossible.

Adrian pulled me out of my thoughts. "Let's go!" I followed him out the door and found Christian talking to Peter out in the hall.

Peter was frowning."You're positive she's there?"

Adrian, completely sober, shouted, "yeah, and she'll bleed to death if we don't get our asses moving right now!" He didn't need to tell us twice.

We ran down the staircase, not having the patience to wait in an elevator. Peter called up a cab to take us to the Palace. In the car, we were all ancy.

"Did you find out anything else?" I asked Adrian. "Where is she in the Palace? Is there still Strigoi in there? Is Dimitri there?" Adrian frowned.

"She's in the ballroom…on the floor next to Dimitri." My breathing stopped. She really killed him. Part of me didn't think she could do it. Now that she did, would she really want to be healed? Would she even have the will to live? I prayed she would. "There is still one Strigoi left, but Rose got him pretty good and he's pretty beat up. Taking him down shouldn't be difficult.

I moaned. "Of course. Rose _would_ take on two Strigoi at once." She always acted on impulse.

"She's done it before. Have more faith in her." Christian, for some reason, always defended Rose in that way.

"Yes, but you helped her," I corrected.

He scoffed. "We pretty much held our own. It's not like I stood by her side the entire time protecting her. She can take care of herself. I think what happened was that she killed Dimitri first and just lost the will to fight. That's probably what happened. She could've taken on one Strigoi any day."

"Oh yeah, sure, she can take care of herself. That's why she's dying on the dance floor of an abandoned palace!" Christian didn't get mad or frustrated. He knew my yelling was just fear on its way out.

We pulled up to the palace. The gates were locked, so we had to scale the fence to get in. My heart beat faster as we got closer to the huge palace. We found a bunch of wood planks on the floor where Rose must have got in. We all managed to squeeze in. I felt like I knew where I was.

"This way," I pointed up the stairs. We all ran up the stairs with Peter leading the way and two more guardians behind us. The stairs seemed to take forever. We finally reached another floor where I saw the double doors… "Through there," I guided. We burst through the door.

"Rose!" I shrieked, running for her still body. Her head was lying in a pool of blood next to Dimitri's body. Adrian grabbed my wrist.

"Lissa! Lissa, stop! Think for a second," I was confused. Why did I need to stop? Rose was dying! "We should probably try to heal Dimitri, too." He winced as the words left his mouth. Then I understood. He wanted me to bring back Dimitri because he didn't think Rose would have the will to live. Just because I heal her body doesn't mean I heal her mind. She can be in perfect health and still give up on life.

"Adrian, I can't bring back everyone from the dead." I tried pulling away, but he didn't let go.

"I know, but we can either watch Rose be miserable for the rest of her life and wish for death, or we can try and save Dimitri and have her think life is worth living. It's your choice because I'm not strong enough to bring him back, but I'm strong enough to heal Rose if you want to take care of Dimitri." I didn't know what to think, but Adrian walked over to Rose and took her blood covered hands in his. The blood stopped flowing, and her hair didn't look sticky anymore, but she wasn't waking up either.

"It's your call, Lissa." I looked to Christian for advice in a panic. My eyes asked him, _should I? _He surprised me by nodding his head. What did he know that I didn't? I lowered myself to the floor next to Dimitri. My hands hesitated.

"Christian, come here." He did as I asked. "I don't know if I'll be strong enough to hold out after I do this, so just make sure I don't…" I lowered my eyes to the pool of blood next to me. I looked back to Christian.

"Of course. I'll be here for you." He kissed my cheek, and I took Dimitri's cold, dead hands in mine. Taking a deep breath, I allowed the magic to flow through me and into Dimitri.

I saw a burst of light. Music, rainbows, light, everything filled with life passed through me. So much of it left me and I felt tired. Before I fell over, I saw Dimitri stir, and I smiled…

***

RPOV

"Rose!" Adrian? What the Hell? Shit, is he dead too?

"Adrian? What the Hell are you doing here? You didn't kill yourself, did you?" I sighed. I saw him materialize out of the blackness.

"Rose, what are you talking about? You're not dead!" He sat down next to me. "Where are you? If you are dead, at least let us give you a proper funeral," a smile formed on his lips.

"I can't tell you. Lissa will just try to bring me back like she did last time. I don't want to live anymore. It's my time to die, so God damn it _let me die_!" I shouted.

Adrian feigned hurt. "Is the thought of taking a chance at me that horrifying to you?" He joked.

"You know that isn't it," I retorted. "It's just—" I racked my brain for a good explanation, but came up empty. "I'm just tired, is all. Let me live my death in peace!" Okay, even I thought that sounded weird. Adrian laughed. Adrian always got a kick of invading my brain.

"Not until you tell me where you 'died'," what was with the ultimatum?

"UGH, I'll tell you if you promise that Lissa won't bring me back." I didn't want to be a walking zombie in front of her.

He thought about it. "Deal. Now where in Hell are you?"

"St. Petersburg Palace. Now go away and leave me in peace." Adrian de-materialized and I sank back into darkness again, hoping to never wake up.

***

I heard an annoying beeping noise after a long time. I wanted to murder the damn thing that beeped to no end. My head hurt like a bitch and my entire body felt uncomfortable. Where was I? Heaven? Hell? Or the world of the dead?

I tried opening my eyes, but to no avail, I remained in blackness. I slowly started hearing things. Voices. I slowly began to identify them.

"You are a real idiot," a female voice hissed. "I can't believe you of all people would pull a stunt like this. That's why she left? We've been trying to solve that mystery for over a month now! Kirova is going to have a field day with this one." I finally identified the voice. Dr. Olendski.

"It wasn't exactly something we could control." The soft voice stopped me cold. There was no way in Hell that I could ever hear that voice again. That voice died several months ago. It kept going. "She's an adult now. There's nothing that can be said against it." He said defiantly, but reasonably at the same time.

"I have something to say against it." Oh, God, please, if you haven't done it already, kill me now. "What the Hell is going on? Why is my daughter in a coma after going missing for over a month?!" My mother shouted. I wanted to yell at her to tone it down. The loud yelling was making my head hurt even more. Also, apparently, I'm not in a coma. I can hear everyone just fine.

"I think I'll have to plead the fifth for now." His voice still didn't register. Nothing made sense anymore. Why could I hear his voice? What was my mother doing here?

"Of course you will." My mother grumbled. I heard footsteps approach me slowly. The click clack of heels told me it was my mother. I felt her hand brush across my forehead. "She was never supposed to have to do any of this," I heard her whisper. "Now she's half dead because of it," she said thickly. Was she crying?

_I'm not dead! _

"I told her that she wouldn't join you, and instead she takes your place. What kind of fucked up arrangement is that?" Whoa, I've never heard my mother so pissed.

"Mutual feelings there. I didn't want her to make that choice either. I would take her place if I could, but what good would that do?" Silence followed his statement.

_I'm not dead!_

"I guess no one can really be responsible for what happened. I guess we'll just have to wait." Her hand touched my temple, and it hurt.

"I can point out easily who is responsible." Adrian's irritated voice caught me by surprised.

"No one is responsible Adrian," He chastised.

Menacingly, Adrian said, "Eye for an eye?" I heard the threat and went Gandhi.

"'An eye for an eye only makes the world blind'," I barely breathed. All talk in the room stopped. I felt a smile materialize on my lips. "Long live Gandhi."

"Rose? Rose?" My mother's thick, anxious voice came from right next to me.

Clearing my throat a little bit, I said, "Hey. What brings you to this neck of the woods?" I couldn't open my eyes. I felt exhausted from just trying to speak.

"Rose, can you open your eyes?" I heard doc ask. I didn't even want to talk anymore. I didn't open my eyes.

Something was much more pressing. "Can you shut that damn beeping thing off? It's really irritating and isn't making the headache go away." I could feel my strength slowly slipping away.

"Of course," was the last thing I heard before I went under again.

When I came to again, I heard the beeping again and felt a cup over my mouth trying to shove air into me. My hand went to take the breather off, but was caught by a very warm hand.

"I don't think so," His voice told me. Passing it off as a dream, I ignored his request.

"I beg the differ," I defied, pulling it off. I heard him sigh.

"You never were so good at listening."

"No," I argued, "I'm good at listening, just terrible at applying. Don't worry; a lot of people don't know the difference." I pretended to forgive him.

"Gee, thanks," I heard the sarcasm. The conversation turned serious. "Roza," the way he said my name made me relax again. "What were you thinking? You nearly got yourself killed." Was he seriously chastising me on this topic?

"Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet pot." I told him. "You are not seriously giving me a lecture on dying are you? I'm not the one—" I cut myself off realizing it was actually my fault he died in the first place. "I made a promise. I kept it." I finished.

"Your mother told me what happened after," he trailed off and I winced. "Nothing was your fault. What happened happened." His hand brushed my haystack of hair out of my face, leaving trails of fire.

I groaned. "That's so _not_ what I want to hear right now. Like my mother said, it's no one's fault."

He looked confused. "Then what do you want to hear me say?"

"You know God damn well what I want you to say." My eyes begged him to say it.

Finally, it clicked. He took my hand and kissed it. "I love you, Roza." My heart felt as if it would burst.

"I'm glad, because I love you, too."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: For all those who fear of the ending of this story, it is not over. I have plenty more I'd like to write about. This is just the beginning of another journey for Dimitri and Rose. Like I said early in the story, Dimitri became very popular and like a leader to the Strigoi. Cause and effect people. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

I don't know how long I stared into those dark eyes. Those beautiful dark eyes I thought I'd never see again. The bags under his eyes indicated he hadn't slept in a long time. His hair looked disheveled and unkept. I wanted so badly to run my hands through that dark, silky long hair.

"You haven't slept," I pointed out with obvious disapproval.

He didn't smile. "I was terrified for you." His eyes glossed over and I remembered one thing about Dimitri: I had never seen him cry. I'd always seen Dimitri as invincible, or at the very least inhuman strength of the mind. I knew that he fought for control like me, but tears were never something he had to fight back. Seeing him on the verge seemed like enough to break me down. "I couldn't help but feel that, because of what I was, I hurt you. I didn't know if I'd hurt you at all because I don't remember anything. The first thing I saw was you…" his voice trailed off.

I looked away, shamefaced. "No, that wasn't your fault. That was just me being stupid again; not putting any thought into anything. I don't really remember much either. I didn't _want_ to remember anything." I smacked myself in the forehead. "God, I've been so stupid these past couple of months. I'm a fucking mess." I didn't say it dejectedly, just as a statement of fact. I accepted it.

Dimitri removed my hand from my forehead where I probably left a good red mark. "No," he said softly. "You did what you believed to be right. What _I_ believed to be right. Almost everything you did was right." His thumb drew circles on the top of my hand while staring directly into my eyes.

I frowned. "What do you mean by 'almost' everything right?"

I couldn't explain the expression on his face. Frustration, disapproval, passion? I couldn't narrow it down. "Why did you give up, Roza?" His voice got thick. "Why did you just give up? You told Lissa you'd come back to her."

"I told her—" he cut me off before I could finish.

"You need to keep promises you make. Don't abandon people like that. I thought you wanted to protect Lissa, not abandon her? She's been a wreck these past couple of days." I winced. I never wanted nor intended to get Lissa roused up or upset. Guilt clouded my mind. Dimitri took a deep breath before continuing. "Really, Rose, what were you thinking?" He shook his head.

An annoyed feeling buzzed in my mind. "Well, knowing that Adrian would try to go out with me when I returned is enough reason for suicide," he smiled a little at that, "and as for right now, I really want to get out of this stupid bed. I think I've spent a good month of my life in this clinic altogether." I decided to save the last part for a better time.

He shook his head. "No, you need to stay in here until the nurse let's you go."

"Want to play doctor? I'll be the patient. You can give me a physical. That should pass the time pretty quickly." I needed to get out of here before I really went crazy.

Dimitri tried being serious, but who can be serious with such a childish innuendo? "No." If he said anything else, he'd burst into laughter.

"Can I at least sit up? I'm straining my neck just to look at you dude." He conceded and I adjusted myself.

"Tell me what else you were thinking when we were in Russia. You didn't tell me everything." Damn it. He could always tell.

"Maybe another time." I changed perspectives. "What are you now? I mean, are you dhampir, Moroi, human?" He seemed to think about his answer.

"That's what took us a while to figure out. Strangely enough, I'm actually a dhampir again. I feel completely normal and healthy. But you changed the subject."

"Duh." I was going to say something else, but Dr. Olendzki walked in. Dimitri let go of my hand.

"Rose! You're up! That's wonderful. How do you feel?" She grabbed a folder from the end of my bed and Dimitri moved so that she could take his seat. I much preferred he sat there. "So?"

"I feel fine." I rolled my eyes.

She looked at me with a doubtful look. "Rose, if anything is wrong, you need to tell us. It won't help you get better." Her stare never wavered.

"Why do you keep asking? Did _you _find something with me? Last time I checked, which wasn't too long ago, I was perfectly fine." I felt very irritable.

Just then, my mother walked into the room. "Wow, it's a family reunion! All we're missing now is Lissa!" I shouted sarcastically. "Seriously guys, I'm fine." Lissa walked into the room bashfully and I started laughing.

"Hey Liss," she smiled, and a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks. She ran over to me and enveloped me in a strong hug I never thought possible for a Moroi.

"Rose! I'm so happy you're okay," She pulled back a little bit and smacked me on the arm playfully. "Don't ever leave me like that again!" She chastised me, but she looked too happy to pull it off.

I glared at Dimitri. "You hear that? Don't make me chase after you again. If you want to stop training me, there are easier ways than going Strigoi." Everyone laughed. Strangely, I felt tears stinging in my eyes. I meant it as a joke, but it really hit home.

"If anything, I think you should be training me now. How many _molnija _marks do you have now, anyways?" Strange he asked.

"Six," Dr. Olendzki answered absent mindedly.

"We're tied," I told Dimitri.

He shook his head. "We'll see."

Dr. Olendzki ordered everyone out, that I needed my rest. I rolled my eyes and protested, but everyone ganged up on me. When everyone left the room, I disconnected myself from all the stupid machines and found a stack of my clothes on the chair in the corner of the room. I slipped them on and tried to fabricate a plan to escape. I looked around and found only a couple of windows. Thankfully, the clinic is on the first floor of the building.

Using my old tactics, I chose the window with a tree close to it. Making sure to remain silent, I slowly opened the window. It squeaked only a little, but I winced every time it did. I only opened the window enough just to squeeze out of it. I slipped out and got a foothold on a tree branch. Before making another move, I made sure the voices outside my door were still talking; they were. I let out a sigh of relief and continued my small descent. I dropped from the branch as silently as I could.

I walked a few steps around the corner of the building. When I was out of sight of the entrance, I started walking towards my old dorm. "Hehe, suckers," I chuckled to myself.

"Some things never change." I jumped two feet into the air. My heart raced. Dimitri was leaning against the tree I'd just passed. Even with his height, he managed to look graceful.

"Jesus! Don't do that! You scared me half to death," I put my hand on my chest, trying to slow down my heart rate. "How'd you know I was out here?" I asked him, looking around to make sure the coast was clear. Classes were in session so students weren't outside.

He looked at me with those dark eyes. "Like I said, some things never change." He moved away from his spot against the tree. He had on his old leather coat that reminded me of cowboy dusters. He started walking in a different direction. He turned his head to look at me, so I assumed he wanted me to follow.

"You know, if you want me to follow you, you just have to say so," I mumbled as I ran to catch up with him.

It felt strange walking the familiar grounds again. I never thought I'd come back; in fact, I knew I wasn't coming back. The fresh layer of snow got the bottoms of my jeans wet, and I tried to focus on that. If I didn't, I'd probably end up leaping into his arms and start crying. I spent the last three months feeling absolutely nothing, with only Dimitri's demise in mind. Then, I wake up and everything comes back ten-fold. Dimitri is alive now, and my heart felt as if it would burst. Lissa didn't hate me, making me feel that much happier; my mother was there for me for the first time in my life.

I didn't realize where we were headed until I saw it. The cabin. I stopped.

Dimitri read my expression. "Don't worry, they were planning on letting you sleep peacefully for a few hours before going in to check on you. I knew you'd last about five minutes alone in there before you tried to escape." He smirked.

I folded my arms across my chest. "Am I seriously that predictable?" He opened the door and walked in.

"No, I just know you all too well." He shut the door behind me. I sat in the chair in the corner of the small room. Dimitri took the corresponding chair and pulled it over next to me.

"So what have you been up to while I was temporarily unconscious?" I asked as he sat down. I felt a very strong pull to do things I knew I shouldn't, but I refrained myself.

He kept a casual expression. "Trying to secure a job. I've decided to stay here for the next few months and then move to court." My heart dropped slightly. But then I remembered the words he said just before. "Lissa said she can wait." He smiled reassuringly at me.

I fidgeted with my fingers in my lap, trying to keep my hands occupied. "So they said I can just pick up where I left off?" He nodded. I managed a chuckle. "Well that's a relief. I'm just waiting for the famous Kirova irresponsibility speech. I imagine it will take place by tomorrow." I paused for a second, getting back on track and trying to organize my thoughts. "So you're staying here?"

"Until you finish. You still have much to learn." It might have only been me, but I heard double meaning. The awkward silence hung in the air for a while. He broke it first. "What else were you thinking when…?" He didn't have to say it.

I didn't meet his eyes. "I was thinking of how to accomplish my mission, trying to lay everything out in front of me; but you know me, that didn't quite work out. I just made up the plan as I went. I did have a plan until Lissa got there, and then I had to watch over her and follow you at the same time. I think I got a total of twenty hours of sleep during the duration of the expedition." Dimitri wasn't laughing.

I could tell the guilt was eating him up inside. Sympathy came along with it. "I can't imagine what that must have felt like for you. I am so sorry Roza," he looked like he was about to get down on both knees and beg for forgiveness.

"It's not your fault, so stop blaming yourself," I said with a little of the Rose bravado. Thinking better of it, I decided not to tell him the truth: I didn't feel anything. The entire time I felt completely numb.

"What are you thinking about? You have an odd look on your face." I glared at him and he chuckled.

"There's this one quote that kind of nagged at the back of my mind the entire time, but I never could actually make out the words until now." I admitted.

He had a sage look. "What was that?"

I tried to remember the exact words. "I think it's, '_Personal affection is a luxury you can have only after all your enemies are eliminated. Until then, everyone you love is a hostage, sapping your courage and corrupting your judgment.'_ It's from this one book I read called_ Empire _by Orson Scott Card. It kind of adjusted my view on things." Dimitri was smiling. "What?" I snapped.

"I'm not sure what I'm more surprised about; the fact that you actually read the book or the fact that you remembered what was in it." He started to chuckle. I threw a pillow that was on the chair back at him. He knocked it out of the way.

"But seriously," he said, sobering up. "What were you feeling?"

That question hit home. "You don't want to know." I said to him.

"That answer always leads you to trouble later on, Rose. Tell me." He took my hand that was fidgeting with my fingers and held on tight.

For the first time in a while, I looked him straight in the eye. "I felt absolutely nothing," I felt tears well up in my eyes and my voice get thick. "When you left, I went numb. That's why I didn't stay when Lissa begged me to; all I could think about was keeping my promise. If I felt anything at all, it was pure misery. The very thought of having to go back without you nearly killed me. Don't even ask me what it felt like having to know it was me that had to kill me," I shook my head and chuckled darkly. "It was like I refused to think about the fact. I succeeded until after the deed was done. That's why I didn't get up. I couldn't. I couldn't feel anything. Not my body, my feelings, just nothing. I didn't know I was killing myself, I just didn't want to _be_ anymore."

Dimitri abruptly stood in front of me. His hands squeezed mine hard, but not enough to hurt. His eyes were on fire. "Don't ever think that again. What happened to not wanting to die? Did that go out the window?" He was on the verge of shouting.

"That thought died along with you!" I shouted. "Everything died when you did! Everything that mattered in life just meant nothing! I couldn't find a reason to stay! And let me tell you, this is the first time I have ever cried about the accident. I couldn't even find a reason to cry! What would be the point of my tears? No one would see them! I was lying in the middle of a God damn ballroom in Russia with two dead strigoi! What would be the point of anything anymore? If you were in my position, would you be able to answer that question?" Many tears ran down my cheeks during my rant, but I did not sob. The sound effects were completely unnecessary.

I think I sat through ten seconds of silence before I jumped into his arms and started sobbing. "God, why did you leave me?" He squeezed me tightly and ran his hand over my hair. "I can't live without you. You should know that by now." In his arms, I felt as if the gaping hole in my chest was suddenly filled. The world suddenly felt right.

"I promise," He said thickly, "I will never ever leave you again. I don't think I can." He took a deep, shaky breath. "I love you."

I pulled back a little bit to look at him in the eyes. "I love you, too." His lips gently brushed mine, but the passion proved to be too much. His mouth was soon assaulting mine, and I had no problem with it. I held onto him like my life depended on him being here; and really, it did. Our heart and respiration rate picked up.

I didn't know we were heading for the bed until I fell backwards onto it. I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough, and neither could Dimitri. After being apart for so long, I don't think we could ever separate again. We seemed to be in an everglow of peace. Being together again made us feel whole. We needed to be connected in every way possible. He kept one arm firmly around my waist, and one hitched my thigh around to his back.

No words could ever describe what I felt when he was inside of me. When I tried to before, two words came to mind: utter completion. Nothing felt wrong or missing in the world. The experience was so life affirming. My heart, once so silent, started beating again, making its presence known. The black whole went away.

He rarely let my lips go. His hands seemed to be everywhere, and I loved every second of it. Electricity constantly flooded my body. Months of lifelessness left me so empty, but being with him made me feel like I was really here, not just a ghost of a body. My mind, body, and spirit made themselves known with every movement Dimitri made.

When our bodies were done, a feeling of bliss and peace washed over me. We held onto each other like we had no intentions of letting go. We whispered to each other, knowing that anything above a whisper would be too loud for the moment. I told him about Peter and his sister Catherine, about how Peter annoyed the hell out of me. He told me that, even as a soulless body, he felt a tug towards me, like I was significant not only to his mind, but to his body as well. I had to admit, that made me happy.

When he got up a while later, I knew why. People would soon discover I ditched and be out looking for me. I did not plan on having them find me naked in a bed with Dimitri. Can you say "awkward?"

Getting dressed after sex still seemed to be a problem between me and Dimitri. We both realized that getting dressed shouldn't be this hard, but we just laughed about it and kissed.

"Thank you," he told me when I was in his arms before leaving. I pulled back.

"For what?" I didn't know what I'd done.

"For coming after me. That's probably the bravest thing a person can do. I don't think I could ever thank you enough." He cupped my cheek with his hand and kissed me one last time before leaving our little getaway.

We made our way towards Kirova's office, where we knew everyone would be, frantically trying to figure out where I could possibly be. Being so close to each other but not being able to touch felt almost painful. We walked into Kirova's office and, low and behold, there stood Kirova, my mother, Dr. Olendzki, Lissa, and my old pal, Adrian.

"Hey guys," I said with a brief wave. They glared at me. "Nice to see you, too." I said sarcastically as I took a squat in a chair. "So what's the lecture about this time, Kirova?"

She dismissed my informalities and didn't dither. "Miss Hathaway, you seem to have a talent for escaping. First with Lissa, then with Dimitri, then you manage to escape the clinic." She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as if a killer headache all of a sudden set in. "I don't know what to do to get you to behave. Guardian Belikov, what do you suggest?" She looked to Dimitri.

Before he could even get a word in, I threatened, "I killed you once, and by God I'll do it again if you even _think_ about saying community service." I kept my finger pointed at him with a good warning glare on my face.

He kept a calm expression. "Okay, so would you rather stay in classes all day and remove extra training sessions so you can catch up, or would you rather spend an hour every Sunday helping at the chapel?" He folded his arms across his chest in a way that said, "If you can find another way out of this, then enlighten me." I sighed and lowered my pointing finger.

"Fine." I gave in with a scowl. With all these community service hours I have on my belt, I could get a fifteen thousand dollar scholarship to Northwestern.

Kirova sat back in her chair and relaxed a little, knowing that once again, the wild beast was on a chain. My mother was the one who spoke next, and I really wished she would've kept her mouth shut.

"Why did you leave Rose? I understand that you two were close, but I never imagined you going to such extremes? The only other case I've heard of that's similar to this is of Sonya and Mikhail. But they were…" she trailed off. My stomach fell to the floor next to my feet. My mother's head snapped up and looked from me to Dimitri several times.

_Oh, shit._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Give me another chapter to work up to a big problem! Mwahahaha. It's going to be fun to write the next chapter. This is more of a transition chapter.**

**Chapter 8**

* * *

I panicked. My mind worked twenty times faster than it usually does. I looked for something to distract Kirova. I looked out the window. "Oh my God! Is that student streaking?" She shot around like I planned. Dimitri's eyes didn't leave me, and mine didn't leave my mother's.

I mouthed: _Not here! Later!_

She responded: _What the hell is going on?_

Kirova looked befuddled. "I don't see anyone Rosemarie. All the students are in their classes. Are you feeling okay?" She turned around and looked concerned towards me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, my mistake. Anyways," I tore my gaze from my mother, hoping she'd do as I told her. "Is there any way I can pick up classes where I left off? Taking another semester seems a little extreme, since I only missed three months." I'm sure Dimitri could hear my nerves, but he kept quiet. I kept focused on the issue at hand.

Kirova dug through a stack of papers mumbling, "I swear, you cause me more trouble than any other student I've ever had," I smiled at the idea that I had taken up so much effort. She pulled out a couple and scanned over them. "I believe we can fit you into a few summer classes and you'll be finished within a few months, but you are still hopelessly behind." Like I've never heard _that _one before.

She turned to Dimitri, exasperated. "Guardian Belikov, I know that I've no right to ask this of you, so shortly after your return, but would you mind training Miss Hathaway again?" Oh, God.

My mom nearly opened her mouth to protest, but I hushed her with a, "that's a good idea," I glared at my mother. "Guardian Belikov, what do you think?" I said, turning to face him.

He looked at Kirova, avoiding my gaze. "Of course." Simple answers. Good technique.

We signed a few papers, registering me as a student again and finally walked out. But the storm was far from over. My mother hovered behind us like a shadow of doom. I felt her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. Not once did I dare make contact with Dimitri.

We returned to my old dorm room and discovered not much changed. I sat down on the bed and covered my face with my hands. "Oh just get it out of your system already, Mom."

She didn't hesitate. "What the hell is going on?" Not once, had I ever seen my mother lose control, but there's a first time for everything.

I've never been good at handling impulse control. "What does it look like?" I threw my hands in the air. "A student going after her teacher because she wants to learn something? I forgot why school was important by the time I was in kindergarten!"

"So what's that supposed to mean? That you did it out of love?" We were both yelling, and Dimitri seemed to be the only calm one. He didn't say anything.

"You seem to know everything! Why don't you tell me?"

"Yes." It came from Dimitri. We both shot our heads in his direction with the 'stay-the-hell-out-of-this' expression. He held up his hands as a peace symbol. "Rose came after me because she loved me enough not to let me suffer that kind of fate."

My mother forgot I was in the room. Her eyes burned through Dimitri. "So you're telling me she loves you?" She forced through her teeth.

I scoffed. "Duh, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Victor Dashkov figured it out before you did." I rolled my eyes. My mother glared.

"And you love her, I'm assuming," she sent an icy glare towards Dimitri.

"Yes. If not more." My heart fluttered. I didn't give him more than a smile.

She pinched the bridge of her nose as if a killer headache suddenly hit. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening," she repeated over and over to herself like a chant. She paced back and forth. "Why did you do this to her?" She asked. "She doesn't need this kind of complication in her life right now."

"Oh, and you just now get to decide what I need?" She didn't have control over my life!

"Shut up Rose," she snapped. I stood my ground.

"We tried to prevent it," Dimitri said softly to calm my mother, who was currently on the road to murder.

She glared at him and let go of her bridge. "How? You certainly couldn't avoid each other due to the fact that you train together all the time," she nearly shouted. "What about Tasha? Why did you deny her? You could've had a good life without this kind of complication."

He kept calm. "I couldn't accept her offer," he paused to look at me, "not when my heart is somewhere else." He said it with such honesty, not even my mother could deny that he loved me. My heart swelled.

"When did this start?" She asked. She looked between the two of us, waiting for an answer.

I thought. "Officially or unofficially?" I needed clarification. She looked pissed.

She thought I was being a smart ass. "When did you first discover this undeniable love for each other? When did you come to accept it?" She looked between the two of us. Well, more like glared.

Weight suddenly landed on my shoulders. Until now, I didn't realize how tired I really felt. I lay down on the bed and covered my eyes with an arm. "A little less than five months ago we realized that we loved each other…thanks to Prince Dashkov," my mother interrupted my thought process.

"So that rumor was true? At court, when Lissa was kidnapped several months back," I'm not sure how much more my poor mother could take.

Deciding better of it, I only gave part of the true story. "He put a spell on me and Dimitri…and…well, yes, to answer your question, it did happen." Before she could blow, I moved onto her original question. "We didn't really accept, or come to terms, with this until the ski trip. I'm sure you remember that very well." That was the ground breaking trip between my mother and me.

She calmed a little bit. "Yes."

I felt myself dozing off. Fatigue washed over me and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. Instead of being part of this on-going battle, I just listened to it. Thankfully, it calmed after a few minutes.

"So what exactly happened? I want the whole story. Even though Rose looks like she's sleeping, she can probably still hear me. She'll hate me if I judge based on so little information." Huh, I guess she knows me better than I thought.

Dimitri took a deep breath. "Well, our first encounter wasn't all too pleasant. She tried to attack me because she thought I was going to touch Lissa. She was angry with me for a while. I'm guessing I was the first person to notice her bond with Lissa, which very few people seemed to believe. They couldn't be separated, so I…partway volunteered to give Rose extra training sessions. It seemed to be the only way I could convince Mistress Kirova to let her stay." He chuckled for a second and then paused. I could feel eyes on me. "She is strong, that's the first the I noticed. She pushed through peer criticism, no matter how ruthless they were."

"What do you mean?" I heard my mother say.

"There were a lot of rumors about why they left," he explained briefly. My mother could tell the subject would go no further. "She complained a lot," did not! "Then one day she started talking about how leading a guardian lifestyle could destroy a woman's looks. I looked at her, and I just couldn't see it. I couldn't see her being any less beautiful than she already is." My mother didn't say a word.

A little uncomfortable, I rolled over, trying to block out any sounds. If Dimitri's voice didn't sound so damn alluring, then maybe I'd already be asleep, but nooo.

My body seemed to be sending signals to Dimitri. "She's asleep. Let's take this somewhere else." My mother agreed. A few chairs were moved and a door opened. Heavier footsteps moved towards me, and I knew it was Dimitri. I felt the comforter move and be placed on top of me, sending warmth throughout my body. He brushed hair out of my face. His hand sent chills down my spine, and I was thankful for the blanket covering my entire body. I wanted that hand to go elsewhere on my body, but I felt too tired to respond. His footsteps faded and the door closed.

I prayed to God that my mother wouldn't do anything stupid.

****

Hands. A pair of hands kept roaming over my entire body. It felt _good._ I felt lips on my neck, and hot breath against my skin. I opened my eyes and…

_Shit._

Damn Lissa and her active sex life! I could feel the skin against skin…and it was _not _the skin I wanted to feel. They were both moaning and groaning and…

Why am I still in her head debating? This is not something my eyes were meant to see!

_Get out. _I told myself.

There was a twitch between her legs.

_Holy shit! You do NOT want to witness this!_

Something stiff grazed her inner thigh, moving closer and closer…

_Son of a bi—_

I woke up with a start. My breathing came in quick, shallow breaths. That's one way I do not want to start my…yup, it was way early in the morning. Six o'clock to be exact. The sun was still up. Unfortunately, Lissa isn't in school anymore and I'm trying to get my sleep for school while she's fucking her boyfriend! My dreams are going to be haunted by her and Christian for the rest of my life.

Damn.

I needed fresh air. Realization hit me and I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I slipped out of yesterday's clothes and put on some sweats and running shoes. Knowing that there would be night watchers, I snuck quietly down the hall and around corners to get out. I saw a few maids walking through the halls, but they were oblivious to me.

When I opened the door, a brisk breeze woke me up right away. I looked around, and then jogged towards the usual path I usually ran. It felt good to take out my frustration. The wind brushed harshly against my exposed skin, but I didn't care. Lissa's little escapade made me irritated.

I'm not sure how long I ran for, but I was suddenly very aware someone was coming close behind me. I didn't realize just how close until an arm grabbed at me. Gasping, I shot around and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Dimitri.

He wore a slight smile on his face. "What on earth are you doing out here Rose?" He looked bemused. "And you couldn't possibly be testing the security out here. So that excuse isn't an option." His hand slid down my arm and took a hold of my hand. I looked into his dark eyes, and wanted to tell him everything, but I didn't.

I shrugged. "Just felt like I needed a run." I couldn't come up with anything good on the spot. Having Dimitri penetrate my eyes didn't help that much either.

"Roza," I took a deep breath. "You've been running for nearly three months. Don't you think it's time to stop?"

His words hit me harder than I expected. I didn't really consider it running, I thought of it more as chasing. Running means running towards something. When you chase something, you're running towards it. I wasn't done chasing.

I smiled. "Nope," I said, popping the "p". I reluctantly pulled my hand out of his and started to run again, and Dimitri easily kept up with me.

"So why are you really out here at this hour?" His curiosity always got the better of him.

Sighing, I said, "You don't really want to know." We jogged past a few trees. The sun was beginning to go down, and the sun looked beautiful.

"Try me," he said.

I decided to truncate the story. "My defenses are down when I sleep," I explained. "And, unfortunately, when Lissa…has good dreams, I have those dreams, too. But most of the time, I don't want to see those dreams." I nearly gagged remembering the most recent one.

We jogged a bit further. When we parted through a few trees, I saw our little cabin. I looked to Dimitri. He just nodded and we slowed to a walk in silence. He opened the door and let me in. Sitting down at the table, I watched him put a kettle on the stove and pull out a few hot chocolate packets.

"So to escape these…dreams," he said, unconvinced, "by getting up at a ridiculous hour to run when you should be sleeping and resting after waking up from a self-induced coma?" I heard the sarcasm, but ignored it.

"Pretty much sums it up." He turned around and leaned against the counter, looking at me with the most intense eyes.

"How do the dreams make you feel?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are you, my psychiatrist? They make me feel uncomfortable enough to want to be sleep deprived." The water went off on the stove, distracting his attention for a moment. He took out two cups and put two packets in each one, mixing it with the water. He sat down across from me and slid me a cup.

His eyes studied me for a moment. "What aren't you telling me?" He asked.

Shit. "What do you mean?" I asked as innocently as possible. I blew on my cup.

"What exactly is it about these dreams that make you feel uncomfortable?"

Sighing, I asked, "I'm not getting out of here until I tell you, am I?" The outcome didn't look so good right now.

He cocked his head to the side. "That's entirely possible."

My head hit the table…several times. "You really don't want to know. You might regret ever being brought back if you knew the true horrors of being shadow kissed," I told him miserably. "Those stupid dreams of hers make me feel…I don't know. Empty might be the right word. She's always so happy and she feels complete. Then I get mad at her because all of those feelings are a reality to her and I'm stuck feeling these emotions that I can't have…if that makes any sense at all." I gave up on the diatribe and started drinking my hot chocolate.

Dimitri reached across the table and took my hand. "Are you okay?"

I smiled whole-heartedly. "I am now." He rubbed circles on my hand with his thumb, and I found it oddly comforting. I changed to a less intense topic. "So what happened after I passed out on you and my mother?"

A smile crept across his face. "It wasn't too bad. She did call me a couple of names, though." He shook his head in disbelief and looked at me. "I thought you developed that mouth of yours on your own. Turns out it was inherited." He chuckled.

I laughed. "What? Did she go all father like and say, 'you break your heart, I break your neck,' or did she did she whine and complain more about how I don't need this complication in my life?" She could go either way.

"Surprisingly, after I finally got the story out, she seemed pretty accepting of the whole thing. But that was after she got her words in." His laugh enchanted me.

"'Accept' my ass! She was probably skinning you alive in her head." He laughed.

He got up from his seat and walked around the table to me. He took both of my hands in his and looked straight into my eyes. "I promised your mother that I would love and protect you for the rest of my being, and I meant it."

The intensity of his words made me feel loved, whole, and complete. The feelings that I was missing when Lissa's night life invaded my dreams. I leaned forward, merely centimeters from his lips. I whispered, "I'm really glad you mean that, because I feel the same way." He closed the distance between our lips

Every feeling that I missed out on earlier this morning, returned to me ten-fold. We forgot about the hot chocolate and found an alternative way to warm up.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: OMG I am so sorry for not updating sooner! Spring break and no internet access. I actually already have the next chapter done, so after a few reviews, i'll update again. Please keep the reviews coming! You've been absolutely amazing so far! **

**Chapter 9**

* * *

School is probably the most miserable thing in the world. Sitting in a class with Stan teaching is worse than getting my ass kicked by Dimitri in practice. Thank God Lissa was in my class, or else it'd be a hell of a lot worse.

Lissa passed me a note.

_Are you graduating with the rest of us?_ It was only a month away, but I could still catch up. Dimitri said good luck to me catching up in my regular classes. I told him he could shove his luck straight back up his ass. He laughed and I walked away. Of course, he came after me and told me he was sorry (after he enraptured me in a passionate kiss).

I wrote, _yeah. It just may take a lot of extra study hours. _The class period lasted way too long. The only thing keeping me from dashing to the gym was Lissa, who wanted to talk about Christian and her new home at Court.

"I don't know why Tatiana is so against having Christian at court!" I could feel her frustration. "No one but us seems to understand that he's not his parents! The only reason that she's letting him come is because I told her if he didn't come, I didn't." It bothered me that she could love Christian so much. Love radiated from her like the sun radiates heat.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Hey, at least he gets to go. Who gives a damn if the bitch doesn't approve? She can't force you to get involved with Adrian…EW." Adrian and Lissa together is like putting me and Christian together. Flat out gross.

She shrugged. She still felt a little irritated, making me feel really irritable. I got a little mean. "Lissa, what the hell?" I stepped in front of her, causing her to brake in front of me in surprise. "You've got Christian for however long you are happy together, you get to go to a bigger college than you expected, and you got invited by Queen Tatiana herself to live at court. Why can't you just accept the fact that you have everything you've ever wanted and get it over with?" I snapped at her. She looked like a deer in headlights. I let out an exasperated sigh and walked towards the gym, where I would hopefully find solace.

The spring weather had finally arrived. All the trees were in bloom and the grass started to turn green. I marched through the puddles from early spring rain and into the gym to change. I'm pretty sure Dimitri caught onto my mood when I didn't even glimpse at him from across the gym when I first walked in. When I walked out in my sweats, Dimitri was waiting for me with my gloves.

"Rose," I heard caution in his voice.

"Hey," I went to grab my gloves, but he pulled them away.

"What's wrong?" He pried.

I frowned. "Nothing." I reached for them again and he held them over his head. Officially irritated, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared. Dimitri glared right back. His looked much more impressive than mine. "What?" I demanded.

"Why are you angry?" He demanded back.

"I'm not angry! I'm fine." I acted like this was the most ridiculous conversation ever and he was just being over concerned. He didn't buy into it.

Dimitri took a firm, but not uncomfortable, hold on my arm and looked at me straight in the eye. "Stop, Rose." Something about his gaze told me that what I was doing was out of the norm. He was telling me that _this isn't me_. The words seemed to click in my head and I snapped back.

My eyes went wide. "Oh God, I'm so sorry Dimitri!" I apologized quickly. He sighed with relief. I continued saying, "I didn't mean to snap at you!" I was on the brink of tears. Dimitri pulled me into his arms. "Lissa was just so irritated earlier about the Tatiana approval issues which made me irritated because she doesn't really appreciate what she's got and—"

"Shh, Roza. It's okay." He kissed the top of my head. "Calm down, it's alright. I don't mind at all." I took a few deep breaths to collect myself.

Dimitri was my cure to everything. One look, one touch, will bring me back down to earth. A couple months ago, before he disappeared, he saved me from going completely mad when Lissa lost it with Jesse. He put up with my pointless and weak fight, and he loved me despite the fact I could turn into a monster within a split second. We loved each other, and we would do anything to help one another…no matter the consequences.

"Are you okay to practice, or should we break?" He looked concerned, but I could hear the double meaning woven into his words.

Shaking my head, I told him, "No no, I'm okay. I just needed a minute." He looked at me speculatively and handed me my gloves. I stepped back and took my stance. He wasn't ready. "If you go easy on my I swear to God you'll regret it." He smiled, seeming relieved that I was myself again. He took his stance.

Before we even took hits, he told me, "Raise your right fist a little bit. Always have your head protected." I did as ordered. His leg came flying at me with amazing speed. I was barely able to block his kick from coming in contact with my face with my right fist…which moments before wouldn't have protected me; lesson learned.

We continued fighting back and forth for an hour…unless you don't count the fifteen minute water (*cough*) break. After we finished for the day, he walked me to the cafeteria.

"How come I totally kicked your ass when you were a strigoi, but now I can hardly make contact with you now? It doesn't seem right because when you're a strigoi, you are stronger and faster." I looked up at him and he had the expression on his face that told me he was churning over thoughts in his head.

He took my hand in his, but didn't break stride. "Roza," I immediately tuned in. He only used my Russian name when he felt affectionate for me in the particular moment. "You will probably never fully understand the extent of my love for you," I think I could guess. "That love, more or less, stayed with me during that time." Oh.

How could someone love someone so much that even though they'd lost their soul, the love for that person managed to stay embedded into that body? I don't know, but Dimitri seemed to pull it off. Even when he knew I was about to kill him, he welcomed it, because he knew that it was killing me to see him like that.

"No matter what kind of monster I become, there will always be a part of me that will never be able to bring that kind of harm to you." In the shade of the trees, without warning, I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him for all he's worth. Even though our relationship couldn't come out until graduation, his moment couldn't wait. He kissed me back. His grip on my waist was so tight, I wasn't sure if I could ever leave.

The way we fit together was like two puzzle pieces. Our names came together like cookies and cream, or macaroni and cheese (you can't have cookies without the cream and you can't have macaroni without the cheese). We couldn't go against the pull that molted us together. This made me even more impressed with what Dimitri did.

He pulled away, a little breathlessly, but held me close. "That was mean." He said.

I smiled. "You know you wouldn't have had it any other way. You like that I don't have impulse control." He frowned.

"Only some of the time," he warned.

"So do you think some of the strength you had as a strigoi stayed with you?" At this he frowned.

"I don't know. I feel normal, but I guess I've lost my sense of what is normal. I haven't really done any deep thinking on it. Since I didn't crave blood, they told me I was a dhampir again." I could tell that the thought troubled him. He can't really tell what he is, and that can't be a good feeling.

He reluctantly put me down. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." He started to walk away.

"Wait," I called after him. He turned around. I got close enough for him to hear me. "Is there any way that we can be together?" I said in a low voice. "I'm eighteen; shouldn't that give me certain rights?" I tried to think of any excuse that would allow Dimitri and I to be together.

He put a gentle hand on my shoulder and shook his head sadly. "Not as long as you are attending the academy. Once you graduate, you can do what you want, but until then," he shook his head again. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he didn't like the fact any more than I did.

When he started walking back towards the administration building, I started walking towards the cafeteria. Christian waited outside the doors, staring at the spot where Dimitri and I were just standing. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "What was that?"

"What are you talking about?" Playing stupid is the best way to escape these types of situations.

He followed me in. "I just saw you and Guardian Belikov. You two seemed to be getting…cozy." His nosiness really got on my nerves. I used a complete opposite technique.

"Ind-may your own uissness-bay." I told him. He just stood there dumbfounded.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He thought I made up my own language.

I rolled my eyes at him. "It's pig Latin you moron. Figure it out." I walked into the food line and grabbed my dinner. I found my normal spot at our table and sat across from Lissa, who still felt a little upset about me snapping at her earlier. Her thoughts loomed over my angry and irritated facial expression. She thought about how erratic my emotions can be.

I came out straight with her. "Lissa, I'm really sorry for snapping at you earlier. I really didn't mean it. I've just been on edge since…well, yeah." I didn't need to elaborate. She smiled, but still felt a little hurt. "So where's Adrian? I haven't seen him around." I looked around the other tables.

"Speak of the Devil and the Devil shall appear," Eddie muttered. Sure enough, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and Adrian was looming over me.

"Hey little Dhampir," he greeted me with a smile before sitting down next to me. He whispered in my ear, "Still interested?" I turned and glared at him.

"He came back, and I gave you back what I didn't use, which happened to be a lot more than you expected." I gave him a warning glance. He held up his hands in surrender jokingly, though his eyes showed some disappointment.

Thanks to Adrian, I started to think about Dimitri again. I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in his warm embrace and stay there for the rest of eternity. I looked at Lissa, who sat curled up into Christian. I took a little peak into her mind and discovered she felt very content. She thought about how perfect her future was going to be: me and Dimitri as guardians, Christian, going to school, living at court.

Lucky Lissa. She gets everything.

_Rose_. Lissa's voice interrupted my thoughts. I just looked at her. _How'd it go with your mom?_ I shrugged. It went better than expected, that's for sure. _Will I be able to see you later? Or are you on probation of sorts?_ Knowing Kirova, she probably has maximum security watching me. I held up my wrist and pretended there were shackles on my wrist. Lissa rolled her eyes at my over dramatic representation of the situation.

"We," Lissa said standing up from the table with Christian, "are going to have a long talk later." The way Christian looked at her; I knew this would be a long night for me. I just smiled up at her. When she left, I started to rub my temples in preparation for the inevitable headache that is to come.

Eddie and Adrian looked at me with expecting looks on their faces. I finished my dinner and got up. "For God's sake, take a picture, it'll last longer." The stares were becoming obnoxious. I miserably made my way back to the dorm. I tried to figure out ways to keep Lissa out of my head: books, music, thinking dirty thoughts about Dimitri, maybe going for a run later.

I got to my room and looked around, looking for something to do. Nothing. I decided that a nice long shower should help. Sadly, not even the nice warm shower could take away the sickening feeling of loneliness I felt.

I wonder if this is how Kirova feels 24/7, 'cause she's too big a bitch for anyone to like.

Fleeting thought.

While dressing into my pajamas, I repeated, _one month one month one month_, like a mantra. Bored, I started to do crunches. I figured, since it takes forever to count to a billion and keeping busy makes time go quicker, I decided to count to a billion _and _do crunches. Around a thousand five hundred, my muscles started to hurt. Continuing my counting, I counted the seconds I could hold my wall sit. My legs started to shake and I knew I was pushing it. I moved onto push-ups and counted up to five thousand.

I took a brief glance at the clock. It was only nine o' clock in the morning. On a push-up down, I never made it back up. My eyes closed despite my efforts to keep them open. I fell asleep the instant my cheek touched the carpet.

Heat. I felt so warm. The warmth was probably coming from the person hovering on top of me. My heart pounded in my chest like a drum roll.

Not my heart. _Lissa's._

Shit. Once again, I am pulled in by Lissa into one of her night rendezvous with Christian. Just kill me now. I never thought I'd say this, but Lissa is becoming a whore. Is this going to happen every God damned night? Why must I suffer?

"_I love you." _The words felt as if they left my mouth.

_Everything rests on this moment. Please say it back, please say it back. _No!

"_I love you, too," his husky voice responded. _Happiness swelled in Lissa. They started kissing furiously, almost in a panic, or as if they were starving half to death.

_You don't love Christian! _I screamed at myself. I could feel his hand go in places that I didn't want him to touch, but Lissa loved it. _You don't love Christian, you love Dimitri! _

His name was the splash of cold water I needed to wake up. If we loved each other, then why wasn't he here with me? A wave of melancholy overcame me. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling nothing but emptiness. Why was I always so alone? Lissa always has Christian, when I hardly ever get Dimitri.

Without warning, tears started falling down my cheeks. Why was I feeling this? I felt like I was about to explode. The loneliness was eating me up inside. Frantically, I started looking for anything that would help relieve me. I started ravaging through my drawers, tears streaming down my face the entire time. My breathing became heavier until it became frantic. I couldn't control myself. My hand brushed across the top of my desk, knocking over several books and papers…and catching a pair of scissors.

My body controlled itself, not me. With no hesitation, I opened the scissors and sliced the palm of my hand. I gasped at the pain. When I looked at the three inch gash with blood pouring out, my tears stopped flowing, and I snapped back down to earth.

"Oh, shit!" I said under my breath. Quickly, I bounced around the room looking for that would stop the blood flow that was leaking uncontrollably onto the floor. Thank god I own band-aids. I picked out the biggest one (it's one of those awesome variety packs) and smacked it over my palm. The blood started coming out through the bandage after about ten seconds. I began to feel a little dizzy from the loss of blood, which happened to be all over my floor. There was gauze at the bottom of my desk drawer that I wrapped around my hand, hoping it would at least stop the blood from staining the floor.

I let the dizziness take over me and leaned against the side of me desk, too zonked out to stand up or do anything. My eyes closed involuntarily. Even with my eyelids closed, the world spun. I felt myself tip, and before I completely passed out, I felt my head hit the blood-stained carpet and sink into a peaceful sleep I never thought would come.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Two more chapters posted! yay! Keep reviewing! I love you all!**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

I heard a knocking noise. Groaning, I opened my eyes and looked up, my face feeling a little soggy. My body slowly gave me control. When I looked at the clock, I freaked.

I freaked out even more when Dimitri's voice was calling me from the other side of the door. "Rose? Are you in there? Rose, answer me." His concern for me made his voice shake. Thankfully, I found my voice in time before he busted the door down.

"I'm coming," I cried out weakly. The ground moved in circles beneath me. Realizing my hand was smothered in blood, I quickly put on an oversized sweatshirt to obscure my hands. Stumbling drunkenly to the door, I tried to clear my head and swung the door open. Dimitri looked worried, but his expression immediately switched to shock. "I'm so sorry, Dimitri," I said honestly. "I did not sleep well and—"

His hand gently touched my cheek, his expression distraught. "Roza, why is there blood on the side of your face?" His eyes penetrated mine with worry and concern. He almost looked…scared.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just an accident I forgot to clean up." My hand tingled with a numb pain. I squeezed my hand just a little and felt the blood swish around within my makeshift bandage. I winced at the feeling. Knowing I had bled that much squicked me out. Dimitri gently pushed me aside and opened the door to let himself in. Sad to say, not even the dark carpet could disguise the pools of blood all over the floor.

He stood in front of the biggest pool, located in front of my desk. I racked my brain for excuses or for some practical explanation for why the carpet was replete with my blood. _"Oh, I accidentally lost control over myself earlier and took a pair of scissors so I could cut myself,"_ didn't sound like a good explanation to me.

He abruptly turned to examine me. "Where are you hurt?" Taking a handkerchief from his pocket and started to wipe the blood off my cheek to check for cuts. I waved my hand for him to stop. He didn't. "What were you doing?" I could feel my cheek getting irritated from the rubbing.

I thought about telling him the truth, but the tension was just too high to pass up a good joke. I snickered and Dimitri looked at me curiously. "I got bored, so I did a reenactment of world war one." He glared at me. He reached for my hand but I pulled away…a little too quickly. I stumbled backwards a little bit. Apparently, the blood wouldn't clot and continued to flow relentlessly. Dimitri caught the wrong hand.

He caught a glimpse of the carelessly wrapped gauze. Keeping his eyes on my hand, he told me, "Sit down." I sat down on the bed. He carefully unwrapped the gauze. When he got down to the bandage, a little more blood leaked out from under. It became very hard to stay conscious. He removed the bandage and sighed. "Roza," he breathed and looked at me. "Did you cut yourself?" You could tell he meant, "on purpose."

I smiled lazily. "In world war one, they used swords," I shrugged. Dimitri took a firm hold of my shoulders.

"Rose," he said in a firm tone. "Tell me what happened." He looked down. His hands were covered in blood now. He gaped at the gash. "How long has it been bleeding like this?" My eyes started drooping, and his words sounded garbled to me. He put his hands on my cheeks. "Rose," I rested my head in his hand, too tired to keep it up.

"I don't really," deep breath, "remember." Wow, I must've lost a lot of blood. Every thought became so fuzzy. Dimitri muttered something in Russian. "Just hold me." Missing him was about as much as I could remember. He did as I asked. I rested my head against his shoulder and let my eyes closed. His arms lifted me from the bed and I felt him start walking. "What are you doing?" One word slurred into the next.

"I'm taking to the infirmary; you are going to need stitches. Don't go to sleep just yet." He sounded so upset. I felt heavier with guilt.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, my voice sounded tight. His steps echoed on the staircase. My body juggled a little until we reached the main floor.

"Don't say that. Just stay awake for me, okay? Don't close your eyes just yet." His frantic and panicked tone didn't help me keep my eyes open. All the blood loss came crashing down on me and I let my eyes close, letting myself sink into a peaceful oblivion.

…

My head felt so heavy, and my hand felt warm and wrapped up in something. A hand, I figured, most likely Dimitri's. The warmth gave me energy to wake up. I found myself looking into Lissa's green eyes. She smiled a little bit, and I knew she'd healed my hand.

"I thought self-mutilation was my thing," she joked, but sadness seeped into her voice. I shook my head furiously, making me a little dizzy.

"This is _totally_ not what it looks like, Liss. No matter what Dimitri said, it's not what it looks like. I just had a little accident with my scissors." Her sad smile told me she didn't buy the story. To be honest to myself, I didn't sound too convincing. But I could, under no circumstances, tell her what really happened. Maybe—not too likely—but maybe, I could tell Dimitri. He could probably fix it, but I'm not fully one-hundred percent sure on that one.

Speak of the devil; he walked into the room before Lissa could deny anything I said. He was still wearing the sweats that he normally wore to our practice sessions and a t-shirt with his comfortable tennis shoes. His hair looked a little messy, and his eyes were full of worry and concern. I smiled, and he gave a small one in return. "Hey," I said.

"Rose," oh. I totally forgot to tell him Lissa knew…oh well. That can wait for another time. He turned to Lissa for a second. "Could you excuse us for a moment, Lissa?" He asked her. "I need to speak to her for a moment, alone." She nodded.

"I'll talk with you later," she said. Then, in my head, she told me, _you are such a terrible liar. If anyone is going to get the truth out of you, it's Dimitri._ Sadly, she couldn't have been more right. She walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Dimitri. Wasn't that what I was literally dying for earlier? He sat where Lissa had moments ago and looked at my hand. There was no evidence of the gash that made me loose so much blood and caused me to black out.

"Would you like to explain why the maid is cleaning up a pool of blood in your room?" I stayed silent, trying to figure out how to phrase my thoughts without freaking him out. He took my silence as a no. "Roza," he said softly, making me look at him. His eyes were so soft, "Why did you do this? I was terrified for you when I saw all that blood. You have no idea. Tell me what happened." His voice shook, and as Lissa predicted, I spilled.

"I lost control again," I admitted shamefully. "Lissa's dream woke me up, well, I take that back. I tried to keep awake so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but I fell asleep. Lissa's dream made me wake up, and—oh, God, Dimitri, I had never felt so empty and alone in my life—I just freaked. I felt like I was going to explode, and I couldn't figure out what to do." My tone sounded so helpless. "Before I even knew what I was doing, I picked up the pair of scissors and," I winced, so did Dimitri. "But after I looked at what I'd done, I snapped out of it."

He stared into my eyes for a couple of moments, trying to figure me out. "Are you sure they are dreams that she's having?" I kept my face blank, but really, I was shocked. There is no way in hell he could've seen through that lie. If Dimitri could see through that lie, then I'm screwed.

"What else could it be? It couldn't really be going on because of our tight dorm security. It's physically impossible for Ch—her dreams to be real." I hoped I'd covered up my slip well, but I sincerely doubted it.

Dimitri looked at me skeptically, but mercifully let it go. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Do you think there is anything that could help?"

I smiled mischievously and got up, glad to find I was still in my clothes—well, pajamas; blood stained sweatshirt and all. Dimitri stood up, too. "I could think of many things that could help," I told him. He looked at me determined. That expression would change quickly. I lowered my voice so no one else could hear, "none of which are allowed at this academy due to a fine line drawn between student and teacher." I heard Dr. Olendzki on the other side of the wall. When she walked into the room, she didn't notice anything.

"Good, you're up." She looked from her papers then to me again. She removed her glasses. "How is it possible that three days that you wake up from a coma—in my care, nonetheless—that you end up in here again? Just so you know, you don't have to hurt yourself to come and visit me." She walked over to me and grabbed my hand. Just as quickly, she let go. "Apparently, Lissa has been here," she mumbled.

I smiled at her. "Yeah, she kind of did that before I woke up about fifteen minutes ago. Sorry, she beat you to the punch."

She frowned. "I'm actually glad she healed you. That cut you gave yourself was bad. We were preparing stitches for you, and you've lost a lot of blood. Speaking of which, why are you out of bed?" She pointed to the empty bed. "You're still dehydrated. You need sugar to get your strength back." I immediately started making routes for escape.

"I'm fine," I told her. "I'm healthy as a horse. I just had a little mishap, never to happen again, I assure you. Besides, I can't miss anymore classes. That guy over there made sure of it," I pointed over to where Dimitri stood. He glared, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. "So if you don't mind, I'm going to ditch the pajamas and go get changed." I started walking out the door. Then to Dimitri, "Sorry about practice."

My bare feet smacked against the ground as I ran back to my dorm. Thankfully, the maid had already cleaned up the mess, though my crude weapon still rested on top of my desk. I didn't dare touch it. I had just slipped on my clothes when there was a knock at the door. "Come in," I called. In stepped Dimitri. He closed the door behind him. I collected all my books, making a huge effort to ignore him so I didn't start anything.

"Rose," his voice careful.

"Hm?" I started to tie my shoes. When I stood up, Dimitri stared at me intently. I got a little defensive when I saw the look on his face that read, "Don't hate me, but I have an idea." "Uh, oh. I really don't like that look on your face," I tried sneaking over to the door.

He stepped in front of me. "Rose, do you need to start seeing a therapist again?" He looked dead serious.

My anger started to pent up. "Therapy doesn't do shit for me. If you make me go to therapy I'll really go nuts. Just to give you some perspective; remember the night of the dance I totally snapped on Mia?" He nodded carefully. "Well, that was when I was sane and angry. Now remember when I went all psycho a couple months ago?" His expression darkened. "Imagine that with no restraint. Oh what glorious chaos! So, no, Comrade. I absolutely refuse to see a shrink." I crossed my arms in defiance.

He looked slightly annoyed. "I thought we'd already established that the name was banned?"

I shook my head furiously. "No. No therapy, I'm completely fine…besides the 'Lissa is driving me crazy' part." Even I realized how bad that sounded. "Okay, yeah, that sounds weird, but I'm fine. It's just one of those things I need to learn to fall into routine with. It's not something I can really avoid, so I might as well get used to it." He just stared at me. I stared back.

My blank expression finally got to him. "Rose, you need to tell me if there is something I can do to help this. Your lying about something, I just can't pin it down yet." A slightly frustrated expression crossed his face.

Yes, because telling Lissa I know about every moment she is bonking Christian stupid is the very pinnacle of brilliant thinking. She would hate me, no discussion needed. She probably would take it more directionally anyway. Me telling her what to do wouldn't be to wise either. She is a very individualistic person. Besides, she hasn't entirely forgiven me for leaving her to chase after Dimitri.

Instead of getting into a huge argument, I pushed passed him and opened the door. "I'm going to be late for class. I'll see you later."

I felt bad for doing that to Dimitri, but really, there was nothing more I could really say to him. When I was in class with Lissa, her mind was busy looking for reasons why I would mutilate myself like that. She hesitated to ask, fearing she would awaken whatever had sparked the urge in the first place. Part of me was thankful for Lissa, because she didn't push. Dimitri pushed because he thought it was healthy for me, but I didn't like it. Lissa accepted that I didn't like people doing that to me.

At lunch, Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and Adrian all sat down with me. They were busy chatting away about what would happen after graduation while I picked at my food, not really feeling my normal appetite. I felt content in my oblivious world, but Eddie pulled me into the conversation.

"So are you going to be Lissa's guardian, for sure?" Eddie asked. What a stupid question.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Duh. Who else would I be guarding, this bozo over here?" I pointed to Adrian. He looked up from deep thought and gave me his best crooked smile. I took it as a warning.

"That can be arranged." I glared menacingly at him.

Lissa interrupted before I could get ugly. "Adrian, don't piss her off. You're not going to get a date, you are going to get a black eye…and she won't feel bad about it." Lissa tried to sound serious, but a smile creeped onto her lips.

"I'd listen to Lissa, Adrian. She's wise beyond her years. In fact, I think she can change the world with her wisdom." Lissa rolled her eyes at me. Dramatically, I threw my hands up into the air. "With amazing charisma and outstanding spiritual abilities, she will be able to take the world by storm!" giggles erupted around the table. "Then her little bitch, Christian, can stand on the sidelines and watch while his girlfriend brings about revolution." I snickered, so did Eddie and Adrian. Christian looked like he had a pretty witty comeback, but Lissa beat him to the punch.

"Yes," she looked a little smug. "Then while you are busy kicking strigoi ass, Adrian, _your _little bitch, will be watching you help me bring revolution to the world." The thought still made her giggle.

"Adrian is not my little bitch!" I protested. "That's why I've got Eddie," Eddie nearly spit out his milk. "I'm kidding Eddie." I laughed. He took a sigh of relief. Lissa and I both cracked up. Christian wrapped an arm around Lissa.

Into her ear, he said, "I don't mind being your little bitch." Lissa blushed a delicate pink and hit him playfully. I gagged.

"Christian, save the little innuendos for your nightly rendezvous." Oops. Slip of the mouth. Word vomit, whatever you want to call it. Lissa and Christian both froze. "I'm just pulling your leg," after a moment of awkward silence. "We all know that you would no such dirty things. Lissa is too innocent anyway." I smiled smugly to myself. Lissa…innocent…ha.

Christian relaxed, but Lissa still stayed a little stiff. The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch hour. We all stood up to go to our next classes. I said goodbye to everyone, but I felt a cool hand grip my arm. Lissa pulled me aside.

"What in hell…?!" She was certainly in a rush. She still looked a little shaken.

"How did you know about that?" She asked brusquely and quickly. "How did you know about me and Christian? Please don't tell me you get into my head _then _too!" She looked really embarrassed. In her mind, her discomfort increased. She felt embarrassed and a little ashamed at the same time. She worried that I experienced everything she did on those nights, and she wanted those feelings to herself. Only Christian could—

I jumped out of her head. "I didn't know. Like I said, I was just kidding." I smirked. "So you two do sneak out together," she blushed more. "You dirty girl." She smiled a little. Then she looked a little more serious.

"What about you and…?" I had yet to tell her much about Dimitri and I's relationship, but she still knew about it. "Have you guys talked much?" She still felt really guilty for keeping us apart with the whole guarding Lissa thing.

I shook my head. "We're fine. We've just decided it's better to wait until graduation. After that, he wants to get reassigned to someone in court, so we'll be around each other more often; the schedules will be a little more flexible in a safe environment like that." I shrugged off the problem. She still felt concerned.

"Are you sure it's still going to work?" Her skepticism really was beginning to bug me.

"Of course it's going to work. Why wouldn't it?" She shrugged.

"I don't know. See you later Rose." She waved me 'bye' and walked away.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Stan's class was as boring as ever, though he did treat me with a little more respect, given that I went across the world to save one of his comrades and killed a lot of strigoi. Finally, my school day ended and I got to go to training with Dimitri. As usual, he was waiting for me in the gym, with a western book in hand. My lunch started to kick in and my energy levels went up.

"Alright, so what are we doing today?" I shifted my weight constantly from leg to leg. He looked up at me from his book. His dark eyes studied me for a moment.

"Running," he said simply. "Now stretch." I groaned.

"Seriously? I thought I was done with running!" I plopped down on the floor with no grace whatsoever. "Why are we running when we have already established that I can run?" I wanted to fight.

He snickered. "I think it's more for my sake than for yours. If we have time, we'll practice combat. Think of the running more as a warm up," he added helpfully.

I scoffed. "Sure. I think that this is just your subtle way of torturing me." I reluctantly sat down on the floor and began stretching. "What'd I ever do to you? Geez, is it piss on Rose day? Because it certainly feels like it. First you this morning, then Lissa this afternoon, and now you again! You aren't exactly on my good side right now."

He frowned. "Have you no sense of self preservation?" He gruffed. "I had no choice. You needed help. The cut was so deep that it didn't even clot." He still seemed really upset about it.

"Did you ever think of just taking me to Lissa? Hmm? We could've saved her the trouble of hearing about it second hand, which she felt a little mad about, and she could've just healed me right away instead of losing more blood. There's always a choice. Whatever, let's just go run." I stood up.

He didn't say anything, but he got up and we walked to the track. We ran in silence, never really finding any words that needed to be said. Maybe we were just enjoying the silence, but I never once caught him looking at me…then again, I didn't look at him either. We were both too deep in thought to really do anything besides run.

I was tough. I put on a brave face every day and faced the world. Fear does not occur to me unless something terrible happens to Dimitri or Lissa. The fear factor in my brain doesn't work unless a hundred pound trigger manages to hit the button. Why do people worry about me? I'm tougher than all the rest of the Dhampirs here put together. I dropped out of the academy the day of my eighteenth birthday to go to Russia, and kill the only guy I would ever love because he had been turned into a Strigoi. Fear never once occurred to me during that entire time. Why would people freak out if I tell them I had an accident with the scissors?

"Rose!" Dimitri called me. I snapped out of my mind. He looked a little concerned. "You can stop running now." I stopped. My breath came heavy and fast. Sweat beaded my forehead and the back of my neck, and when the wind blew, chills covered my skin. "Rose," Dimitri stood next to me. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." He smirked. "Don't you dare say a word about it." He held up his hands as a sign or truce.

"Alright. So what were you thinking about that held up most of your attention." He made it sound like a joke, but I could tell he really wanted to know.

I turned to him with a completely serious expression. I think it almost shocked him. "Why do people fear for the strong? Why is it that everyone freaks out when something happens to the strong? It doesn't make any sense as to why it doesn't worry the strongest, but everyone else is so scared. The fearless are always feared for. It's so stupid." This puzzle continued to boggle my mind.

He gestured for me to sit down in the grass with him. The spring grass was a little dewy, but not uncomfortable. The moon got a little lower with every passing minute. "Bravery can be taken to the point of insanity, Rose. That's why the weaker fear for the fearless. They count on them, and when something happens, they feel that they will have no limit. They fear that the fearless won't be able to stop, because they don't realize how truly frightening and dangerous what they're doing is. And those who count on them to be there, fear that they are going to lose them. It may not seem to make any sense to you, because you are the fearless, but try taking it from one of the fearful. How do you think they would feel if they lost one they held close because of valor?"

I suddenly realized that Dimitri was one of the fearful at the moment. He feared for me because he held me close. He feared for me because he loved me enough to never let go. That still doesn't cover the fact that I can take care of myself.

"I would probably try to stop them," I admitted. If Dimitri or Lissa ever took bravery to the point of idiocy, I would probably smack them in the face to bring them back to their senses. "It's just really frustrating when people start to hover. It makes me feel claustrophobic." Ugh.

Dimitri ran his hand through his hair in a frustrated fashion; squinting his eyes closed, furrowing his eyebrows. "Rose," he sighed. "Other than your mishap on the plane several months ago, this morning was the most scared I've ever felt. Sometimes close monitoring is what people need to get better." I never made eye contact with him because I knew that my eyes would be angry. I wanted to shout, _maybe people need space to get better_, but I didn't feel like arguing with him. "We're done for the day. You can go." I got up and walked away with no look back or a word spoken.

I didn't talk at dinner. Lissa watched me like a hawk, pestering me about why I didn't contribute to the conversation. Up to my limit, I skipped dinner and went back to my room. First Dimitri, now Lissa. I loathed it when people worried about me. Enough is enough. I won't give any reason to worry about me anymore. I won't accidentally slip into Lissa's mind anymore, I won't have any bursts of anger or irrational actions, and I most certainly will not bring bodily harm to myself. No one will ever have any reason to worry about me anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Every day I faced Dimitri's worried face. It bugged me (so much for that stupid vow for 'no reason to worry...I should've known Dimitri didn't need a reason). He couldn't look at me normally: a true smile on his face, loving eyes. Every day at practice he went through a list of questions that went along the lines of, "Are you feeling okay? Did you get enough sleep? Any more dreams I should be concerned about?" Actually, he shouldn't be concerned at all.

I stayed up as late as possible to avoid Lissa's nightly interludes. I found out that this was the most effective way of avoiding self-mutilation. Normally, I went to bed two hours before my alarm was set to go off. A week of this, and it was finally beginning to take a toll on me.

"Keep your fists higher, don't let them sag or else you're going to get hit in the face." I yawned involuntarily and lifted my fists up. It wasn't only my fists that were a problem, my entire body felt so heavy that it all wanted to sag to the floor and sleep. "Ready?" I gave a nod and blinked to get more awake.

Every single hit that came my way I barely dodged, and every hit I tried to make came a little too slow and sloppy. This felt so routine that I began to zone out. I could feel my eyes glaze over and my eyelids grow heavy. Big mistake.

Dimitri's leg came flying at me and I instinctively ducked by leaning to the left. I tipped over like a tower of bricks. I fell to the floor with a loud _thud! _My eyelids finally closed and I smiled. Sleep. I miss sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep—

"Rose! Rose, are you hurt?" Dimitri shouted in my ear. I cringed. Why won't he let me sleep?

"Stop yelling," I mumbled into the floor. He stopped yelling.

"Rose, are you alright?" He sounded a bit exhausted himself. I didn't feel like responding, so I just nodded my head. "I don't believe you," he said flatly. I shrugged. I could care less at the moment. I could see him glaring at me even with my eyes closed. I imagined that we looked pretty ridiculous at the moment: Dimitri sitting next to me glaring while trying to talk to me…who was lying on the gym floor trying to sleep. "Did I even kick you? Because I'm pretty certain that I didn't." I shook my head no. "Then why are you lying on the floor?"

I huffed. "I'm tired. Now go away." I shooed him away with my and dropped it back to the floor. My breathing steadied and I felt myself drifting. Whose idea was it to have morning work outs? Whoever it was, he must've been a pretty big idiot.

I'm pretty sure Dimitri was still talking to me, but I couldn't hear him anymore. I let myself fall into a black, dreamless sleep I'd been waiting over two weeks for.

Someone was shaking me. Resisting the pull to come out of sleep, I closed my eyes tight. Then a soft accented voice said, "Roza, you have to wake up. Your classes start in a fifteen minutes." No! No wonder I still didn't want to wake up. I only slept for an hour.

"No," I moaned. "Let me sleep." Boring classes would only make me want to sleep even more. If that's not torture then I don't know what is.

"I wish I could, but you need to get to class." He pulled me up to a sitting position and I slumped forward. Unfortunately, he was determined to get me to class on time. He pulled me all the way up until I was standing. I stretched and started to wake up a little bit. "Go get changed, and we'll talk later." I opened my eyes and saw we were in one of the private practice rooms.

He let me sleep. I immediately felt guilty. "Sorry, Dimitri," I apologized, a little embarrassed. "You didn't have to let me sleep." He smiled a bit, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You didn't exactly give me a choice. You were out cold," the smile faded. He looked troubled. His thumb traced the bags under my eyes. "You look so tired." He whispered. "How did you avoid sleep for so long?"

Thinking about it, I laughed. "It wasn't easy. You try finding new ways to keep yourself entertained during the night hours. Just in case you're wondering, I totally suggest playing Klondike. It boggled my mind for hours until I got it." I laughed. I sat on the floor for five hours with those damn cards trying to figure out how to play. Dimitri didn't smile. Instead of staying with him and arguing over why I don't sleep, I walked out to go get changed.

Thanks to Dimitri, I didn't have to worry about falling asleep in my guardian combat training class. Sad to say, my adrenaline high didn't last through the rest of my day. In Stan's class, Lissa kept bugging me with her thoughts.

_You need to sleep more. You're getting huge bags under your eyes, _she scolded me_. _Sleep didn't sound so bad at the moment. I cupped my chin in my hand and let my eyelids droop. Lissa just kept on talking about how wonderful it was that Queen Tatiana was letting Christian come to court with her and how they were going to take the same college courses. I was bored to death. Accidentally, I conked out.

_Rose! _Lissa's thoughts were so loud sometimes! My head shot up off the desk. I rubbed my eyes.

"What?" I asked. I stopped rubbing and saw a furious Stan and a worried Lissa staring back at me. "Uh, oh." Shit!

"Miss Hathaway, could you tell me what we talked about it class today?" He was pissed. He crossed his arms over his chest firmly and kept his fire like gaze on me. I stared at the desk.

"Uh," I scratched my head for an answer. "I'm pretty sure you might have talked to the class about falling asleep in class and how it leads to consequences." I stared grudgingly at the paper on my desk. "This is why I find myself staring at a detention slip."

The look on his face told me to stop being a wise-ass, but that's just who I am. "I'm taking that as a no."

"It's not my fault nightmares of taking your class corrupt my sleeping hours." I couldn't help myself. He was furious. I grinned inwardly to myself.

_Rose, now isn't exactly appropriate timing for your wise cracks! Graves only have to be six feet deep._ Oh ho, now who's being funny?

"You can serve your detention on Sunday cleaning the desks so that people won't get diseased from touching the saliva that inevitably escapes your mouth when you sleep." He walked out of the room. I would've put in a last word, but Lissa's hand covered my mouth.

"Just shut up, please?" Her green eyes looked bemused, but worried at the same time.

Something about what Stan said scared me. "Do I really drool when I sleep?" I wiped my mouth for testing measures. My hand came up dry.

She patted my shoulder. "Of course not Rose."

For the first time, I wasn't exactly looking forward to my after school work out. I changed in the locker room and saw Dimitri already stretching on the mats when I walked out. He looked in my direction, his expression unreadable. I plopped down on the floor and straddled, leaning so far forward that my entire torso rested on the floor. Sighing in comfort, I let my eyes close.

"Are you planning on sleeping through all our practices?" Dimitri asked. There was a hint of amusement.

"Just for another week and a half…or until I catch up on my sleep." I didn't really mean it, but it was entirely possible at this rate. Sleep deprivation did wonders to the body.

"Guardian Alto seemed very angry when I came across him this afternoon," oh dear God. "I could only imagine who or what made him so furious." I didn't say a word, because he already knew. "I'll try and talk to him," he sighed.

"Gah, you don't have to do everything for me. He was going to give me a detention either way. He tried to wake me up during class, but not even Lissa could. I'm sure if I explained to him that I seriously can't sleep, he probably would've cut me some slack. But I don't think he's willing to negotiate anymore."

"What did you say to him?" Dimitri sounded tired. I tend to have that effect on people.

I shrugged, sitting up. "I told him something along the lines of, 'nightmares of this class corrupt my sleep.' Then when he asked me what they talked about I told him 'the consequences of sleeping in class.'" Dimitri smiled. "I could only imagine how many ways he tried to wake me up."

"Well, I _know_," he eyed me, "that you won't fall asleep in my class. It's too exciting." I could see the smile playing on his lips. Cocky jerk.

I stood up. "I was not aware that this was a class. And last time I checked, this class was so easy that I fell asleep while participating." I slipped on my gloves with a grin on my face. "Ready for a beat-down?" I took my stance and fought him.

Dimitri seemed faster. Every time I thought I had him, he moved quickly out of my way. I forced myself to put in all the effort in me to actually hit him. My mind began to churn over possibilities of this phenomenon. He definitely did not seem full dhampir. Was he part strigoi now, or Moroi? And what of all his pals that he made in Russia? None of it made sense.

We quit, calling it a tie. We couldn't lay a hit on each other. Mostly due to his quickness and my ability to dodge. Dimitri sensed my troubles. He began to massage my hands as he usually did during cool down stretches.

"What are you thinking about, Rose? You look absorbed." He gazed at me thoughtfully with his dark, expressive eyes. For a fleeting moment, I thought about staring into his eyes forever and getting lost.

"Have you heard anything from…?" I looked around for any other occupants of the gym. Even though I found none, I didn't finish the question. I didn't want to ask Dimitri this, but I remembered how much he'd affected the Strigoi world. They looked up to him as a leader, even though they are mostly independent. He took charge, and he was strong. His charisma really effected and shook up the strigoi.

"Heard from whom?" He asked. I just looked into his eyes for a brief moment.

I shook my head. "Never mind." He looked around, seeming to do the same thing.

"No," he said quietly, looking down at my hands. "I don't think they would come to see me when I'm at the academy. It's too risky. They'll wait until I have to leave." I didn't like the thought of that. He looked in my eyes and cupped my cheek with his hand. "Don't worry. I'm not leaving without you."

I smiled. "You better not, or I'll chase after you and kick your ass like I did last time." We both cracked up. I loved the atmosphere we always had around us: easy, comfortable, and relaxed.

Without warning, I flung my arms around him. These past two weeks have been one hell of a roller coaster ride, and he was the one thing that kept me rooted to the ground. In a world that is always changing, he is the only constant I can count on to be there for me. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and he has the patience of a saint to withstand my attitude. I loved him unconditionally, and having him in my life gives me some sense of stability.

He wrapped his arms firmly around my waist. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and his words at my ear. "I love you Roza." I could cry. I wanted him so much, and yet, I had to wait another week before we could truly be together.

The idea of another week was painful. "I love you, too. I love you so much it hurts." My voice cracked and I knew I was busted. He pulled back a little to see my face, which was trying not to release tears. I would not cry in front of Dimitri. My eyes still felt watery. His face turned into a blur. His fingers traced my eyes and tears escaped.

"What's wrong?" He whispered. He cared so much. He knows I'm just one big mess and he puts up with me anyways. I'm supposed to be strong, and I am, but Dimitri always manages to break down my barriers.

"I don't suppose you know how to make a week go by really fast do you?" He laughed a little, causing me to laugh.

"Sorry, but no. This week will be passing as slowly for me. My only advice is to take in every single moment. Time passes quickly when you don't look into the future." He looked deeply into my eyes. "There's something else you aren't saying."

I smiled grudgingly. "How'd you guess?" I just shook my head and wrapped my arms around him again. "What are we going to do when Lissa goes to school?" I wondered. "I can't stand being away from you. It's just not an option for me. I'd probably end up doing something really stupid just to—"

He put a finger over my lips. "We can work that out later. For now, we'll just worry about keeping the teacher/ student line well defined, okay?" He cupped my cheek.

"Sorry to tell you this comrade, but I think we erased that line a good five minutes ago." I thought he would smile in amusement and pull away like he usually did, but he surprised me when his lips met mine gently. His hands pressed into my lower back, pressing me closer to him. I cupped his cheeks and pressed his face to mine. The kiss was gentle until I began to bring my lips apart. No one was around, so we let ourselves go, if only for a moment. I wish we could just sit here and not have to worry about people watching or seeing, but that just wasn't the case.

To my disappointment, he pulled away when things started to get a little heated. I wanted nothing more than for him to lose his control, but he rarely did. He looked at me with such passionate eyes, and I knew that he would never let me go. The idea gave me comfort.

"You need to get some sleep," he chastised me, pulling me up.

"Ha, like that's going to happen. Poka!" I shouted behind me as I headed to the dressing rooms.

"When did you learn Russian?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"There are a million ways you can Google 'bye'." I heard his laughing even while changing. When I came back out, he was gone. Frustrated, I walked straight back to my dorm. Dimitri was right about one thing: I needed to sleep. If I wanted to avoid any future detentions before graduation, sleep deemed necessary. I figured, If I sleep right after practice lets out, I can get a few hours of sleep, then wake up whenever everybody goes to bed…then stay up for eight hours. Homework should keep me pretty occupied.

When I got back to my room, something was sitting on my bed. Curious, I turned on the lights and saw a red velvet box wrapped in black silk ribbon. It looked so pretty I was afraid to touch it. Carefully, I unwrapped the ribbon and put it to the side. I sat down next to my bed and held the box in my hand, thinking who it could be from. I opened the box a little and a folded note fell out. Ignoring the contents of the box, I picked up the note and unfolded it. It read:

_For your birthday I missed. _

Dimitri's handwriting surprised me. I never expected anything from him. Cautiously, I opened the box. A gasp escaped my lips. Nestled in a black velvet cushion was a silver locket with vines engraved around the edges and a rose in the center. I ran my finger over the design, memorizing ever ridge. I popped it open, only to see words engraved in Russian. Before tears could spring to my eyes, I quickly wrote down the inscription on a piece of paper and set the necklace back in the box. I walked out of the dorm in hopes of finding someone. Thankfully, the world gave me Adrian.

"Adrian!" I called after him. He stopped and turned around.

"If it isn't little Miss Heartbreaker," he said teasing. "What can I do you for?" His smug smile hinted me on the double meaning.

"You aren't going to do me at all, but could you translate this for me?" I handed him the note and he looked over it carefully.

He squinted his eyes. "Uh, looks something like, 'with…all, with all…that," he paused for a second. Then his eyes relaxed. "Oh, 'with all that I am,' that's what it says. Where did you get this from? It's a bit soft for you." He already knew. Bastard.

I rolled my eyes. "Keep dreaming," I began to walk away.

"Always," I barely heard him. I was so blissfully happy about the words inside the locket. I sprinted back to my dorm and grabbed the locket, clasping it on while running out the door. The clock tower told me it was almost curfew, but I ran to the guardian dorms anyway.

The receptionist looked surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to see Di—Guardian Belikov. It's important." Being out of breath kind of bettered my chances of seeing him. Looking skeptical, she picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers.

"Miss Hathaway is here to see you…says it's important," she listened for a few moments, nodded, and then hung up the phone. "He will see you." I nodded. "He'll meet you at the steps. Wait for him there."

I sat on the steps, waiting for him. Not two minutes later and he tapped my shoulder. He looked concerned until he caught a glimpse of the silver on my chest. He smiled and lent me a hand. "Lissa?" He 'guessed'.

I smiled. "Yeah." Grabbing his hand, I stood up and we walked upstairs. I would've loved to run, but the receptionist was suspicious enough. The guardian living quarters looked much nicer that the student dorms. The hallways were paneled with nice wood instead of old wallpaper, the carpet was a luscious red instead of the dirt stained cream color the students in the dorms walk on.

The moment he closed the door of his room I jumped him. He expected it. His arms were open for me before I even leaped. His arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me nearly two feet off the ground for me to wrap my arms all the way around him.

"I guess this means you liked it?" He sounded amused, but relieved to have me in his arms again.

"I love it," I whispered. I pulled back. "How did you get it?" Not to be rude, but this necklace looked like it cost a fortune and school guardians don't exactly make that much. He took the locket in his hand and looked closely at it.

"My grandmother gave it to me." He looked at me thoughtfully. "And my grandfather gave it to her." He shrugged. "Just keeping the tradition going." The gesture, however small, meant so much to me. Before I could kiss him, he asked, "Do you know what it says?" He popped it open like he'd done it several times before.

"I got the translation, 'with all that I am'. Is that right?" I wrapped my legs around his waist to get a better hold on him.

He snapped it shut. "That is correct." He kissed me so gently, but the passion felt overwhelming. His hands, feather light at the touch, sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. I felt my back hit the wall; his hands slowly find their way under my shirt and grab my hips. His lips became more urgent, like I wasn't the only one who desperately needed the other. My hands moved into his silky hair and held onto him as if he was life itself…and in my own way, he was.

Lissa's feelings were starting to break through, but Dimitri's kiss made nothing else exist. Right now, I have my own love experience. She isn't the only one who can be this happy. The only difference is that she has the ability to flaunt her relationship. I kissed him deeper in response.

Dimitri had me pinned against the wall. I wasn't sure how much closer we could get before things got out of hand, which I prayed to God it would. To my immense disappointment, Dimitri's lips slowed and his grip on me got softer. I knew that in a moment, his lips would pull away and he'd lead me to the door. Part of me wanted to grip him tighter, but I knew I'd eventually have to let go, too.

He pulled away, but he didn't let go. He just looked at me with his dark eyes, seeming to say everything without making a sound. _I love you, and I would give anything just to keep holding you. But if I keep holding you, they will take you away. _I understood.

"Go get some sleep," he whispered, sounding worried and tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "You need it, and it's late." Dropping me to the floor, he kissed my forehead tenderly. I savored the moment. In this moment, it seemed easy to believe that I could have this forever.

"Thanks for the belated birthday gift," I told him with a smile. "I think it'll help." He knew what I was talking about. He looked relieved.

"Good. Now go get some sleep. I don't want you to fall asleep on me like you did this morning." He guided me to the door.

"Dude, your practices are getting so easy I'd fall asleep anyways." He opened the door.

"Really?"

The tone is his voice told me that if I didn't answer carefully, I'd be feeling a lot of pain tomorrow. "I think it's just because I know your moves and how you think."

He snickered. "Too late, you already said it. I'll see you tomorrow."

Back in my room, I laid in bed, playing with my new life support system and staring at the ceiling. I opened the locket over and over again, memorizing the inscription and thinking of Dimitri. _"With all that I am."_ Yeah, I feel the same way.

I closed my eyes, picturing our faces inches apart, his arms around my waist, surrounded by nothing but bliss. My eyelids felt heavy, and sleep inevitably overcame me. Lissa did not intrude my dreams, and troubling thoughts did not cloud my mind. I dreamed of our night in the cabin that day so many months ago, and I got the best sleep I'd gotten in a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** -runs, hides, cowers- don't kill me! i've been working on this chapter since school got out (which was officially monday) and it turned out A LOT longer than I intended. Please note that it is summer and I have a lot more time on my hands. Happy Father's day btw. I'm leaving for our lakehouse in an hour and 19 minutes. I should have an hour to and hour-and-a-half to work on my stories. REVIEW! I love that fricken button! Especially when people USE IT! what a concept...

**Chapter 12**

* * *

I cannot believe I thought killing Dimitri was hard. Guardian exams were probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I aced all my guardian classes, but I swear, pre-calculus and Slavic art are aneurism inducing classes. My two worst subjects just had to be on the last day of exams. The only thing that kept me going was the thought, _study=pass=graduate=Dimitri_. That's the kind of math I can handle. But staring at the damned math problems, all I could think was _epic fail_. Racking my brain for the right formulas, I wished Lissa and I shared the same math class, reading her mind would give me an easy A. Why couldn't she be in Stupid Math like me?

"Eh-hem," the old man (who foolishly thinks he can control me just because he's my teacher) stared right at me, trying to get me to focus. He pushed his glasses up the crooked bridge of his nose. I wonder how many broken noses he's ever had. Or is it just a birth defect? The mysteries that boggle the mind.

On the last problem, five minutes till the end of the hour, I got stumped:

Find the zeroes of P(x) given the indicated zero.

_P_(_x_) = 2_x_3 − 9_x_2 − 2_x _+ 30

The numbers made no sense. My mind went blank. What? You know you are to your limit when you can't even hear the bell ringing and the teacher saying pass your papers up. When I looked up, I caught a glimpse of another kid's answer. Quickly, I scrawled 5/2 on my paper. Yes, Rose Hathaway cheated on her senior pre-calc exam. No one can say that they are surprised. As told, I passed my paper forward, praying to god that I passed.

I met Lissa in Slavic Art class. She looked as bright and cheery as she did under a daily basis, wearing a sunflower-yellow sundress. I'm pretty sure I looked like death in a hoodie and denim capris with comfy Chuck All-Stars. She looked at me and started laughing. I narrowed my eyes.

"It's pre-calculus Rose, not quantum physics." We sat down at our seats and she still laughed at me.

"You say tomato," I mumbled, "I say toe-mah-toe." It's not my fault she's a genius at math. Lissa could get into Harvard if the Queen would allow her to. The girl is that brilliant. I'm pretty sure if you compared her with Albert Einstein, he would look like a kid with severe autism, or some other mental disease that could explain his wild hair that looked like some large animal died on top of it. Sometimes, I really wish that Lissa would get the same educational opportunities that a human would get. She deserves it.

"Well, this class shouldn't be that hard. He basically went over the entire exam last week." She shrugged, I stiffened. Oh shit.

"Smarty sundress say what?" Mr. Mallard began passing out the exams at the front of the class. Thank God I sat in the back with Lissa. "When the hell was this?" Which day did I fall asleep in class? Tuesday? It had to be Wednesday or Tuesday. Because _somebody_ decided to get _busy_ on a school night, I lost a ton of sleep. "I don't remember reviewing for any test!" I whispered frantically.

She rolled her eyes. "Last week on Wednesday. Don't worry, I got it all. Just stay in tune." She winked. Oh, Lissa, I love you right now. I sighed with relief. At least someone slept well. Mr. Mallard passed us our exams and gave us a look that told us to shut the hell up or else you will be getting zeros.

Lissa and I talked the entire time. Through the questions, Lissa made snide comments about Mr. Mallard.

"_Mr. Mallard is so corrupted!" _I stifled a giggle. _"Seriously! Didn't he once tell us that he saw some guy commit suicide by jumping off a building and then afterwards went to lunch with his dad explaining to him what happened. Then his dad said, 'Aw, that's depressing. Would you like the chicken Caesar or the house salad?' Then there was that one day in the beginning of the semester where he dropped his M&M's on the floor and then started eating them! That was so gross."_ My body shook with silent laughter. Sometimes, Lissa was a riot. _"And then remember when you had a book on that one TV host guy who was really a secret agent and Mallard was like, 'what are you doing?' and you answered, 'Learning about monkey balls!' and he got all excited and said, 'Really?!' and started reading! Wow, I'm going to miss him next year."_

We turned in our tests and I felt completely brain dead. "Oh, god, it's over!" I threw my hands in the air. "We are done!" I rubbed my temples. "Praise be to God, 'cause I got the worst fucking headache right now." Lissa scoffed at me as we walked out of class. I didn't even open my eyes.

"What are you talking about? I did all the work." She tried to sound resentful, but I could hear the smile in her voice and knew she didn't mind. I could feel that she felt I already did a lot for her, and this is just one way she can help out. I felt grateful that we could work together in that way. We could always lend each other a little help when we needed it.

"No, I still have a headache from that damn pre-calculus exam. Do you think it's possible to become a vegetable from thinking too hard on pre-calc exam?" I joked. "It's entirely possible that I failed that exam." She looked away from me and ran away. Confused and a little angry, I looked to see where she ran off to. Standing not ten yards away, Christian embraced Lissa. They held each other so tightly, I thought they were going to squeeze the life out of each other. My heart gave a little squeeze, and I knew what I needed right now.

"Liss!" I called after her. She craned her neck to turn and look at me. "I'll catch up with you later!" Without explaining, I took off.

When I walked into the gym, Dimitri sat in the corner with one of his Western novels. I rolled my eyes inwardly. He looked up when I stepped on the mats and splayed myself on my stomach with my nose in the mats. They smelled terrible, but I didn't give a ripe damn. My brain told me it's time to sleep. I heard Dimitri adjust himself in his chair.

"Rough day?" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I raised a finger. "Don't even get me started." My hand plopped back down to the mat. "Jesus, why does the last day always have to be the hardest?" I moaned. "Is it possible to go brain dead from hyper-brain activity? 'Cause that happened to me earlier. On my calculus exam, I totally blanked out on the question. None of the numbers made sense. You are so lucky that you don't have to take those things anymore." I sighed.

"Rose, I think you are being a little over-dramatic. I know Mr. Chabilski. He says you've been doing fine in class. I'm sure you passed with flying colors."

"Or hovering," I mumbled. Then something occurred to me. "You know Mr. Chabilski?" Maybe he could answer a few of my questions.

"Yes." I looked up. He loomed over me while remaining seated in his chair. "Why?" His dark eyes looked black as pitch in the shadow. I admired them for a moment before speaking.

"Why does he look so weird?" I asked. "His nose and…just, everything. Is there something wrong with him?" It's always came to mind.

He looked confused and slightly amused. "No. Why would you ask that?"

I sat up criss-cross on the mat. Earnestly, I said, "He just looks really weird. Does he have fetal alcohol syndrome or something?" A smile quirked on his lips. "And did you know that if you looked at him from a certain angle, he looks like a ginormous rat?" He looked at me with the oddest expression.

"You observe the oddest things, you know that?" He remained seated. "Okay, so, since you are graduating, I figured it's time for the 'how to be a good guardian' speech." I groaned outwardly and rolled over onto my back, looking straight up to the ceiling. He looked at me with threatening eyes. "Or would you like to take a test on it instead of pretending to listen like I know you do?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "I listen to what _you_ have to say, because what you say matters…most of the time," I added on for my benefit. "Don't worry. I'm just going to close my eyes and pret—or listen to what you have to say about being the best bad-ass guardian of all time like you know I'm going to be." I meant it as a joke, but he took it seriously.

"You _are_ going to be one of the best guardians ever," he said with a straight face. "I have no doubts about it." He looked through me with those dark orbs, and I held his gaze for several moments before he relaxed back into his chair. "When you are a guardian, or a guardian on duty, you don't let your guard down. Even though in a safe environment like court, things can still happen. And when you are on duty, your Moroi's safety is what matters. Don't get distracted by other people, things, or alcohol." He eyed me on his last point. I feigned a hurt expression, but he continued. "Now, your Moroi might have a bout of independence and want some alone time. Give them space," he warned, "but not complete privacy. That could lead to increase danger risk."

I knew all this. "Yeah, yeah, you stick with your Moroi when you're supposed to, don't leave, always have eyes, ears, or both on them, don't go all ADD or ADHD and forget about your Moroi because you see a squirrel. When you sense Strigoi, get them the hell out, at no matter cost. Get them safe, make sure there is another guardian around to protect them, then kick Strigoi ass." I looked at Dimitri. "Did I miss anything?" He kept staring and I smiled a cheesy smile. A small smile cracked on his lips.

"I think you will make a fine guardian," he complemented honestly. His eyes shined with pride and a hell of a lot more.

"Aw, that's sweet. If I didn't feel so brain dead, I'd get up and hug you, but unfortunately I feel brain dead. So I'm just going to say thank you from down here. Thank you." He stood up, all 6" 7 of him, and loomed over me. "Whoa, did you know that you looked _reeally _tall from this view? 'Because you do, look tall I mean." He smirked. His eyes looked beautifully black, dark, and full of passion. His lips parted into a smile, and for the moment, I didn't want to see his eyes, I didn't want to see anything. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, moving together in synch with each other. The most beautiful things in life aren't meant to be seen.

~*~

"Rose, would you calm down? You haven't been able to sit still all day. What are you going to do when you have to sit down for an hour-and-a-half at graduation tonight?" She put her hand on my bouncing knees. She was right; I couldn't keep still. The thought of Dimitri and I _finally _being able to be together got me so wound up, especially when graduation is less than five hours away.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Lissa smirked to herself and drew her hand back.

_I guess I can imagine why you're like this: Dimitri, right?_ She guessed. She glanced to the back of the room where all the guardians were standing, looking over the graduation-prep procession. I tried hard not to look back with her; I'm pretty sure she was looking at Dimitri. _Is it really that bad?_ "It," referring to the completely obvious tension between Dimitri and me. Every time we look at each other, it's like something is going to light on fire. Everyone noticed, so we tried to avoid contact.

"You have no idea," I murmured flatly. Avoiding him for the past several hours has been no cake-walk. Avoiding him at all takes a ton of focus and resistance.

My mother couldn't come. I'd invited her, but duty calls in Europe. She'd apologized profusely, which surprised me a bit, but she just couldn't get away. Our mother-daughter relationship is definitely on the mend…and Dimitri took the credit. We communicate more via email and stand on a more peaceful basis. I wore her necklace often. It brought me a little sense of peace, I guess.

"He's looking at you," Lissa pointed out. That just about did it for my self control. My head whipped around to the back of the room and, low and behold, there he was, staring at me. The loving look never seemed to leave his eyes. Excitement coursed between us like electricity in the room. Only a few more hours and we'd be able to be together without worries. People might disapprove, might look down upon us, might even complain, but we don't care. Being together is enough for us to get through anything. We smiled at each other, but the moment was ruined by Lissa 'psst'ing and yanking my arm to get my attention.

"Holy crap, you weren't kidding," she giggled. Her green eyes lit up and she smiled. She felt happy for me that everything is going to work out. She felt the same way about Christian. "I just wanted to stop you guys before you lit the room on fire." She meant it jokingly, but she seriously began to fan herself. Was she feeling hot from our tension, or was she just hot for Christian who was sitting two rows directly in front of her?

The last few hours, before graduation, felt excruciatingly slow to me. On normal days, it felt like long strides to go see Dimitri. Now, I felt as if I was inching towards him. Lissa noticed as we prepared ourselves for the ceremony. I slipped on my black dress that I wore for a dance that occurred ages ago. It felt appropriate, because that night was the turning point of Dimitri and I's relationship. Lissa, ignoring my pleads and arguments, decided to flat-iron my hair.

"Liss, I'm putting it up. It's a special occasion, and I want to show my _molnijas_," I argued again. I looked in the mirror and at her. "There really is no point to this. It's a waste of time." She ignored me and continued working on my already-flat hair diligently.

Remaining focused on the job at hand, she said, "I know, but you will look more polished this way. There won't be any stray hairs sticking out, no frizzies," she drifted off into thought. Of course, she already looked perfect in her baby blue, silk, sleeveless dress. Her hair was pin-straight due to prior straightening this morning and another run through before I came over.

I rolled my eyes. "It's probably just going to get messy again this evening," I mumbled to myself, but unfortunately, Lissa still heard me.

She stopped straightening my hair. "Excuse me? Run that by me one more time." She seemed a little stunned to hear it.

"Nothing," I said.

"Liar," In the mirror, her green eyes pierced mine. She tried to look serious, but you could see the excitement in her eyes. "What do you mean by what you just said?" She knew, she just wanted me to admit. I refuse to submit!

"Uh, I meant absolutely nothing by it. You are just overanalyzing everything right now because you are totally hot for Christian." She blushed an awesome shade of red. I snickered. "I totally busted you fanning yourself while staring at the back of his head at the run-through today. You looked like a horny little teenager today," we both giggled. "You guys are going to get married within the next two years, I can guarantee it." She made a skeptical, amused face.

"Married? I don't know. Maybe after college, but I really don't think Queen Tatiana would approve," she rolled her eyes at the mention of the name, "because she wants to hook me up with her bizarre major great nephew, or something of another." We both laughed.

"Heh, she's delusional if she thinks that is going to happen." I fiddled with my fingers while she finished up my hair.

"Yeah," she said softly. "What about you and Guardian Belikov? Hm? Any marriage plans for you two?" I fought a blush. "You two are the very definition of love. I would not be surprised if you came back from a vacation with a wedding ring on your finger."

Dimitri and I are hard-core guardians. That's what made our relationship so hard. I want so badly to protect Lissa from everything harmful in this world. He wanted to protect anybody. He wanted to feel purposeful in this life, and he found his passion in protecting people. Even though we love each other with an undying passion, would there be room for marriage? I highly doubt we could live what you would call a "normal life." Normalcy just isn't our style. Also, I don't think we could sit back and bask in our love when people are dying or worse. Do I see marriage? No. Do I see commitment? Yes.

"Nah," I waved off the suggestion. "Doing the normal just isn't my style. Sorry." She finally finished my hair, finally, and put the flat-iron down. Taking the brush, I began pulling my hair back into a pony-tail.

Lissa scowled. "Don't do it plain. Give me that. You have destroyed your right to a hair-brush." She parted my hair to the left with a little bit of trouble (since there is so much of it). She tied it into a loose pony-tail, making a hole just above the band, and flipping the hair through it, giving my hair a nice twist. She pulled it off so artfully. "There. Now you have some grace about you." She smiled at her handy work, brushing non-existent lint off her shoulders.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for the slap in the face about my style." I stood up and brushed myself off. "Okay, let's go before I skip graduation altogether and kidnap Belikov to do my own bidding." I pulled her out of the room.

She was giggling. "Oooh, that sounds so dirty," she commented, "and kind of kinky. Will there be ropes involved?" She was trying really hard to calm her uncontrollable giggles.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, on you if you don't stop giggling like a fool."

~*~

"Peter Gradovik," lil' ol' Peter made his way across the platform. He shook hands with Kirova and accepted his certificate. "Rosemarie Hathaway." I flinched at the mention of my full name, but made my way across the platform after Peter. Reluctantly, I shook Kirova's hand with a forced smile and walked off a little too quickly. I guess she still held hostilities towards me.

As I walked off, I caught a glimpse of Dimitri, who was smiling like a fool. The smile was contagious and I immediately caught it. When I walked in today, he complimented my hair. Every since then, Dimitri has been the only thing on my mind. I couldn't wait to hold him, _really _hold him, and not worry about what everyone sees or thinks. It's my life and I'll do what I damn well please.

The guardians took seats next to tattoo artists to receive our promise marks. All these kids were in for a surprise. They felt all excited for getting their tattoos. They don't know that it is going to hurt like hell. I snickered to myself and a couple of people turned to look at me; I kept my head down.

The pain felt a little familiar, since not a couple weeks ago I received two more _molnijas_, and I adjusted. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a couple of kids on the verge of tears: wincing, squinting their eyes shut. All I wanted to do was tell them to suck up and take it like a man. I kept my mouth shut.

After both processions, the entire graduating class sat down for a formal dinner. Eddie, Christian, Lissa, Adrian and I sat at one table. Eddie tended to rub the back of his neck where his tattoo was patched. Even though the back of my neck was patched, too, the mark that represented the countless Strigoi I've killed still showed at the base of my neck. I wasn't ashamed of it. It just reminded me of a time that I didn't want to remember. The thought of loosing Dimitri again was painful.

"Rose, are you okay?" Lissa asked, her expression filled with concern. "You looked kind of pale there for a second." _Is everything alright? You looked like you were in a panic._

I tried to regain the color in my face. "Liss, I'm fine. Don't worry. Just thinking about something…well I shouldn't really be thinking about." Something I should never think about. The thought of loosing Dimitri again made me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

"This is graduation! You should be thinking of kicking Strigoi ass, spending the rest of your life protecting Lissa, and getting drunk!" To emphasize his point, he downed his glass of spiked punch.

"No Adrian, that's just you on a regular basis," I pointed out. Everyone chuckled.

He frowned. "Hey, I've been getting better. Ever since Lissa has been teaching me I've had to keep a level head. I'm just using tonight as an excuse."

The lights dimmed in the room. We all turned and faced the front where the podium stood. Mistress Kirova went to stand behind it. The room went quiet.

"I'd like to start off this evening by saying, congratulations class of 2008," a light applause went about the room. "But I felt the need to look back on this past year, and recognize those who are needed to be remembered. The first event that I would like to bring up is the return of the last Dragomir. Thanks to guardian Belikov," she gestured to the corner of the room where he stood, "she has returned to us and has met her requirements, despite her absence." Lissa blushed and I punched her arm lightly. Christian gave her a kiss on the cheek and I looked back at Kirova.

"Tragically, not only did we regain a student, but we lost one. During our annual ski trip, we lost Mason Castile, an excellent guardian in training. He bravely rescued two Moroi from the grasp of their captors, with the help of Rosemarie Hathaway. Unfortunately, when he returned to help Rose, he was killed. Today, we honor his courage, bravery, valor, and compassion for his comrades.

"As you all know, a couple months ago, the academy was faced with a massive Strigoi attack. We lost many, and a few were never found. This person that I would like to honor is one of our best guardians. This person put everything on the line, fought with unimaginable tenacity, and saved many lives. Today, this person sits before us adorned with the rare mark of countless strigoi kills upon their neck. Not only this mark, but four _molnijas_ for individual kills." I think most of the school attendants knew who she was talking about. I kept my head down. "Rosemarie Hathaway is one of our best graduates. She left us, shortly after the attack, and we never knew why…until she came back, returning with a guardian, who we thought we'd lost to Strigoi. We thank her for returning our Guardian Belikov to us. Rose is talented, dedicated, determined, brave, and among many other things, compassionate. She has done more for the people around her than she could ever imagine. We will honor her forever. Please give a round of applause for this outstanding graduate."

A light shown upon me and I looked down. You couldn't feel more awkward. The entire room erupted into a deafening applause. For show, I looked up and smiled around me for a moment before putting my head back down. It's strange because when I first came here, Kirova loathed me. Now, here at graduation, I find her praising me left and right.

After the applause died down, Adrian started whooping and hollering. "Whoohoo! Alright Rose! Bad ass guardian with an interest in older—" I shoved a bread roll in his mouth. "wen," he mumbled incoherently around the roll. The entire table laughed as he took a bite out of his bread.

"You are such a moron," I massaged my temples.

He laughed. "It's true," he sang.

Christian and Eddie had no clue what he was talking about. And I planned to keep it that way until Dimitri and I finally decided to go public. I changed the subject. "So what are your plans for this summer?" I asked Lissa and Christian. "Vegas?" I suggested.

Lissa blushed. "No. We were planning on spending the summer together at Court. What about you?" She shot back. "Vegas?"

I laughed. "Ha. Not with you at Court. I'm stuck there for as long as you are." Personally, I would much rather be at court where Dimitri is.

"Besides, who would she marry? Eddie over here?" Christian quipped.

"Ew!" Eddie and I shouted at the same time. Everyone laughed.

It's at times like these where I couldn't imagine life going any better. Right now, we were all equals. We weren't in a major crisis mode, we weren't guarding anyone, we were just sitting together as friends. It's too bad this all has to end so soon.

We were all dismissed from dinner. After I said good night to Lissa, I made my way towards the corner of the room where my personal miracle stood.

I stood in front of him for a few quiet moments, just admiring him. He looked like a guardian, dressed in all black. I looked into his deep dark pools with immeasurable depth, and saw the emotions I'd been feeling all night. He gazed at me the same way.

"Congratulations," he finally said.

"Thank you," I said. "I couldn't have received that stellar honor from Kirova if it weren't for you awesome training. Its weird hearing such high complements come from a person whose feelings towards me could be described as loathing." He chuckled.

"Whether you believe it or not, she is really honored to have had you as a student here. Luckily for me, I got to have the immense honor of being your mentor." He was ignoring the elephant in the room.

"Did you know that we are standing six inches away from each other and my arms still aren't around you yet?" The sexual tension increased.

"And whose fault is that?" He grinned. That grin did it for my self control. I flung my arms around him and held him to me like we were glued. Having him so close relieved me. My entire body relaxed in his arms and love swelled in my chest.

The room cleared out until there was no one but us. I pulled back a little to look at his face. He brushed my cheek lightly with his fingertips, leaving trails of fire along the way. "You look so beautiful tonight. But the look on your face when Kirova praised you was priceless," he snickered.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. Will you shut up and kiss me already?" A smile tugged at the corner of his lips before he cradled my face in his hands. Softly, his lips pressed against mine. They met again and again, barely touching. It was sweet torture. Our kisses became much more heated with a passion I didn't know existed. Too much time apart made us both anxious to touch again, and when we did touch, it wasn't enough. When we weren't touching in one way or another, it felt like the life in us was taken away piece by piece. Now, with our lips locked, we could revive ourselves and take back the life we've lost.

He pulled away, leaving my lips in a pout, and gazed at me thoughtfully. He let go of me, setting me down on the ground, and began walking out of the room hand-in-hand.

"And where, may I ask, are we going?" I questioned.

"To one of my favorite places."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Okay, first off, I love my reviewers. Second, I was a writing fiend until I hit the last few pages. I hit a very VERY hard wall. But then I had a stroke of genius in the midst of my breakfast dinner and ran from the kitchen table like death was on it with my parents screaming at me to sit down and finish my dinner for once without running back upstairs to type whatever had sprung into my mind at that very moment. I love Rose's rebuttal in this chapter. I hope you do to! KEEP REVIEWING! seriously, i start skipping around like a little girl whenever an email pops up saying "REVIEW ALERT" i go all "EEEEEK! YAAY!" imagine me leaping out of my queen size bed with my laptop cord wrapped around my ankle then falling face first onto my floor and that's what happend. **

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Relief flooded through my body and excited butterflies flittered in my stomach. He held onto my hand tightly, not caring if anyone saw. Which I highly doubt anyone did. We cut through the crowds of graduates, crying and saying goodbye to their friends, promising to keep in touch. Such remedial things meant nothing to me now. What mattered was that Dimitri had my hand, and was taking us to our cabin out in the woods.

No one saw us as we quickly walked through the crowds of graduates and faculty, all too busy with their conversations to really notice a 6'7 god moving through the crowd. Once we were passed the outdoor commons and heading into the woods, I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't want to waste a single moment just merely holding his hand. I wanted to hold him in my arms until this dream seemed real. He did the same. Occasionally, I could feel his lips in my hair, giving me gentle kisses. We were hidden in the safety of the tree's shadows. Despite the dark, I could see the small little cabin up ahead of us.

When we approached the front door, Dimitri pulled out the keys and unlocked it. The moment he shut the door behind us, I launched myself into his arms and he readily caught me. For a while, we just held onto each other, not really feeling the need to say anything. Eventually, he did pull back from me, only to look at me with the darkest, most intense, most passionate eyes I'd ever looked into. He cupped my cheek with his hand.

"You wore your hair up," he commented with a smile. "I like it. But don't you think it's a crime to repress such beautiful hair?" He smoothly tugged the hair-band out of my hair, letting it flow freely. It felt nice not to have my hair pulled back. He ran his hand through my hair. "That's better." If there was anything Dimitri couldn't resist about me, it was my hair (courtesy of my father).

I pulled myself closer to him, our faces mere millimeters apart. "I love you," I whispered. He gazed directly into my eyes without hesitation. It felt as if everything hung on that moment, so heavy with tension and passion.

"As I love you, _Roza_," he whispered back. He leaned in a little more and kissed me. Our lips met, again and again, barely touching. He kissed me slowly and sensually, until his lips got heavy, more urgent on mine. We gripped each other tighter.

My chest felt as if it would explode. Dimitri was here, in my arms, kissing me passionately, and had just told me he loved me. Is it possible to die of happiness? It certainly felt like it in this moment. I don't think I have ever been so blissfully happy than this moment. My chest felt so swollen with happiness that I thought it would explode. I felt so…_full_. I felt _complete._ I felt as if my heart wanted to jump out of my chest.

Maybe because it didn't belong to me.

My heart belonged to Dimitri. I gave it to him that night under Victor Dashkov's lust spell. I loved Dimitri with everything in me. I never knew that I could ever give and receive so much love from one person. My mother loved me yes, but not like Dimitri did. The way Dimitri loved me put every other love to shame. No other person in the world could make me feel so happy and complete. I knew he felt the same, because even though Tasha offered him another chance at love and life, he said no. He said no for _me_.

Lissa used to be my world. She used to be in the very center of it. I would've thrown myself in front of a bullet for her. She used to feel the same way towards me. She used to love having me around to talk to. She used to love hanging out with me and being my cohort in crime when I was getting into trouble. But then she met Christian. I remembered that pang that I felt the first time she pulled me into her mind when she was with Christian. I realized then and there I wasn't the center of her world anymore. But then I met Dimitri. He admired me from the beginning, for being so courageous, for protecting Lissa and keeping her safe. He began to love me back. Lissa and I were no longer the center of each other's worlds.

As Dimitri stood here, just holding me tight and kissing me, I couldn't think of a time that I've been so happy. The love inside me wanted to explode. It was like the love we exchanged just grew greater. Never before have I felt such _bliss_. I had never been so blissfully happy in my entire life. I felt so many things when he kissed me: loved, happy, peaceful, excited, satisfied, lust, a craving to be held, touched, to touch…All these emotions wanted to jump out of me. Instead, they escaped in tears. One by one they slid down my cheek.

Dimitri pulled back from my lips. He saw the tears, and began wiping them away with a slightly concerned look on his face. He kissed one away. "Why are you crying, Roza?" By the way he sounded, you'd think he was the one crying.

How could I explain what I was feeling without sounding so ridiculous? Somehow, looking into his eyes, I hoped to find the right words. Taking a shaky deep breath, I looked straight into his dark, oh so dark eyes. "I've seen you standing around a thousand times, and every time I wanted to come straight up to you and hold you in my arms, never having to let go." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "But I couldn't. Whenever I couldn't hold you, I felt like the world was ending. The truth is Dimitri, I'm done pretending." I felt like I was saying too much, but the words just kept coming. "I'm done pretending that we don't have something.

"Before you, I never thought that I had any more to give, to the world, to Lissa, to my mother. But then I found you, and discovered that I could give so much love. It feels as if everything can change now, with Lissa especially, but it's like my love for you will never change." I couldn't figure out how to put it into words. "It's like," I thought hard, "in these seven changing days, you're the one thing that remains, like your love for me will always remain the same." I smiled, letting more tears trail down my cheeks. "The reason I am crying is because I have never, in my entire life, been so blissfully happy than I am in this moment. With you, holding me, and never letting go." My voice faded into just below a whisper.

He shook his head, his eyes glistening. In a deep, shaky, passionate voice, he told me, "Never, Roza. I will never let you go." He kissed me then. Again and again our lips met. My tears kept coming as he continued to kiss me so passionately. Our kisses became more urgent, as if we were drinking to an unquenchable thirst. We were drinking to everything we've lost, to every mistake we'd made. As soon as my back hit the bed and felt his weight on top of mine, the feeling in my chest continued to grow, on the verge of bursting.

His hands, wrapped around me, found the zipper to my black dress. Slowly, while kissing me, pulled it down and slipped off the dress. He tossed it to the floor and in one swift motion, got rid of his shirt. His lips met mine again, and his cool hands swept across my body while mine explored his smooth, chiseled chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close to me. His hands found the clasp to my strapless bra and quickly did away with it. Having nothing between us felt like home. It felt like it should be. Our chests were tightly pressed together.

When everything came off, and I couldn't tell where my body ended and his began, my chest finally exploded and tears flowed down my face like I'd never cried before. I felt ridiculous, but that was until I felt Dimitri's tears mix with mine. I opened my eyes and he opened his, our chests heaving, his eyes penetrating mine. I wiped away one of his tears and he kissed away one of mine. We both let out a laugh and he continued to kiss me, this time, so much softer. "I love you Roza," he whispered against my lips.

"I love you Dimitri," I whispered back. His hands held onto my waist tighter and his lips came down harder on mine. I gripped his shoulders and had no immediate intentions of ever letting go.

When we were both exhausted, we laid facing each other, our faces mere inches apart. His fingers lightly traced my cheek down to my jaw line. "You are so beautiful," he breathed. My heart fluttered. He leaned forward and kissed me, keeping his lips close. "I love you, _so much _Roza. I will never let you go." He repeated his promise from earlier.

I kissed him back. "I love you Dimitri. Just promise me," my voice caught and tears got stuck in my throat.

"Promise you what?" He whispered.

I found my voice again. "Just don't leave me again." My lips trembled. "I don't think I could take it again. The thought of seeing you being taken, or even walking away," I fought for air. "It's extremely painful." Dimitri took me in his arms and I rested my head on his shoulders as I rested on top of him.

He kissed my head. "I swear, Roza, I swear to you that I will never leave you." Those words gave me comfort that I would never have to feel the pain of having to lose him again. I gave him a hearty kiss on the lips, and he kissed me back. I closed my eyes in content, now feeling the exhaustion from the evening's frivolities. Dimitri ran his hand over and through my hair. It felt so good that I fell asleep, in his arms, where I planned to sleep for the rest of my life.

~*~

I felt his kisses on the back of my neck. I could feel a kiss for every tattoo I bore. His finger lightly grazed my bigger tattoo that represented the many strigoi I killed that fateful night several months ago. The night that I wanted to forget.

I turned my head and barely opened my eyes. There he was, just the way I left him: shirtless, and perfect.

"Hey," I said groggily. "How long have you been up?" I rested my head on his chest. He brushed my hair to the side, exposing my neck and the tattoos that adorned it. I sighed in content.

"Not very long. I've never seen a tattoo like this before," he tapped my big one. "When did you get it?"

"The night after you disappeared from me," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. "They told me it's a very rare tattoo. They told me that it represented too many kills to count. I really didn't care at the moment. I didn't feel it or anything. I felt nothing." That painful time without Dimitri is not a time I like to look back on.

His finger touched the one nearest to my hairline, the one I hated bearing the most. I put it there for a reason. Right beneath it lays the part of the brain that operates the things the body does in order to survive: the heart beat, the lungs and internal organs. Without that part of the brain, the human race would die off in seconds. That's like what Dimitri is to me. A means of survival.

"I can't seem to get over how beautiful you are," he told me in a whisper. I looked up at him. Every time he looked at me it looked like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. His hand slid up and down the curves of my back smoothly, sending sensations all over my body. When his hand brushed my lower back (_way _low), a shiver ran up my spine and the sheets. I fought back a moan as his hands went back up along my sides. I relaxed at his touch, taking in the quiet moment.

"Don't stop," I told him when his hands stopped. He continued.

"I think I should talk to Mistress Kirova or someone at court about reassigning me." He said. "I want to get it done before it's too late." His voice sounded a bit off hand.

"Okay," I whispered against his skin. I felt so relaxed that I wanted to fall asleep in his arms again, but my reasonable and responsible side told me it was time to get out of bed. Outside the window, the sun was just beginning to set. Everyone would be up soon, wondering what the hell happened to Rose Hathaway and Guardian Belikov. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to get dressed and leave Dimitri's arms, but I did.

Slowly, I pushed myself off of Dimitri and sat up on the bed. Reluctantly, I turned my back to Dimitri, not willing to expose myself to such temptation. I rubbed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. I felt movement on the bed and Dimitri's arms wrapped around me just below my very exposed chest. He pressed his lips against my collar bone.

I hmed in comfort. His grip on me felt so good, and his lips moving up my neck felt even better. I leaned back into him, turning my head to meet his lips for a gentle kiss. It was soft and lingering. Even after he pulled back to look at my eyes, I could still feel his lips there. "I thought you said you wanted to do something today? Not force me to lock that door and throw away the key," I told him.

He smiled against my neck. "Get dressed," he told me, getting up the put some clothes on himself. I obeyed, searching for my underwear that seemed to have disappeared last night.

We'd made it back to the dorms just before sundown, giving me time to go shower and change before anyone noticed I was wearing the same dress from last night. The water felt good on my body, but not nearly as much as Dimitri did. I couldn't wait until this wasn't a secret anymore. I couldn't wait until we could hold hands, wrap our arms around each other, steal kisses, and just _look _at each other without people looking down on us or criticize. The excitement made me move quicker and I was out of the shower. I quickly and carelessly dried my hair and flew out the door.

When I reached the dorm commons, the receptionist called me over. "Guardian Belikov left a note for you." She handed me a small folded piece of paper. Carefully, I unfolded it.

_Meet me in Mistress Kirova's office._

I put the note in my back pocket. Jogging out of the dorm, I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Will they suspect anything other than our waiting? Is it too soon? Well, it's too late to be having second thoughts.

But standing outside the administration building, I realized I didn't really care about what Kirova thought. Dimitri loved me. That's all that matters. She can't deny him being reassigned. I walked into that building like I owned the place. Not stopping to look at anybody, I headed straight for Kirova's office. Standing outside her office, I could hear her 'this can't be good' voice. I knocked on the door.

"Come in," she invited me with a reluctant tone. As told, I opened the door, only to find Dimitri standing casually and Kirova staring at him with careful and curious eyes. I just kind of stood still in front of the door, unsure how to proceed.

"And why do you need to be reassigned? I see no problems in you guarding Vasilissa Dragomir. You are one of the best, and she needs the best."

Dimitri looked back to me. "I am certainly not the best, which is why she needs Rose. Rose, is also the reason that I cannot guard Lissa," he told her, using Lissa's preferred name. Feeling a little more confident, I took a step towards Dimitri, stopping when Kirova's voice turned stiff and clipped.

"What do you mean 'Rose is the reason'?" She stopped staring and started glowering. At me. She doesn't glower at Dimitri. She gives him the 'I'm really pissed off at you but I'm going to keep my composure' face. "What did you do Rose? Dimitri, don't let Rose's behavior effect your decisions."

He shook his head. "Rose did absolutely nothing wrong. What happened might be considered wrong, but in all honesty, it's not a bad thing at all." His calm manor was really beginning to piss her off.

"Well, are either of you going to tell me what's going on, or am I going to have to guess?" She sat on the edge of her seat.

Dimitri reached his hand out for mine and I took it. Nerves bubbled in my stomach and I squeezed his hand a little tighter. He looked at me with confidence I'd never seen before. He wasn't scared, therefore, neither was I. He spoke calmly and clearly; his voice did not waver.

"The reason I can't guard Lissa is because I will be more concerned about protecting Rose." Kirova looked a little confused.

"Explain that a little further, please." She rested her elbows on her desk and folded her hands together. We were either (A) in for a verbal beat-down, (B) a stunned silence which would result in a verbal beat-down, or (C) she will calmly allow Dimitri to explain his request a little further and reassign him. I hoped for option C, but Kirova would probably lean more towards option B.

He gave me one last supportive glance. "I love Rose. I love her too much to lose her, and if I see her in any danger, I'm afraid that I would fail at guarding Lissa and protect Rose instead." He let Kirova digest the information for a moment. "Rose has the same fear. So instead of putting Lissa's life at stake, we should give her two guardians that are strictly devoted to her. With her and Rose's bond, Rose can protect her, but I would be in the way of that. So that is why I need to be reassigned, preferably someplace in Court, where I can be close to Rose."

As usual, she glared at me. She wasn't even looking at Dimitri anymore. I hadn't said anything, so I assume that she thinks I fell in love with him first (which I can't really determine for obvious reasons) and this entire situation is my fault because he thought about it a reciprocated those feelings. When really, this entire situation came unexpectedly and is completely out of our hands. You can't just force love. It comes when it does. And it comes down hard.

I let go of Dimitri and put my hands on my hips, a little miffed. "And you're glaring at me," I pointed out. "I haven't said a word and you automatically are assuming this entire situation is my fault."

She stood up. "What did you do Rose? If I find out that you—" I cut her off.

"I didn't do anything! This just _happened_!" I waved my hands helplessly out in front of me. "It was just something that _evolved_ out of nothing. I'm not going to tell you who fell in love first, because I'm completely at a loss when it comes to determining that.

"I'm eighteen now anyways, and ever since you gave me that damned diploma, I am no longer a student at this academy. So you obviously can't punish me for being in love with an instructor. We didn't _do _anything that students and teachers _shouldn't _do. We just admitted it and waited for the right moment to come out with it." Okay, that wasn't really true. We had a few moments that would've gotten both of us in trouble, but they were little moments. Big to me, but technically really small.

She was livid. "So was what Mr. Dashkov said at his trial true? That you…" she couldn't even say it. The fact that she brought it up caught me off guard.

"Uh…um…well," I was at a loss for words.

"Technically," Dimitri, thank God, interceded. He kept his tone serious. "What he did seemed to maximize the feelings that we have for each other. We really had no control over what happened. At the moment, I really did not mind, but afterwards I realized that it couldn't happen."

"He didn't let anything happen," I assured Kirova. "He seemed to have realized what was going on sooner than I did. Before anything could get any…" I couldn't think of the right word, "Better or worse, I can't decide which word would be true." She glowered. I smiled.

I'd been in this type of situations many times before. I usually won. With Dimitri supporting me, I always won. So it's moot point. I win. She mulled all this information over in her mind while she continued to glower at me. She looked from me to Dimitri several times over. Her gaze finally settled down on me. And it was not a happy gaze.

"I hope you are happy with what you have done, Miss Hathaway." She full out glowered at me. As I looked into those flat, unmoved, and careless eyes, I could tell she really found nothing romantic about this situation, that she found it more like a smudge on those stupid librarian glasses of hers that she wanted to wipe away and felt pissed-off because she couldn't. She sincerely believed this was my fault.

Enough is enough. "What _I _have done?" I laughed, not like the giggles you hear from little girls when you see them whispering about little Tommy from down the street. This was full out maniacal laughter. I mellowed out for my rebuttal. "I am so _sick _of this _bullshit_!"

"Rose," Dimitri chided gently.

I put my hand in front of his face. "Enyeh!" was my not so mature way of telling him to shut the hell up. "Listen you unromantic bigot," I started, "just because I've obviously made some choices in the past that have altered and affected some people's actions—exhibit A, Lissa—does _not _mean that these feelings weren't reciprocated by the force of my charisma that everyone seems to fall in thrall with," she kept glowering. "You act as if I'm responsible for him falling in love with me!"

"You are. Your actions towards him have made him see your affectionate side. You coaxed him into feeling the same." Was I deaf, or did this woman sound absolutely ridiculous coming up with these half-assed attempts to defend her pride?

"He's a grown man you nitwit! I'm fairly certain he remains in good touch with his inner emotions. I didn't exactly say to him, 'oh Dimitri, I'm so in love with you,'" I said in a high pitched little-girl voice. "It just happened the way it happened. We didn't even come to acknowledge anything until way after Victor's little love spell. Besides, I didn't act especially affectionate towards him anyway!" I shifted my gaze to Dimitri. "Wouldn't you say I treated you like dog shit most of the time? He always did this profound Zen crap thing and acted all sage-like and totally pissed me off!"

"That," he pointed out, "is actually _very_ true." The only part of that statement that really pissed me off was the expression that read holy-shit-she-actually-made-sense.

"Wait," she snapped. She looked to the both of us. "How long has this been going on?"

I interrupted whatever Dimitri was about to say with, "Officially, or unofficially?" Hey, it was a fair question.

She looked annoyed. "Officially."

I turned my attention on Dimitri. "What horrendous event do you think marks the beginning of our 'official' relationship?" I asked him. "The Victor's-psychotic-daughter-just-about-killed-me event, the," I coughed modestly, "event, the holy-shit-I-just-killed-two-strigoi event, or the oh-God-Rose-is-crazy event?" He looked very amused.

"Do you have to give the events such long names?" He smiled a toothy smiled that felt contagious.

I shrugged. "No one-word can really capture the truth of the event. Did you notice that the levels of our relationship are marked by terrible events?" Oh, shit. Is that some kind of omen?

He thought for a moment. "Yes, and," he turned to Kirova, "I would say about four or five months. Since the night of the attack to be exact." I flinched as if I'd been slapped. That is not a night I want to relive…except for that one part that has already been relived.

"Unofficially?" She was now rubbing her temples furiously.

"Since I started complaining about my degrading beauty from being a guardian," I answered. Kirova gave me a look I didn't like. "I'm sorry; I don't do general descriptions of time intervals. I get right down to the very moment. And I'm only speaking for myself," I defended.

"It's not degrading. Plus, you could tell in that moment that the feelings were mutual," he turned to Kirova, "That would be a little less than a year ago in September."

She glared at him. "How come no one was aware of this?" She snapped. "I took you as a responsible adult who could demonstrate admirable behavior. A person who could draw a defined line between what is right and wrong: ethical and immoral."

Dimitri's eyes flared. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who noticed. "Excuse my forwardness, Mistress Kirova, but saying that this is wrong is crossing the line." This is what he'd been afraid of. This is what he's been fighting with. He didn't want people trying to convince him that our love for each other was wrong when he'd been debating it for over a year. "For a long time I have fought that battle with myself, but when I came to the point of losing her," I caught the note in his voice. The mere idea of losing me is heart-breaking. "Let's just say that my morals and ethics were never more clear."

He gently took my hand.

With that last note of finality from Dimitri, the room went quiet. If Kirova said anything else against us, I'm pretty sure that Dimitri would lose it.

"I will have the papers sent to your room, guardian Belikov. Please have your requests on my desk by Wednesday. The students leave for their duties on Friday and need their assignments." She looked like she had nothing more to say.

"Thank you." Despite his coldness prior to her statement, he sounded appreciative.

"You may go." She shooed us away.

We walked out of that office hand in hand, ready for the entire world to see.


	14. PLEASE READ! Promise and Hilarity Ensue!

Hi! I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a LONG TIME, but i've been on vacation for over two weeks with no internet connection! I know, I'm surprised I survived, too. Especially when your sister's boss was arrested before your eyes and all the snakes you see in Lake of the Ozarks are poisonous...thank God I didn't see any. I did witness ravonous Karp fish dive over each other for a piece of stale bread! Fascinating experience, really. New York is probably one of the most amazing cities man kind ever created; though I'm glad we changed the name to "New York" instead of "New Amsterdam". (If you need reference to that name, listen to "Istanbul (was constantinople)" by "They Might Be Giants") I promise you all that I will be typing up a storm this weekend. And if I am determined enough, I will even work during the season finale of Burn Notice! So I'm thinking if I work REALLY HARD, I can get two chapters up by next week (being Sunday). I hope you all have had a wonderful summer so far and have been educating yourselves how to be excellent spies, fencers, and writers!

To my Star Crossed readers: In the beginning of the story, some people wondered why Rose would go to Russia. Here is my reasoning: Strigoi are very dominant creatures, which explains why they work terribly together except when they are in dire need of excessive force. But first, they need something they CAN dominate. Familiar territory is a great place to start. Since he grew up in that small town in Siberia, it's likely he knows a lot about the place. Even if he isn't there, Rose can find out more about his behaviors or habits from the ones who know him best: his family. So if you have been keeping up with Richelle Mead's website, you would have noticed by now (possibly for the past five days that I have been absent from duty) that she has posted the first chapter like she does the month before every book is released. Rose went to Russia. St. Petersburg to be precise. I shall call my super-ninja-telapathic-literary-senses. (cue excited happy squeaks) I felt that all my spy training and practice reading intentions have paid off. As you can probably tell, I am fairly proud of myself...yet I feel slightly unoriginal. (Cue tears). Sorry if you were expecting a little more from me. PRE-ORDER BLOOD PROMISE TODAY! (Btw, Spirit Bound sounds interesting. Lissa is bound to play a major part in that one! Maybe she can heal Dimitri!!!!)


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: please don't kill me! right when i finished the chapter, my computer decided to restart and install updates before I could save an install the damn updates! That thing is so annoying. Anyways, here are my comments: rummage sales are really fun as well as typewriters, vintage and red are in this season, Gaelic Storm is amazing, this is just a transition chapter (ergo the shortness), and llama beanies are amazing and sometimes itchy. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Lissa wouldn't calm down. She felt nervous, excited, and anxious all at the same time. She talked excessively like she always does when she gets excited about something. I felt bad for Christian, who had his ear talked off. He nodded, shook his head, smiled, and chuckled at all the appropriate moments to make her feel a little better.

"Liss," she kept talking to Christian. "Liss," I said a little firmer. She started moving onto another topic and finally, I shouted, "Lissa!" She turned around, a little shocked. Thankfully, she went quiet. "It's okay; you don't have to talk your poor boyfriend's ear off when you get a little anxious. You're going a little over-board. Calm down before you have a heart attack or make me remove your voice box."

She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, to you especially Christian," she patted his shoulder, "but I just can't help it!" she started fidgeting with her fingers and twiddling her thumbs. "The queen isn't exactly that fond of me, and living at court is making me a little nervous."

Ever since her public embarrassment from Queen Tatiana, her self confidence has plummeted. She always second guesses herself. Even though that сука ("sooka". My first Russian curse word! –Courtesy of Adrian) would move heaven and earth to get her there, Lissa still felt like she had so much to live up to because of what we did over two years ago.

She and Christian settled into an easy conversation while I turned to my preferred company. "So, any last words of wisdom before throwing me to the sharks?" I asked Dimitri. "These are my last few moments as an off duty guardian. Any words on what to expect in my first year?"

He looked like a guardian on duty, as always. His black slacks made him look taller and his black v-neck t-shirt fit him perfectly, accentuating his perfectly chiseled torso. I forced my eyes up to his face, where a famous half smile greeted me.

"Rose, I really don't have much advice to give to you. You've experienced most of what is to be experienced, despite being a student. You are focused—most of the time—driven, and very serious about what you do. I can't imagine a better guardian than you." I smiled at the compliment. They used to come on a rare occasion, but now a little more often. I took in every one of them.

"Uh, I can think of a better one," I noted. "His name rhymes with…well, his name is Dimitri." Is there something that rhymes with Dimitri?

He looked skeptical. "Yes, because I'm the very epitome of a good guardian: letting myself be taken by the strigoi and hurting you. I think that's a double hit."

I shrugged. "What can I say? My bad-ass strigoi radar runs full time. Maybe you should get one. It gives you a couple moments' notice to get your ass into gear instead of being a sitting duck. Maybe you should do a little meditation; get in touch with your inner Chi. It raises the awareness of your surroundings." Hurray for random Google searches!

"Maybe I should," he conceded. "Maybe you should consider loosing the cocky attitude before someone believes you are conceited."

I rolled my eyes. "I _am _conceited, and you love my cocky ass. Second guessing myself isn't something I do; I go with my gut instinct most of the time and fair just fine. All the same, you love my spontaneity and cockiness."

His arms wrapped around me, feeling colder than usual, and leaned in closer to my face. "Of course I do, and don't you ever second guess it." His lips brushed mine for a moment and I smiled to myself. He left it way too open.

"Would you be willing to say that in front of a minister?" His uncharacteristically shocked expression made me laugh. Hard. He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "I'm sorry," I gasped. "I just wanted to see the look on your face," I chuckled again. "You didn't disappoint."

"I'm glad I amuse you."

I loved being with Dimitri this way. We didn't worry about labels or anything that involved our public relationship. Being with him felt so easy, so comfortable. It felt that way until I heard what sounded like a cat dying; which was actually Adrian singing.

"I'm all alone," he wailed, "There's no one here beside me." He swung his head over to me dramatically. "But you gotta have friends!"

"Oh, shut it Adrian!" I pushed him away. "Be quiet before you cause someone to go deaf." Despite the fact that without Adrian I would've never found Dimitri, I still wanted to murder him half the time for annoying the hell out of me.

He slung a lazy arm around my shoulders, smelling of cloves and heavy alcohol. "What?" he yelled deafeningly in my ear. I winced and shoved him hard.

Glowering, I retorted, "Very funny Adrian." Before I could beat him to a pulp for bursting my ear-drum, the pilot called for us to board the plane. While Lissa continued to talk Christian's ear off (despite my efforts to calm her), I muttered about Adrian's elaborate, mysterious murder all the way to my window seat. Dimitri took the seat next to me.

"The only people you are permitted to murder aren't people—they're monsters. So don't go planning Ivashkov's mysteriously inexplicable death." He sent me a sidelong glance, saying _don't do anything stupid that could ruin what we've worked for._ He returned his eyes to his western novel.

"How many times have you read _that_ one?" I asked him. There are only so many western novels in the world and I'm fairly certain that he possesses all of them.

"The number escapes me," he answered. Either that or he is just too lazy to search for the number at the moment. I decided to take advantage of his distracted state to find out some answers that he's avoided giving me this week. Ever since we've come out of the closet (so to speak), we've felt a tremendous weight lifted off of our shoulders. We felt that nothing was keeping us apart; yet he still kept some things to himself.

"So who are you guarding now?" I asked. That was the question that had been bugging me. I wanted to be close to him while we were at court, but that would be dangerous to Lissa. So I didn't know which one I wanted more: having him close to me but putting Lissa in danger, or not having him close to me and keeping her safe (just putting me through agony). Then again, how was that any different from under the daily basis that I take away her slight depression or slight anger.

He either wanted to keep it from me because it's a person who I like and wanted to keep it a surprise, or it was someone I loathed and wanted him to stay the hell away from or is just keeping it a secret so I don't kill somebody. My guess is the latter.

"I'll give you ten guesses." I heard a bit of grudge in his voice and I just knew.

"Please tell me you're joking," I said flatly. I chanced a glance down the aisle at the traitor. "Doesn't this place us in the same situation that we faced with Lissa?"

Dimitri didn't change his expression when he turned the page in his novel. "He is aware of the situation, which is why I agreed to guard him."

I could tell what was running through his mind. I'm not sure how acutely aware he was on Adrian and I's agreement before I left, but he wasn't about to risk anything. "I never really took you for a 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' kind of guy." I took him for the 'keep your friends close and kill your closer enemies' kind of guy. He was very close to killing Victor Dashkov when he threatened to enlighten everyone in court about our interlude.

Talking to him made me forget that the plane was taking off which made the inevitable headache that much worse. I slapped my palms to my temples with a gasp. "Son of a _bitch_," I gasped.

Dimitri seemed to know that I was talking about the headache, not Adrian. He put his book down and hovered over me. "Rose?" His voice sounded a little panicked, which meant he was a mess as to what to do.

Figures started to appear in my vision and I whispered sternly, "Go away." The silhouettes dispersed and cleared my vision, but it only dulled the headache a little bit.

"Roza," he whispered, "are you alright?" He rubbed my back and ran his hand over my hair (he did it almost obsessively now). I didn't want to open my eyes because of the lights in the cabin. I tried to hone in my pain, but a whimper escaped my lips. He held me into his side. "Just sleep it off. I'll wake you when the plane lands," he whispered tightly.

There was a tremulous note to his voice. I could tell then and there how much it tortured him to see me in pain and not be able to do anything about it. He couldn't bear not being able to control the dangers that surround me. He hated seeing me in pain, and would take it on himself if he could. It agonized him to no end when it was something inevitable, unavoidable, and incurable.

I took his advice and fell asleep. I didn't dream or anything. Just blackness surrounded the dream. The pain didn't recede, but having Dimitri's arms around me made it a hell of a lot easier. He relaxed me without even trying. When he spoke to me, my mind cleared. When he touched me, all tension dissipated. I loved that about him. I wondered if I had the same effect on him. Everything seemed so much easier around him. Ever since my first break-down with him after I woke up, I've never felt like I had to be perfect for him. God knows I'm far from it, but Dimitri used to make me want to try anyways. Now I feel like he loves listening to what is on my mind. He doesn't mind listening to my banter or my revelations. I trusted him enough to be able to tell him anything and everything. Lissa, not as much anymore, but I do try.

When I felt myself stir, I realized I wasn't on the plane anymore. I had myself lying on a very soft bed with very soft sheets wrapped around a hard and warm body. I barely opened my eyes and squinted upwards. Dimitri had an arm wrapped around me while staring out the window, where the sun was on the rise.

He looked beautiful. I know it sounds odd to say that about a man, but seeing him shirtless with the suns morning rays lighting up his dark eyes, giving his brown hair gold highlights, and making his skin glow made him look god-like.

"I thought you were going to wake me up when the plane landed," I mumbled. He looked down at me with soft eyes and an easy smile.

"You were exhausted. You needed your sleep, so I carried you to our new bedroom." I loved his terminology. _Ours_. "You've been passed out since you first fell asleep."

"And you haven't gotten any sleep at all," I argued. "I think you've been up longer than I have and yet you are still up." I ran my hand across him bare chest. "You should sleep." He just looked at me as if I was the sun itself. His expression made me smile.

"I'm not tired." From the expression on his face, it looked like he would rather just watch me all night.

"We'll have to fix that," I muttered to myself. I got out from under the covers and found myself braless in one of Dimitri's black, v-neck guardian t-shirts. I didn't mind at all. I hope he didn't mind if he never got his shirt back. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" I asked, fanning myself with the shirt.

"It's actually quite cool in here," he said, half understanding my drift.

"Well, I guess we'll have to fix that, too." I quickly pulled the shirt off. Dimitri didn't smirk, grin seductively, or even stare at my exposed body. He gazed at me admiringly. He didn't look at me as a piece of meat or a disposable pleasure; he looked at me like I was a meaningful pursuit and a beautiful person.

I flung my leg over him to straddle his torso. He stared into my eyes. His eyes didn't roam anywhere else. Slowly, I lowered my lips onto his and cupped my hands around his neck. I felt like someone had lit a fire in me, and I think Dimitri felt it, too. His hands roamed down my sides and held onto my hips. They wrapped around me as he twisted himself until he hovered over me. He reached his hand down and hooked my leg around him. Our kiss grew more heated and we lost ourselves in each other. We were more than happy to.

After we'd finished, we both passed out. We whispered 'I love you's' as we held each other, drifting off into a blissful sleep.

I was a little surprised to wake up later alone, but I heard Dimitri doing something not far from the bed. I turned over and saw him unpacking some of his bags on the floor, sitting criss-cross. His hair was slightly a mess. He wore loose work-out pants and a t-shirt, looking relaxed as ever. I crawled out of bed and slipped on the t-shirt I quickly discarded earlier. He looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey," I greeted. He opened his arms, inviting me to sit with him. I complied and sat between his legs, letting him wrap his arms around me. He kissed my temple and I closed my eyes.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked me.

"Yes. Did you?"

"Yes, actually, thanks to you." I blushed slightly. _Blushed_? Weird.

"Anytime," I said honestly. He continued to touch my hair. "Do you like touching my hair?" I asked with playful sarcasm. I don't think he'd stopped touching it since the plane ride.

"Now that I can do it freely, I don't think I'll be able to stop. Not that I want to, but it's so beautiful." He murmured a few words in Russian that I didn't understand. They sounded like gentle and kind words. He began sorting through his things again which were very few. I got up from his lap and took a look around. The bed was huge: a head-board made of intricately carved wood, the comforter and sheets were made of the softest white cotton, and the carpet of the richest red. The two end tables matched the wood of the head-board. To the right of the bedroom was the bathroom blocked by double doors. I stepped through them and found a very luxurious bathroom. Marble floors, granite countertops, and a shower with two heads decorated the room. The tub (whirlpool, of course) looked big enough for at least three people.

"How'd you manage to get the digs?" I asked Dimitri. "This seems a little much for a couple guardians who aren't going to be around much." He probably would be, with Adrian here most of the time, but I would be at college with Lissa come fall time. Another door in the bathroom led to a huge closet with mahogany shelving.

"This room was made to accommodate Moroi," he called from the bedroom. "This was the only room I could get that was big enough for the both of us." _Ah, the bed,_ I realized. I'm guessing guardian housing here isn't that much different from back at the academy: a twin bed, a desk, and a small closet.

"Which side of the closet do you want?" I asked him, walking back into the room, picking up my bags containing clothes.

"Preferably the one you don't occupy," he said vaguely. I guess it's his way of saying he really doesn't care.

I shrugged and just started putting my clothes away on the left side. It's not like I owned that many clothes anyways. I found on one shelf there were already clothes waiting: casual and formal black guardian outfits. They reminded me of my duty and why I was here. I closed my eyes and sought out Lissa. She was still sleeping; dreaming.

"It's almost sun-down. The Moroi here won't be up for another hour or two," Dimitri said from the closet entrance.

I turned to look at him. He leaned casually against the door frame and crossed his arms. "So where's Lissa?" I asked. "Are we doing anything today?" Guardians don't get days off so easily.

As I continued putting away my clothes, he explained, "There's a luncheon today welcoming the Moroi that are staying here. A lot come during the summer to take advantage of the festivities. We will both be on duty there. After that, you will be guarding from the east garden outside. Our shift ends around six or seven. Then we switch with the day shift."

"How do you know all this? Is there a guardian news-letter or something, or am I just really uninformed?" He seemed to know everything that was going on.

"They explained it after the flight yesterday. That headache took a lot out of you, so I decided to inform you later." He was pampering me. He is always spoiling me or taking care of me. Why wouldn't he let me take care of him? I felt like I had to be strong and just suck up to the downs of being a guardian, but he always contradicted that idea with little things like letting me sleep in, getting me out of trouble, or helping me sneak around.

But I couldn't do those things anymore. I was a guardian now. Lissa's life was fully in my hands. I protected Lissa for two years, but it feels different this time. We don't have our own schedules, I have other people to watch out for, and I felt like people were expecting something of me. During those two years of guarding Lissa, all I focused on was keeping her safe. Hopefully, it won't be that much more difficult.

"You okay?" Dimitri asked. I was startled when I saw him standing right next to me. "You zoned out and had a very pensive expression on your face. What's on your mind?" He ran his fingers along the length of my arm.

"I guarded Lissa on my own for two years. The only thing I was guarding her from was the academy's trackers, but now there is so much more danger to it. Moroi are being targeted so much more now. I feel like everything has changed since then. I don't want to say that I doubt myself, but I'm just not as sure as I was a year ago." I'm not sure how well he would understand what I said. Did he ever feel my uncertainties?

He took me by the shoulders to force me to look at him in the eyes. "Roza," he said thickly, "you are the most amazing guardian. You've already had so much experience in the field. You've beaten me at least twice, and that's saying something." His cockiness made me smile. His utmost faith in me gave me the little strength I needed to feel more confident. Then he said something a little more passionately. "You are perfect," he told me heatedly.

I didn't believe that one bit. I was far from perfect, and everyone knew that. My judgment sucked for a while, my manners are terrible, and my language and terminology aren't always the best route to take.

He continued to explain by saying, "You are perfect for me," he cupped my cheeks and I looked into his dark, passionate eyes. "If you ever lose faith in yourself, know that I will always love you, no matter what." Our lips were too close.

I pressed my lips teasingly light to his. He pressed back tenfold and had his arms around me in no time at all. He slipped his hands slightly under my (his) shirt to grab a hold of my hips and I wrapped my legs around him. Until that moment, I'd forgotten I didn't have any underwear on. He carried me off to our bed, where we entertained ourselves until the sun went down.

We finally got dressed for the day after much procrastination. Dimitri became a little bit annoyed with my slow pace.

"Rose, you can't stay in bed all day. You need to get dressed. We have to leave here in five minutes and you need to look ready," he chastised me.

"Procrastinate now, don't put it off," I told him. Despite the fact that he was slightly annoyed, he had to smile at that. As it turns out, I was ready in the given five minutes. My new suit fit me perfectly and I wore my hair up.

"Ready to go?" He opened the bedroom door. I gave a nod and walked through the doorway.

And so my first day as an official guardian began.


End file.
